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Gal, i strongly recommend getting some grief counselling to help you process this, or even after you process it a bit yourself. The hospice where Jan was will either offer it or know where to access it. You've been amazing to her all through this, i have no doubt she would have been so proud to have you as a brother through this. Grief affects people in all sorts of different ways, you'll know yourself how you're feeling, what's going on, you have good self awareness. PM me anytime, chat, meet up, whatever. Though you know the score yourself, if you go to QPR with me, they could be playing the local pub team and get beat 4-0 ffs! Please also continue to use this forum as you have, either through getting sober or helping Jan as much as you could. People think a lot of you, and there's good help and support for you here, please don't isolate. Thinking of you mate.

It was interesting. I arrived at the temple at 10:00 a.m. as I was instructed to do so there were four of us that were closer to Steve and we were going to be the corner people so to speak. Our goal was to take the pillow type things and the flowers lay them on the casket one by one then hand among the other flower along with an envelope. It all seems as simple enough. Well the other three of the chosen for showed up around 10:15 it was supposed to be at 11:00 service but they started it right away everything was finished by 11:00 and people had arrived after the service had ended. It was fast and easy it's just a shame that it didn't start when it was supposed to. In the end I would guess about 15 to 20 people maybe came either while the service was in progress or after it was over in any event Witherspoon's afterwards for a drink and that pretty much sums it up. I do know it's boring as hell walking without the grumpy old guy very much missed

It is a beautiful day and I have not been in the Condo's garden since the end of June. I have to practice my walking so out of the front door, turn right and immediately up 5 steps. Good leg up/bad leg down and no problem. Long walk down the hallway to the lift. I have no pain whatsoever and ask my daughter to give a true assessment of how I am walking. She is adamant that it looks..........normal. Both legs are now the same length since the operation. Previously my bad leg was one inch shorter than the left. Meet several tenants on route who seem amazed that I had the Op on Tuesday and here I am walking to the garden on Friday. Nobody, but nobody, is more amazed than me. My two sticks are lightly resting against the seat and my weight is equal on both feet. For the first time I can see where the 3 1/2 stone I have lost on my diet has gone. Stayed for a while until I walked back and rested for an hour. At no time did I experience any pain other than a "2" from the wound area. Really Amazing! Without wishing to sound a wimp that surgeon has given me my life back.

I remember Lanza rang me about a week or so before he passed. I think that's what he was doing, ringing his mates, saying goodbye. What a fucking thing to have to do, horrendous. I especially remember it because after our conversation, there was a pause, then he said okay mate, i'm gonna go here. Then there was a bigger pause, a horrible pause as we both knew we wouldn't ever talk to eachother again. I didn't know what to say, i didn't want the conversation to end, as i knew it was the last time i'd speak to him, yet i knew i had to, i couldn't keep him on the phone. I came off the phone just numb, think i went and gave my wife and daughter a great big hug, then immediately felt guilty for doing that. I also remember @Thinkingallowed coming back to 24/7 and what he did for Puang, how he organised the collection etc where we contributed to help when she needed it. It also didn't surprise me in the least he did that, such is the kinda person he is. It's more reason why i just live and enjoy my life as much as possible whilst i still can, as you just don't know what's round the corner. Cancer is a bastard!

Just finished a large portion of fish n chips with a pint of Stella in tyndrum,tiresome gruelling day ad 5 of Scotland munros dished out some pain,ben lawers range,with relentless wind on the tops blowing me ...I wish 😅 off balance. It was 10 hours and 23 klm app always wrong.

Dining in Elgano Italian restaurant in Cardiff to celebrate our 16th Wedding Anniversary.

