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ukdave51

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Everything posted by ukdave51

  1. The old man and his wife are sitting having a drink when he leans over to her and says "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
  2. Leicester square got trashed, ticketless fans over powering stewards to try and get in for nothing, and we are bidding for the 2030 world cup, we shouldn`t waste our time, we will get laughed at. UEFA have already launched an investigation and quite rightly so.
  3. Chill the f**k out, we`ve been waiting 55 years to contest a major final and after going so close on occasions since then but always falling short you don`t want us to celebrate after what we`ve been through in the last 16 months? We might well fall short on Sunday, it`s really too close to call, if we do the noisy neighbours will be rejoicing, but being in a major final is something they can only dream about. In the meantime take a chill pill mate. and try if you can to enjoy the moment.
  4. Just to confirm I used this site https://thaiprepaidcard.com/product/360-day-mobile-phone-validity/. 10 baht a month for the next year plus 120 baht extra bonus. all for 165 baht whatever that is in your own currency. Don`t have to bother again until next June.
  5. I watched it in the UK, for gods sake does Emma Hayes ever shut the f**k up? Immense game though apart from that.
  6. Used the website, 12x 10 baht top ups plus a 120 baht bonus for the princely sum of 165 baht (£3.76) cheers.
  7. The company I use is 60baht minimum , that's too much, I need 20 baht.
  8. Each top up I do extends that validity for a month with mine, never heard of one small top up lasting a year.
  9. Ok chaps, I`ve had the same Thai mobile number for about 10 years now, my normal method was to top it up with credit before I finish a trip until my next one, since my last trip was cancelled last March I have found a site here in the UK to keep it topped up. However with no reopening likely soon I might have to stop, my credit is only valid for another month, will my number be disabled after that date? If so it looks like I might have to get a new sim when I finally get back over, and I believe you have to produce passport details to do that now. What do you guys do, use the number from your home countries with the outrageous roaming charges the incur?
  10. Believe me, the abduction of Lisa McVey. Excellent film based on a true story.
  11. ukdave51

    Cricket

    He was 15 years old at the time, I feel more sorry for the person trawling through historic social media post looking to dig up dirt. A really sad life.
  12. I don`t have a bath very often but it`s lovely to sit in warm water with suds up to your chin.
  13. Absolutely shameful the mega rich pig owners with their snouts in the troth, who picked Spurs as a big 6 club? they last won the league when Harold McMillan was addressing the nation on black and white tv, they would be f**k all without Harry Kane.
  14. Sorry but I don`t want to trawl through various topics but have the bars been ordered to close again? I notice from the irover cam that all the chairs are stacked up again.
  15. Hate to laugh but Harry Kane for all the goals he`s scored must be so proud of his medal collection. 7 years after establishing himself in the Spurs first team they`ve not won a single trophy.
  16. On the good ship Venus by Christ you should have seen us the figurehead was a whore in bed sucking a dead man’s penis. The captain’s name was Lugger by Christ he was a bugger he wasn’t fit to shovel shit from one ship to another. And the second mate was Andy by Christ he had a dandy till they crushed his cock on a jagged rock for cumming in the brandy. The third mate’s name was Morgan by God he was a gorgon from half past eight he played till late upon the captain’s organ. The captain’s wife was Mabel and by God was she able to give the crew their daily screw upon the galley table. The captain’s daughter Charlotte was born and bred a harlot Her thighs at night were lily white by morning they were scarlet. The cabin boy was Kipper by Christ he was a nipper he stuffed his ass with broken glass and circumcised the skipper. The captain’s lovely daughter liked swimming in the water. Delighted squeals came when some eels found her sexual quarters. The cook his name was Freeman and he was a dirty demon and he fed the crew on menstrual stew and hymens fried in semen. And the ship’s dog was called Rover and we turned the poor thing over and ground and ground that faithful hound from Teneriff to Dover. When we reached our station through skilful navigation the ship got sunk in a wave of spunk from too much fornication. On the good ship Venus by Christ you should have seen us the figurehead was a whore in bed sucking a dead man’s penis.
  17. Yes some cuties in there , I suppose they are available with a bit of sweet talk and a full wallet.
  18. Just a question, just seen a group of seven young guys walking down LK on the irover cam, and in general there does appear to be quite a lot of foot traffic. Are you actually escorted from the airport to your quarantine hotel or is it taken on trust? of course it can be checked if you fill in a location form but I`m having trouble believing some of these people have been in isolation.
  19. I walk about 4.5 miles most days, I have a set route, keeps me motivated and helps me keep my weight in check.
  20. ukdave51

    Cricket

    Glad I woke up at stupid o clock for this, at this rate I might be able to go back to bed for a few hours later.
  21. No, thinking about it I don`t think you need proof of a vaccine yet. would be interested to know how much the 14 days quarantine costs though.
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