coxyhog Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golfingboy Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 8 hours ago, coxyhog said: Not bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karon steve Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 12 hours ago, coxyhog said: Nicked...thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homor Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 f***d this up completely but dunno how to delete the first 2 images.... Edited by Forum Moderator. First two photographs deleted. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhunDon Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lirchenfeld Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigi Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigi Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 A bloke was at the barber shop getting his hair cut before going on holiday. The barber asked where he was going and he replied "Rome". "Rome?" said the barber, "Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "BA," was the reply. "I got a great rate!" "BA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "I'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "Well, I'm not going there for the hotel, I'm going to the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours, you're going to need it." A month later, the bloke comes in again and the barber asks about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," says the bloke. "Not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped me up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a gorgeous young stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They were overbooked too, so they apologized and gave me their Presidential suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the barber, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, I was quite lucky, because as I toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh! What'd he say ?" He said: "Who the <deleted> cut your hair?" 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigi Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhunDon Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 Your DUCK IS DEAD 😂 A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£1,500!" she cried,"£1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £1,500." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigi Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singalong Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 Sent from my Redmi Note 7 Pro using Tapatalk 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumbleg Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 Finally being a recluse is paying off. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhunDon Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lirchenfeld Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 2 Germans in a bar in London: - 2 Martinis, please. - Dry? - NEIN! ZWEI! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skalliwag Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 7 hours ago, Lirchenfeld said: 2 Germans in a bar in London: - 2 Martinis, please. - Dry? - NEIN! ZWEI! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lirchenfeld Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 All the children looked in to the oven Except Jake He was the cake All the children ran out of the burning gay club Except Simon He was stuck in Damon All the children sat on Santas knee Except Mick He sat on his dick All the children walked pass the dog poo Except Stella She thought it was Nutella All the children enjoyed the trip to Africa Except Camilla She was eaten by a gorilla All the children enjoyed the trip to the zoo Except Amanda She was raped by a panda All the children crossed the road safely Except Peter He missed by a meter But it was worse for Oda She got stuck between a Toyota and a Skoda All the children swam in the ocean Except Mark He got eaten by a shark All the children avoided the rat poison Except Sandy She thought it was candy All the children looked down in to the blender Except Bob He looked up All the children loved the trip to the army camp Except Hank He got run over by a tank All the children went on rabbit hunting Except Connie She was the bunny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nampla69 Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 I quite liked the : Just popped into Tesco and got a roll of toilet paper. Feel a bit sorry for the next person who goes to have a shit in the toilet .......... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singalong Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts