Sigi Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 Not really a joke ... Daily Mail comments 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homor Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 IMG_0453.MP4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) I got lucky down Wetherspoons last night and ended up shagging some bird back at her place, over the kitchen table. All of a sudden, we heard a key go in the front door. "Quick, It’s my husband!!", she screamed. "Try the back door.." Well, in hindsight, I really should've just legged it but you don’t get an offer like that every day..... 😉 Edited January 12, 2020 by Stillearly 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homor Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 IMG_0467.MP4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chang_Paarp Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt when you swim in the sea. You can wear NO shirt to swim in the sea. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £3000. Morning suit rental £100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one small suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £5.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes. ___________________________________ Men Are Just Happier People NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Crazy and Wildman. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing forever! 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lirchenfeld Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golfingboy Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 On 12/29/2019 at 12:04 PM, Stillearly said: Oldie but a goodie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lirchenfeld Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigi Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starshine Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Little Jonny was at school and the teacher asked: Can anyone tell me if they know what the word contagious means Little Johnny raised his hand....the teacher...OK Johnny, can you put into a sentence for me? Little Johnny said, I heard dad telling mum that the council sent a man to paint the house and it took the c**t ages. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) This is brilliant 😂 Edited January 23, 2020 by Stillearly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigi Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a ‘Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArtyGraph Posted January 25, 2020 Author Share Posted January 25, 2020 A 9 year old boy from Liverpool went to the Chapel to ask the Priest for help. "Please, can you help me with my hearing?" The Priest cupped both his ears in his hands and the whole Catholic congregation prayed for him. On Amen the priest removed his hands and asked him "Has that helped your hearing?" "I don't know," said the boy, "It's not till next Wednesday." 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexwell Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrmango Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 3 hours ago, bexwell said: I much prefer the buy one, get one free.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegrogmonster Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 I much prefer the buy one, get one free....These days I’d rather rent.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrmango Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 1 hour ago, thegrogmonster said: These days I’d rather rent. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk I agree!! If it flys, floats or fucks, rent, don't buy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homor Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 IMG_0508.MP4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lirchenfeld Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 New Chinese flag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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