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Jokes to raise a smile? (Threads Merged)


ArtyGraph

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Father: Now the stork is coming with your new babysister

Son: You are a bloody idiot, dad. The whole town is packed with pretty women but you are fucking the stork.

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Mrs Jones is ringing the doorbell at her neighbour in hopes that she can borrow a cup of sugar.

Mr. Peters opens the door: "Sure you can borrow a cup of sugar, and you know what it costs."

Mrs Jones gets down on her knees and starts sucking his cock when you suddenly screams: "yuck, this tastes like shit"

Mr. Peters replies: "Well, of course, your husband has just been here to borrow my screwdriver".

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Once i sent my clothes to the laundry shop with a small note attached to the collar of my shirt "Use more soap here"

When I got the clean clothes back i noticed a small note attached to the back of my underwear "Use more paper here"

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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" 
Man: "Yes!" 
Reporter: "Name?" 
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." 
Reporter: "Sex?" 
Man: "Three to five times a week." 
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" 
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." 
Reporter: "Holy cow!" 
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." 
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" 
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." 
Reporter: "Oh dear!"  
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter

He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter

Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"

The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie."

The first man asks "Can I make a wish? "

"Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"

"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants

The man says " I want a Million Bucks "

The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head

And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?"

The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC" 

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Daughter: "mom I have a date with the mail man"

Mom: "but he could be your dad"

Daughter: "Age doesn't matter"

Mom: "I know, but that's not what i meant"

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I was stood next to a coloured guy in the toilet and he flopped out a huge, long black dick. I said Christ! how did you get such a big dick. He said his mum used to tie a brick to it for an hour each day and that’s how it’s so big. 
I said to him, I’m gonna give that a go, so every day for a fortnight I’ve been walking round with a brick tied tightly to my John Thomas all day, thinking it’s going to work quicker if I do that. 
I met him again two weeks later and he asked me how it’s going. I said I think it’s working, it’s gone black. 

Edited by KhunDon
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A guy is in the men's toilet when a big black guy comes in. He sneaks a sideways peak at the guys equipment and sees a tattoo Wendy'

What a coincidence he says, 'my girl is a Wendy as well' 

'What you mean mon, it says Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day' 

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