Now most you long time stayers or frequent visitors might not appreciate this as much as I do. You guys ( im assumeing most of you are guy )are used to the going ons in this fair town. But It's been since 2020(?) for my last visit and things you all just take for granted still surprise the hell out of me. Like the heyday of Babydolls. So anyway, we made the rounds last night and ended up in the new location of Heaven Above ( a place i visited frequently in the past) and of course we start chatting up the (nude) dancers at our table. We were having a great time buying drinks, telling tall stories and groping beautiful women( which is pretty normal when ya run with a bunch of friggen lunatics) and next thing I know a certain larger guy from UK is being wanked off by his gal and mine is rubbing/ grinding her perfectly rounded bubble of an ass into my face. Now this is not exactly normal behavior in my neck of the woods back home. But it was pretty much at that exact moment that it dawned on me of why I love this town soo much. Now I have always been a firm believer that a person needs to get the hell out of Dodge, no matter where or what Dodge might be, at least a couple of times a year... because people have a tendency to become complacent of just how good we have it. My years of traveling to Thailand have been some of the funnest times of my life, with some of the best mates I have ever had the privilege of running with. I'm of the age now that I know one of these days it will come to an end.... and I'm going to miss it. So tonight I'm going to get a soapy....cause I can't get one in Durango.

Our 33rd anniversary meal,the missus always wants to cook rather than eat out. First one is a sort of DIY prawn cocktail(she ate the heads,me the bodies),then a filet steak,she had a steak medallion.I thought it was going to be pepper sauce but turned out to be honey & mustard,which was a bit bland so I added a load of her chili sauce.So I was eating Colman's English mustard with Thai chili. Washed down with a bottle of cheapo Tesco Champagne....as I type this I'm just about to open a nice red. The last one was why I married her in 1991.....

Hey Steve, well like alot of us, I was the absolute 2 week millionaire when on tour back in the day right? 5 nights in Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket drinking a quart of Sangsom/Coke every night and staying out until stupid o' clock with these bar girls, no wonder I looked like I should have been sent back to the "seniors home" LOL! As far as looking younger, that is certainly up for debate. 2 weeks ago, wifey and I are at one of the local open markets here. I am looking around, she is a few stalls behind me right? This old woman mumbles something to me in Thai, I politely tell her I cannot speak fluent Thai. Wifey gets there, they start the chatter, wifely looks at me and says "She thinks you look like Joe Biden"???? Jesus Christ....

Right before COVID, I ate at Bronx Pizza when it was near Kiss on Second Road and went back to to my room on Soi Lengkee. I get there and look at Facebook. One of my old Marine Corps buddy posted that he was in Thailand getting ready to eat. I messaged him and found out he was in Bronx Pizza, so I headed back to meet him there. I get there and see him in the same seat where I had just ate. The last time I saw him was 1985. Over thirty years later and we were basically back to back customers. If not for Facebook, we would have never known. ‘This photo is from later that night, I think in Pandora’s in LKM. My buddy is the Marine wearing glasses.

Because she'd want you too!

Don’t run yourself down mate 👌 You’ve been steadfast in helping your sister as she goes through the most difficult part of her life, being there for her come what may. I doubt that she gave you all that money so that you can spunk it on nothing of worth, she’s given it to you to help you through the rest of your life, so do just that. 🤗 You may not have to work, but maybe get a part time job doing something that you like and keep that sharp mind of yours busy, if not for yourself, but for your sister. Thanks to your sister, you have a nest egg now so shouldn’t have money worries for a few years, so use the life left to you and brake the circle of self destructive thoughts. You have the strength of will to do that, it just means you must take that first step towards a structured and what will hopefully be a better future. Good luck mate. 🤗👌

for anyone who remembers, and f course for newbies who didnt know him, Lanza built this board. He was also the father to Young Thomas. three years ago today I think this was written at the time GOOD NIGHT LANZA LAD Deeply saddened to inform all of the passing of Phil Gaines, aka Lanza/Lanzalad. As some will know, Phil had been battling cancer with all his might for the past few years. the ups and downs have been enormous. sometimes when we spoke I was convinced it would be our last chat ever, he could hardly breathe to finish a sentence. a week later he was up and atom, as they say. but the past few months really took their toll on him as cancer did its evil deed. Several others here were in regular contact too, and we all saw him come back, and post, and do the admin and enjoy the board even quite recently. all will confirm that the last few weeks were fAR from a comfortable period and that, sadly, his passing will in many ways have been a relief to him Phil was fortunate to have a wonderful wife who has been his real strength these past years. She is a strong woman by nature but the series of shocks regarding his health hurt her deeply, this as together they introduced Little Thomas into the world, a little man who quickly became the apple of Phil's eye. In the last few weeks, two pals in the UK have been in regular contact and visits which I know cheered him up no end. I wont name as thats their business but they are welcome, please, to do so, and from all of us who couldnt, a big thank you for the effort. WE ALL HAVE MEMORIES OF PHIL, Where ever he is, the bald northern git with a heart of gold, I hope he has a laptop , and is reading this. I will probably get a Pm later that will begin.. "yeah but Tommy, the thing is...." cos that was his start to most discussions. Love to his family, and miss ya mate Tommy

Forgot one: I am scared to open picture posts from Lirchenfeld.

Ships docked in teesport at the moment,half day yesterday went to whitby,delightful little town on the coast Yorkshire jewel,definitely a traditional town to hold onto.

Might as well start a tr as don't think posting many pics in the what are you doing now thread is a good idea,will be mostly hua hin and any side trips,along the lines of the following pics,scenery,people,ect and anything else I find interesting.

Mum going into the care home tomorrow afternoon. For me today has been far too stressful for a 70yo. So I'm going for some stress relief at the pub.

Quite a few years ago i met Billy Smart's (the UK circus people) nephew in a bar in Pattaya. He insisted he would buy me a drink while telling me stories of life under the big top. He even performed a circus style vanishing act after a couple of rounds and left me with the bill. He had a lot of good things to tell me about Uncle Billy.

Happy New Year to all of you. Shame my year ended on a depressing note, but a new year and new start. Jan’s funeral is Monday next week, so will give me the opportunity to move on in my life, as it has basically been on hold during Jan’s illness. Will buy another bike around march and get back riding again, as this year has really made me revalute my life, and how you need to do things while you still can. Anyway, best wishes to all of you for the next year.

Cancer can befall any of us, and perhaps 1 in 2 will get it in one form or another. Some are cured and many are not. I remember when I was first diagnosed with cancer. It was a massive blow and I was not prepared for it. Who ever is ? In my case, the treatment was worse than the symptom but treatment began straight away . 6 weeks of daily radiotherapy and intermittent Chemotherapy. I was lucky and got the all clear soon after treatment had stopped, but that's not the case for everyone. I still have 6 monthly check ups and shit myself everytime before I attend, in case it should return. Treatment knocked the he'll out of my body, but at the same time nocked the he'll of of the cancer. It felt like a sledge hammer, cracking a walnut. I feel lucky, as like many others, we have lost people close to us from this awful disease. It is hard to watch then deteriorate knowing that there is nothing you can do about it, especially when the diagnosis is terminal When I was being treated at the Royal Marsden, it was heartbreaking to see children so young, around the hospital who were having treatment. I thought, no matter what, at least I have had a life, and theirs could soon end in some cases. Cancer treatment has got a whole lot better over the last 20 years or so, but there is no cure, only treatment. At least these days, morphine can deaden some of the physical pain but not the mental anxiety of knowing that your days are numbered. I know it's a depressing subject, especially at this time of the year and my heart goes out to Galenkia watching his sister slip away. I watched over my father in the same way and it affected me greatly, even to this day None of us know when our time is up, so I guess we should relish life whilst we have it, although easily said than done.

Merry Christmas to all of you. will be spending it with Jan as it will sadly be our last Christmas Day together. Will take her the plants I bought her today and spend a few hours with her as she sleeps at least 18 hours a day.

I had a blood and urines test a couple of weeks ago as part of my repeat prescription renewal. Came through fine, and I have spent decades in the past abusing my body . The liver is resilient if you give it time to recover. When my sister passes I’ll be in a position where I could retire to Thailand if I wanted to, she has already given me a lot of money, but still has more, plus I will get her two bedroom home in Twickenham which is worth over a quarter of a million. But it really would not end well, I would just end up stoned and pissed every day, so I try to keep myself healthy through my diet and exercise,

