AJSP Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 My folks are in their early 80’s and not in bad nick but declining obviously. ive suggested they move to us and we both buy a big house where they occupy the ground floor and we live on the upper two floors. this is probably stressful all round. Dad is up for it. Mother isn’t. Plan B- I get them to buy a 2 bed flat near us and we visit / take care daily Has anyone had experience of that dilemma as I’m struggling 1
Golfingboy Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 That’s a very good idea, and I wish more people would do it. Just makes sense. Obviously I can’t comment. Parents divorced after 40 years, Dad passed at 74 after short battle with lung cancer. Mom is tip-top, endless energy, wouldn’t be surprised if she makes it to 105 AND outlives me 1
Siam Addict Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 My Uncle is in his late 80's and lives alone in his West London house, his Grandson wants him to move up to Leeds where he lives with his family but he refuses. As I am his only relative that lives in London and live about 4 miles away I have been called to replace glass in his door. He broke it as he locked himself out, twice. He also let a complete stranger move in, she was a neighbour in her late 60's that he didn't know. She had an arguement with her family and he just let her stay for a week, again his Grandson calls can I pop around and see what he's upto?
Nickrock Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 We had similar situation we could see dad was coping but surviving but not living he had his routine ( was 94) but determined to stay in his House , had seen what mum had gone through with toumour of the brain stem and spent her last 6 months incoherent in a rest home .Dad had spent the previous 18 months caring for her So some time after mum died dad suggested we buy his house long story short we declined but moved in The house was a very large 90 year Old place with huge sun rooms etc but only 2 bed room we converted the second dining room / study computer room in to another bed room 6m x5m with a ensuite in what was part of the massive laundry next door so dad could step out of his bedroom in to the kitchen in the middle of the house and he had the back half of the house with a big sun room and a separate lounge the opened up in to the garden and we had the front half with original dining room and lounge This situation worked well as I left for work at 4am and pang would look in on him before going to work at 9 .Dad would cook his dinner at 5 ( liked his routine )and we would cook about 8ish when we both got home It allowed him to have his independence and privacy but allowed us to keep a eye on him and on our days off he would have dinner with us ,we would have stuff that you just wouldn't bother if you were cooking just for your self like a full on roasts with all the trimmings and old fashioned cooked deserts Any other questions just ask 1 1
lazarus Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 If on good terms, it's a rare honor to spend as much time as possible with one's folks at the tail end of their lives. Despite the stresses of caring for the aged, finding a co-housing arrangement makes it easier and often more fulfilling. 1
Stillearly Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 My dad is 84, since my mum passed 10 years ago , we speak daily ( apart from when I am on holiday , then it's weekly and a few texts ) I also visit a couple of times a week , always on a Sunday for lunch , he puts in the oven , I finish off , serve up and do the dishes .. love him , but no way could I live with him .. he drinks more than I do .. 555
Butch Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 My Dad is in his late 80's, he's capable of looking after himself, but the most important thing is to allow your parents their independence. He's 400 yards away, I see him almost daily and also give him enough space so as not to intrude while keeping everything squared away for him. No one likes to be dependent upon someone, and as a parent that means least of all your kids - because in the eyes of our parents, we have always been dependent upon them. It works differently in SEA and the culture there, but we're not on about that. My Mum and Dad moved in with us for 6 months a few years ago. Co habitation is bloody hard work and the pressure is often on your partner, and kids, not you, because they're your Mum and Dad so you've grown up with them, but your family has not. Bad idea and very hard to make it work keeping everyone happy, especially the kids who need their own space for moods / study and "me time". Also, it puts pressure on them to align with your habits and nuances and vice versa. Argue with the Mrs? everyone sees it. Kids have a meltdown? - everyone sees it. Someone pissing on the toilet seat? - how do you approach that without discussion?. As people get older and face their own mortality, they prefer their chosen company. My Dad chats with his old forces buddies (those that are alive anyway) and he has his own circle of friends. He comes to us when he needs something small or large, because we're his support network, but his emotions he keeps away from us. Living under the same roof would restrict that from him, as he'd feel he would be scrutinised by everyone, making him uncomfortable which in turn would exacerbate things. People need space, they need independence and they need to feel that they're loved and needed. Striking that balance is hard, and when they're living with you, it is almost impossible. That's my opinion, FWIW. 2 1 3