Just reminiscing over some pics from Nov 2017. Had seen that these "Bunnies" were going to be at Promenade Mall 6 years ago right? Wifey and I went over, she went over to Fashion Island, met her an hour later at Sizzler for dinner. These gals came out, they did a "dance" of sorts, then each gal was given a microphone to tell their admiring male fan club their names, ages and what they were doing in life, done both in Thai and English. They they went into a question and answer period with all the admiring males LOL! One Thai guy asked one of the girls if she would go to dinner with him? She was cool. She told him " Sure, but you have to take all of us, we like to eat, did you bring your credit card"? After that was over, they all did poses for everyone and and at that point, you could talk to your favorite girl. I was just standing around taking pics looking like the village idiot ( I am good at this LOL!) The first pic, this one gal named "Ployfon" on the far left comes over to me and says " Oh hi, how are you"? Wow, was not expecting that. She asked me "Do you live here"? I told her my entire story, she asked me if I am treating my wife good? Dai Krap....So she tells me she is leaving Thailand in January, to go to Medical School in Hong Kong. She is studying "Endocrinology" and wants to work in that field and eventually be an "Endocrinologist" back here in Thailand. This is the gal you want to "hook up" with......if in a few years if my "Thyroid" goes south and I am being treated at Phayathai Hospital....I hope Ployfon is there to help me 😁 Really nice gal..I wonder how she is doing?

Thanks mate, brilliant post. I’m gonna give a big donation to the hospice out of it for they mainly rely on donations as the Tory scum government won’t fund them properly . Jan is really pleased at me doing this in her memory.

Was happy to pull the trigger at 50 ... I don't miss the work, the stress or the office politics , but do miss the interaction with colleagues Its great being able to go on holiday whenever I like , not getting up at 06:30 and filling my day as I see fit ... just over five years now and I'm not getting bored 😎 my advice to anyone is , when you can afford to do it , go for it , don't wait

On the train to the hospice in Esher. Gonna be staying there every night and getting the train back in the morning for work. Don’t like leaving Jan alone so am spending as much time as I can with her. The staff are amazing, but I know she needs me.

All good I am pleased to say after a shaky start. I woke up at 04:00 needing a pee which is a nightly occurrence for me and decided as my alarm had been set for 04:30 I might as well get ready. I was quite literally sitting on the toilet attempting a dump when all the lights go out.........power cut. I had to wash and dress, which is not easy with my bad hip, by two nightlights. I get all hot and bothered wondering how I am going to get down to my daughter's car with no lift working when the power returns. Arrived at the Hospital at 07:15 as requested and learn from my surgeon that I am number three in the bus queue. That translated to the operation commencing at about 1:30 by spinal injection but I missed it all because they slipped a sedative into the line going into my arm. Spent a while in the recovery room then up to my final room that I shared with one other guy. I am told by several different medical staff that I am really lucky because I am in one of only two rooms that serve decent food from an impressive menu. This is me at about 6:30 pm on operation day after I had already walked round the be using a zimmer and changed into my bed clothes. They do that to hopefully ensure no blood clots. Wednesday was lots of tests, questions and medication. The lady Physiotherapist had me walk across the room using a zimmer and seemed quite impressed. "Do you thinks you can walk down the hallway just using two sticks?" "Sure" says I because thanks to the opioid meds I am feeling no pain. I go down. I come back. I walk up the stairs and down again. "Congratulations Mr Danny you have passed your post Op walking tests. Later on my second and last day in hospital the meds wear off and I have pain but NOT the pain from a f***d up hip. My pain is that associated with quite major surgery and is very different. My daughter collected me at 6:30 on day two and I was back home in 45 minutes. Amazing - all completed in two days. I feel tired today and not up to doing my exercises. I will religiously start those tomorrow. Post operative downer I imagine. Looking good for the future.

Visited the Royal Hospital in Edinburgh today for my pre-op meeting with the Consultant and his team who will carry out my hip replacement operation scheduled for the 15th September. Very nice guy who explained the procedure and asked if I had any questions. "Yes", says I "Will I be having a posterior or anterior operation?" "Whose been watching U-tube videos?" says Mr W with a laugh. Apparently it is going to be the posterior approach and he and his team left and I commenced being given a full evaluation ending with an ECG which showed I apparently have an extra beat of which I have no "symptoms" and was blissfully unaware. Nobody seemed at all alarmed and it does not affect my operation. My daughter subsequently informed me that my Granddaughter has the same so maybe it is hereditary? Halfway through all these tests the door opens and Mr W shoves his head through the door. "Had a cancellation for Tuesday. Do you want it? "Oh, yes please." says I "I thought you would say that!" says Mr W with a laugh. Home now and going into overdrive with everything I now have to do with 3 days to go.🤣

Just back from tyndrum 3 munros yesterday,only set out to do 2 ,but got down at around 1.30pm so de oded to cross the Glen and do another one,beinn a chroin 941m,an castiel 995m,then crauch ardrain 1046 m,about 34klm day,knacked,now time for a map,then will be packing for tomorrow s flight to Los.