Golfingboy Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 The thing that I don’t wish upon anyone is dealing with a parent with serious dementia. Dad went through it with my grandfather, and it takes serious patience. Funny story about Dad passing last year, as I had wanted to let someone at his old corporation know to pass on the word. He had a good younger friend as a neighbour, they carpooled to work together in the 1980’s. So I couldn’t find him online, but found his daughter’s Facebook and then his email. I then find out his wife, who used to babysit me, had passed at only 60, on St. Paddy’s 2020 when COVID broke, after ten years of dementia. 5 years of getting worse at home, then 5 years in an institution where he’d visit, only to be yelled at by her saying “get out of here, I don’t know you”. That’s very sad….. You hear stories like that, and heart attack or aneurysm, or even a quick killing cancer is much less painful for everyone involved 2
galenkia Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 Mum died at 54,dad at 66. Enjoy what time you can with them. We have a pretty long history of dying young in my family, probably one of the reasons I have lived a destructive lifestyle. Didn't have a high life expectancy. 1 1
Golfingboy Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 2 minutes ago, galenkia said: Mum died at 54,dad at 66. Enjoy what time you can with them. We have a pretty long history of dying young in my family, probably one of the reasons I have lived a destructive lifestyle. Didn't have a high life expectancy. I must say that’s very young for both of them, had no idea mate. As you say, make the most of the years you DO have 1
galenkia Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 1 minute ago, Golfingboy said: I must say that’s very young for both of them, had no idea mate. As you say, make the most of the years you DO have Yes, honestly, none of us know how much time we have, so spend it with your loved ones while you can. 1 1
Painter Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 Mum's 85 today... we had a small family gathering.... which she insisted on catering for, and tidying up afterwards, although I did load the dishwasher. Still remarkably independent, drives into town most days, weekly keep fit group, book groups, WI, puts me to shame really... Lived alone apart from the cat since dad died 12 years ago. We Skype most days, and I'm up there (about 30 miles) every week to cut the grass and do odd things that need doing about the house. My brother and I talk regularly about her future, then rapidly decide not to rock the boat. When she starts to slow down then we'll put some real thought into it. We both hope, in the nicest way, that she just won't wake up one morning before it comes to that.... Oh... she doesn't like "trashy" presents anymore... her request for last Christmas was a ball of string, as hers was running out. For her birthday....could she have a step ladder please as her old one was full of woodworm, and she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to use it to prune the roses.... 5 2
galenkia Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 This Fish song about his father's dimentia pretty sums it up.
Stillearly Posted June 11, 2022 Posted June 11, 2022 58 minutes ago, galenkia said: This Fish song about his father's dimentia pretty sums it up. This one , Glenn Campbell's last song , from a brilliant documentary following his final tour
coxyhog Posted June 12, 2022 Posted June 12, 2022 (edited) My dad died in 2001 aged 79 and my mum's only sibling 3 months later. But my mum is an incredibly strong woman and still going at 92.She joined some clubs and made some good friends,going to pubs every Saturday lunchtime & going all over the country on coach trips.Alas one by one all of her friends have passed away.She was driving up until about a year ago & I was very relieved when she finally agreed for me to sell her car recently. Her memory is pretty awful and a few times lately she's been having what I can only think are hallucinations,seeing and talking to her sister.But I have noticed her walking has been much better lately. She had a bad fall in January which resulted in a two week stay in hospital and several staples in her head and another fall a couple of weeks ago for a two day hospital stay.On both occasions I could tell that the hospital staff were glad to see the back of her as she'd been a very difficult patient.Last time when I went to take her home there was a notice on the (locked) entrance door to the ward: Warning there is a very confused person on the other side of this door.It was her,trying to get out. She still lives in the house I was brought up in,with only an upstairs toilet and bedrooms also upstairs.We wanted to get her a flat near us(6 miles away) but she is very stubborn and refuses to move.My missus was going round & doing some hoovering etc but in the end stopped as it was causing a lot of friction.My mum also refuses any help from social services. I have no brothers or sisters so I spend an awful lot of time & petrol going round the M25 to sort out any problems she has,also to do her shopping.One bright spot on the horizon is that she's agreed to go into a care home for 6 weeks so that I can go to Thailand with the missus. Boy am I looking forward to that. Edited June 12, 2022 by coxyhog 3 1