Came home from the gym and the missus had made some lasagne. I was a bit worried when I seen she lined the baking tray with tinfoil to 'stop it making a mess of the tray 🤷‍♂️' But it came out of tray okay, I thought the tinfoil would have stuck to it. I love proper homemade lasagne, as fattening as it is, so had to make a salad to go with it, so didn't feel as bad eating it 😂 Ying and Yang 😁

Going back to the beginning of the holiday,we went straight up to my wifes village of Huajdua in Loei province for 4 days over Songkran.We stayed at a small resort 4 kms from my wifes homestead and hired a car for the 4 days. My wife first duty the day after arriving was to go and clean the memorials to her mother and daughter at her local temple.Then visit her father who decided he wanted to devote himself to Buddha after the death of his wife 9 years ago, he now lives in his own jungle retreat in the temple grounds, my wife now refers to him as Papa monk.

My honest opinion is nicely fitted out I just don't understand how they'll separate from one bar to the next. We went in sat in the middle and a girl with a drink card from another bar not the bar we were sitting in front of rushed over to get our drink order. So it seems that all those tables in the middle it's a free-for-all for customers and for the bars to go get their customers. The problem is going to come from you'll have a bar that will have a group of very aggressive service girls and they'll be running up and down that place not mattering where their bar is located in the complex because they can take drink orders throughout. I can see this becoming a problem between the bars. The Winn bar had food catered in for the grand opening from a Chinese place here in town very nice but again here comes the problem the food is at their bar but you've got 200 people sitting in the middle of the place not sitting at any specific bar having drinks from all the other bars. Well I Can Only Imagine that some of those guys are going to take advantage and Wander Over and Avail themselves of the offerings despite not even drinking or having drinks from that particular bar. I think the customer prices are pretty much in line I think they're. Fair Lady drinks at 170 baht with the girls getting 70 of that as a commission. If you're sitting in the middle and say you order a drink from Caesar's Palace bar and a girl comes over to have a chat with you from Planet Hollywood Bar and you decide you'd like to buy her a drink now you have 2 bins. One of our group asked the girls if after getting the drink they could wander through the complex and have a look with their drink in their bin to which she replied no you have to settle your been here before you can walk through and look at the other places. I understand why they want you to do this because there is going to be without question some bins that are missing at the end of the night with people wandering through before settling up at the particular bar where they got the drink from It was considerably cooler in the complex than it was outside so the air conditioning was working as the owner said 880000 BTU's the electric bill is going to be absolutely massive. The music level I thought was just about right you could hold a conversation and hear what the others were saying this is when the DJ was there before the band started we left before the band got going so can't comment on that. The bar fine is 800. As another board member that we met there said this could very well work for the tourists but I don't think they're going to get a tremendous expat following or guys that have been coming for years and I could be wrong it would not be the first time. I wish them the best it takes a big set of balls to get into a venture like this

I have been up this way for 4 months now and am very happy with my life, more so than any other village I have lived in here over the last 30 years! I eat mainly Isaan food which I love because M'Lady is a damned good cook, but I have to say that because she is a Geoff Capes lookalike in his prime and I don't fancy being on the wrong end of her right hook!!!! The local markets sell all the fresh veggie we need and, along with Tesco Lotus, all the fresh meat ....... except for Aussie beef and lamb. So I have just placed an order with expatfoods for delivery. Shipment costs for transportation, dry ice packaging and box - 399 baht. Sounds a lot but I have added cheese and 20 pies to my meat order !!! (who ate all the pies? you fat bastard you fat bastard!!!) I'll let you know how things progress ....