Freee!! Posted June 12, 2022 Posted June 12, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, coxyhog said: One bright spot on the horizon is that she's agreed to go into a care home for 6 weeks so that I can go to Thailand with the missus. Boy am I looking forward to that. Let's hope she likes it so much she wants to stay there. My father died a couple of years ago at age 79, still clear of mind but his body was more or less done for, so he decided to call it quits with medical assistance. My mother is 80, still going strong mentally, but a couple of fractures have limited her a bit. A couple of years ago she broke her vow of never remarrying after the divorce with my father (about 40 years ago now). Edited June 12, 2022 by Freee!! 1 1
coxyhog Posted June 12, 2022 Posted June 12, 2022 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Freee!! said: Let's hope she likes it so much she wants to stay there. Absolutely! Btw when I rang her this afternoon she'd been doing a spot of gardening! Edited June 12, 2022 by coxyhog 1
Smiler Posted June 13, 2022 Posted June 13, 2022 (edited) I returned to UK in 2018 because of concerns about my old girl. My sister lives almost opposite her, is 13 years younger than me and was/is her principal carer. She was in the midst of a health scare herself and with a couple of teenage lads, had her hands full. After a couple of days we had a coffee in Marks and sparks, I told mum she was looking great, better than when young Smiler and I saw her the previous Christmas. She said she was afraid of losing her mind as she was getting a bit forgetful. Relaying the conversation to my sis later that evening, she had also had had the same chat with mum but we both thought she was quite bright and sharp. No worries really. Next morning I am still on Thai time and awake at stupid o'clock. I go to the fridge for milk and find the remote control for the TV in there... 😃🙄😁 Since 2018 I have been trying to split myself between UK and Thailand. I will be back in UK in a couple of months to give my sis a break, sort any jobs that need doing around mum's and so on. The mother in law is 96 and as Mrs Smiler is the youngest child she takes care. Its a full time 24/7 job. I may do a separate thread on Yai, she is an amazing woman. Never imagined my life would end up revolving around 2 elderly ladies half a world away from each other. As was mentioned earlier it is a real privaledge to help them enjoy their twilight years, it's so rewarding all be it hard work sometimes. Ads mate you certainly aren't alone with your deliberations on what to do. There is not a one size fits all solution IMHO, some good experiences here though and hopefully food for thought. Edited June 13, 2022 by Smiler 7
Popular Post Britboy Posted June 13, 2022 Popular Post Posted June 13, 2022 You're definitely not alone @AJSP. I've now been through it myself. I moved to Thailand early August 2019, plan was to stay for 6 months and see if I enjoyed it enough to stay permanently. I set up everything so I could do that, retirement visa, etc. My mum was 93 at the time and I have a brother who lives about 20 miles away from mum. I'd always lived well away (Surrey, USA, Ipswich and Bedford) but it was always me that mum contacted when she had issues. My brother, despite being in close proximity, was pretty much useless. My mum was a highly intelligent lady, had a good career and was full of life. My dad died in 2005 (he'd actually have been 100 in 2 days time) and from that point my mum went downhill, albeit slowly. Gradually she stopped going out so much, stopped going on holidays with her friends and became a bit of a recluse. This affected her mentally and gradually she became forgetful, repeating herself and somewhat grumpy. She had all the time in the world on her hands, but if I went a week without calling her, she'd get the hump. When I said things like "well, you have a phone that makes outgoing calls too mum" I got scoffed at. Very frustrating. Move forward to July 2019, I drove the 100 miles to her on a frequent basis, knowing I was going to Thailand, setting her up with things and doing my utmost to make sure she was going to be ok. I set her up with an Alexa, but mentally she was somewhat losing the plot, getting really frustrated when Alexa wouldn't work because she kept forgetting to start every instruction with "Alexa". I'd get "bloody thing won't work" . . . I set it up so she could make phone/video calls from it without her having to get up, etc. but all that proved to be in vain as she just couldn't get it. While being highly intelligent, anything remotely technical she had a mental block. I must have been through half a dozen different mobile phones, none of which she could get the hang of. So I went to Thailand and made sure to call her every couple of days. She actually did call me too, but again she couldn't get her head around I was 7 hours ahead. First couple of times she woke me up at 3 or 4 am, so 8 or 9 pm in England when she was sitting watching TV and just thought to call. I didn't really want to have my phone on silent, in case there was an emergency, but I had to in the end to stop getting woken up and on one occasion while I was doing the business with my girlfriend of the day. It got to the 5 month point when I was deciding whether to remain in Thailand or go back to UK. Then Covid struck and at the same time my mum was obviously going downhill mentally. She kept forgetting I was in Thailand, she kept saying "how's Malaysia?" So decision made, go back. I'd sold everything in UK, so said to her I'll come and stay with you for a while to make sure you're ok. She was very pleased about that. On getting back I could see she was really struggling and I had to really keep my wits about me. She was brought up by her mum and dad in a road about 2 miles away and she got the fixation that she still lived there. I had the bedroom downstairs, by the front door and on two occasions I heard her coming down the stairs. I went out of my room, she had her coat on and was carrying a small bag she'd packed saying that she was going home now. It took me ages to convince her that she lived here and needs to go back upstairs. Broke my heart as I ended up having to be quite strong with her. She might have been losing the plot mentally but she was still smart enough to do it a 3rd time another night, creeping down the stairs so quietly I didn't hear her. I was watching TV when I got a phone call from the care home that's a few hundred yards away saying they'd found her in the middle of the main road (they knew her as before I came back I'd arranged for them to go in each morning to check on her). That was a real shock and from that point on I had to make sure the front door was permanently locked. Also bearing in mind this was late Feb, early March, so freezing cold outside too. It was obvious she couldn't live on her own any more, so my brother and I had discussions about what best to do. She earned enough in pensions to cover the cost of being a permanent resident in that nearby care home, so I made enquiries and was quite a way down the line to organising it when on March 27th, when I was downstairs, I heard a thump upstairs, rushed up and found her collapsed on the conservatory floor. She was out cold and very pale. I called 999, operator said it'll be 40 minutes. Christ . . . It ended up being about 25 mins when an ambulance showed up. They thought she was faking it . . . Grrrrrrr . . . Facially she looked ok, albeit pale, but she was definitely out for the count. They brought the stretcher up, I left them to load her up and went downstairs to wait for them, keeping out of the way. As they wheeled her across the courtyard one of the ambulance staff said "is her face normally like that?" WTF . . the right side of her face had dropped, obviously a stroke. Errr, no, it isn't ffs. I don't know if there's such a thing as a delayed stroke. If so, this was it. I wondered if them manhandling her (she's only 5 foot tall, can't have weighed more than 7 stone) caused it. Long story short, the hospital called me that night to say she'd had a major stroke, they'd pumped her full of whatever it is, in the hope it would clear any clots. Next day they called to say it'd made no difference, she was still unconscious and the prognosis was not good at all, but they'd still keep treating her. No change for a couple of days, the doc called me on the 5th day to say there was no hope and they recommended to put her on end of life care. Oh, by the way, you can't come visit as it's lockdown. UK locked down first time on March 20th, this was April 1st. I'm afraid I lost the plot at that point. I'll miss all the expletives, but the essence was "how do you expect me to make a decision like that without even seeing her?" Finally they agreed to let me visit, providing I gowned up with PPE, mask, etc. etc. Of course, understand that and no problem. So next day I went to visit, she was out cold, had already lost even more weight and looked terrible. It was obvious there was no way back, no response when I spoke to her, though she did move around slightly on her left side. Her whole right side was paralysed. To see my mum like that was heartbreaking. I held her hand and spoke to her and she did actually squeeze my hand quite tightly. It seemed like there was some recognition there, must have been my voice. I was only allowed 20 mins, but stayed 45, despite the nurses trying to adhere to "their rules". f**k OFF, I'll go when I'm fucking ready. To be fair, the chief nurse was really good. As I de-cloaked she said that if my brother wanted to come in (he drove us there) that's fine. He'd said as we were driving to the hospital that he didn't want to see her, which I thought was odd. I told him the offer was there as I got back in the car, but he still didn't want to. After spending that time with my mum, it's really hard to explain how I felt. Part of me hated seeing her like that, but I didn't know what turmoil was going on in her mind, if she really had her mind at all. If I helped her in any way, it was worth it, despite it upsetting me to see her like that. She's always been such a strong lady (physically and mentally) but I do remember saying to her, as I was holding her hand, to let go. There was no way she'd recover and for sure she wouldn't want to survive without her faculties. She often said to me in later years "I wish I could just take a pill". After that the hospital called each day to say "no change" until April 5th, so 8 days after the stroke, when they called at 10 pm to say she's gone downhill and probably won't last the night. At 11.30 pm was the call to say she'd gone. Long post, sorry, but it's actually been therapeutic getting it all down. It's been over 2 years now and I miss her, despite her being such hard work towards the end. After a period of time that element pales into insignificance compared to all the good years she had and we had as a family. I'm a great believer in fate and the fact Covid hit at the time she was deteriorating caused me to come back and have a last few weeks with her. As to your dilemma @AJSP, it's so tricky. If my mum hadn't passed away, there was little choice but for her to go into full time care. She needed watching (guarding really) 24/7. Your situation is different if your folks are mentally there. Living together would be hard work no doubt, for both you and your parents. You both need space, that's the biggest consideration. Without knowing your folks it's hard to advise, but on the face of it I'd say the flat idea is the best solution, especially if the flat is close by. 8 1 4 1