Police Sergent Somchai Teamoney added: "further to the investigation, a man known only to everyone under the nickname @Nightcrawler was seen fleeing the area once the fight had started. He had with him one of the Transgender Escorts , 4 tubes of lubricant and 6 packets of condoms. Police are keen to track down this individual and take a witness statement from him, as the British tourists insist it was all his idea in the first place".

I enjoy travelling but I now enjoy being in places for longer , on this trip I did ten days in Patts and now currently two weeks in Samui ... that said I do find I'm getting more easily pissed off ... inconsiderate / rude people top the list , whether it's people reserving sun beds by leaving objects on them and then fcuking off for hours , people not acknowledging you when you step aside to let them through on a small pavement or you keep open a door for them .. and my top hate cnuts watching videos on their phones and not using ear buds , in restaurants/ by the pool / airport waiting lounges Maybe I should have posted in the rant threads ...555

Just got back from the hospice Jan was staying at. Went there to make a large donation in her memory. It’s partly funded by the NHS, but is very reliant on donations to offer the level of care they need to. It’s been really hard for me since she passed, having to spend time in hospital because I fell apart mentally, but I feel so much better now, and I think this will help give me some sort of comfort in knowing the money will help others get the same great care that Jan got. Gonna miss the nurses and staff, they were just brilliant, and hopefully I can now move on in my life. I am gonna start looking for a job, not that I need the money, but more for the social interaction side of things and gets me out of the house. The way I look at it, February 1st is going to be the start of 2024 for me, as January was just a very difficult time for me.

Last night's roast chicken dinner.

It's hard losing a close family member, even though it might be expected. Stay strong and let the bereavement process take its course. You gave her the care and love she deserved and you couldn't have done more. She didn't die alone. I guess I know how you will be feeling right now but it will get better over time and I am sure you will give her the wonderful send off that she deserves. RIP Jan x

Just my Dad and me for dinner , the bird was huge , enough for six or seven , lots of leftovers for the rest of the week 555

Just been talking to one of the nurses looking after Jan. She is very surprised at how she is doing. Her original prognosis was around October or November, but the stubborn old cow is determined to prove them wrong.😂 Jan, me and Keith Richard’s. Fucking indestructible.😂

I am at Swampy waiting for my flight to Udon. After domestic check in I nipped outside for a ciggie and met a guy who I last saw almost exactly 2 years ago in exactly the same place. We did the covid quarantine thing together. Good to see him and catch up. We both were wondering what are the chances etc etc.

Pissed up somewhere in soi 11 with a group from the pool hall. Love live music. Thai band with a Philippines lead singer. Very good.

I had a practice 16 month run at retirement once I managed to get back to Udon during covid. Was seriously thinking about cashing in a pension and going for it. Even though I was very busy - we demolished both houses in our compound and rebuilt them, established a Eucalyptus plantation, sorted out neglected farm land and I was spending a couple of days a week working online, the experience proved to me that I wasn't quite ready to retire. John Lennon said that "Life happens when you are making plans to do something else" (or along those lines). Events last year meant that I needed to get back to the UK and I actually enjoyed going back to work. As it happens the place where I have been working in Southampton for the last 4 months employs around 40 zero hour tempory workers and most of them are people who retired early. There are ex-coppers, council employees, RAF, Army, Navy etc etc. Sure some of them need the extra cash but ALL of them say they missed the banter, workplace camerarderie and most importantly something to keep them occupied, both physicaly and mentally. I have 36 more days then its back to the jungle for 3 months - just about the right split between working and being a beer for breakfast sexpat. 👀

Got a lovely birthday card from my colleagues at work. On a half day holiday and gonna go to my sisters in the minute.

Wednesday 30th 11 AM Wat Boon Samphan Soi Khao Noi Pattaya City After the service we're going to have a drink for Steve at Witherspoon's

Just opened this from the HMRC. Result!. knew I was due something as I had been on emergency tax plu I had time not working before this job. Never expected this much.

Been glorious this past bank holiday weekend here in sunny London. Great blue skies and pleasantly warm too.

Well I am back in Danang and it's just as hot as Pattaya was. At 7am it was 31 feels like 37 degrees. Still,Good beach weather.