Bazle Posted June 13, 2022 Posted June 13, 2022 On 6/12/2022 at 5:14 PM, Freee!! said: My father died a couple of years ago at age 79, still clear of mind but his body was more or less done for, so he decided to call it quits with medical assistance. I wish I lived in a country where that were possible. 😟 5
Britboy Posted June 13, 2022 Posted June 13, 2022 56 minutes ago, Bazle said: I wish I lived in a country where that were possible. 😟 Couldn't agree more. I'm a huge advocate of medically assisted death when the person isn't going to get better and has had enough. As the saying goes you wouldn't treat a dog like we treat some humans, just keeping them alive, in pain and feeling awful. I feel certain that in 100 years it'll be readily available and some years after that people will be saying "in the old days people had to suffer through indignity and pain. Now we can book our death online". 1
galenkia Posted June 13, 2022 Posted June 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Bazle said: I wish I lived in a country where that were possible. 😟 If you are mentally fit to decide to end your life due to serious medical reasons I think we should allow it in the UK. It's Like being punished to stay alive. 2
Popular Post maipenrai Posted June 13, 2022 Popular Post Posted June 13, 2022 Reading Britboy's account brought back a lot of memories for me of dealing with my own failing mother some years ago; after my father passed away just short of 92 years old, Mom didn't do too bad for the first year or so but then started failing mentally, although in retrospect the signs were there for a considerable time before - I can recall Dad saying that he was getting worried about her about three years before his own death as "her memory is getting bad". Around the same time I arranged for her to purchase a computer, thinking she could get into it and keep better touch with her relatives through e-mail but she just couldn't figure it out, which perplexed me at the time as she was quite bright in her prime and ran the whole pay department for a big gov't agency at one time. I tried to keep an eye on her as best as possible, considering I was still working full-time in those days; I set her up with an account at the local supermarket so she didn't have to deal with cash or cards, as she kept losing or misplacing them. I'd drop by with the work truck and have lunch with her - at the end eating only something out of a can as she was getting really careless with food keeping, again most unlike her as her kitchen was her pride and joy. The delusions started - her worst obsession was that Dad was bringing home guests for dinner, and sometimes I'd step into the house in the late afternoon to find that the table had been laid for six or seven people, and she had enough food to feed them in the oven. Of course, her imaginary guests would not show up and she'd forget that the food was in the oven so that in the morning what was left of her pork chops, etc. would be fed to her dog. Meanwhile I'd be getting hurtful phone calls later in the evening about where was Dad, where were the guests, etc. - "I'm mad as hell, I've been waiting for hours for these people!". I'd take her grocery shopping sometimes and she always bought way more meat than she needed to, again for her imaginary guests. It had its humorous moments - one time I retrieved a voice mail she had left where after the announcement message she said, in the crisp English accent she still had part of after all of those years in Canada, "Thank you, operator." But the writing was on the wall - one night I got a phone call from Mom's neighbour telling me that an ambulance had come and taken her away; I rushed down to the hospital and it turned out that she had tripped over her coffee table and couldn't get up so hit her "panic button" lanyard which summoned the ambulance. They kept her overnight for observation but luckily she was only bruised and I took her home again. Two weeks later I got a call in the morning from the same neighbours informing me that an ambulance had taken her away again the night before and I remember being a little pissed off that the hospital hadn't called me as I was listed as her next of kin. Again I went to the hospital and she was in much rougher shape this time - one of the social workers was talking with her as she sat there crying and I asked her what was wrong - "I've just lost my husband", who of course had been gone for three years at that point. As it turned out, this time she'd hit the panic button because she was downstairs in her bedroom being violently ill, throwing up all over her bed in the process - I suspect because she'd eaten some food that had been in the fridge too long. Well, they kept her for a few days and I guess they must have realized how far she'd gone mentally because they arranged a video conference with a geriatric psychologist from Vancouver, with home care, social workers, etc. and myself as family rep. I can clearly remember the Vancouver doctor saying gently to my mother, "You do realize, M*****, that you can't live alone any more, you can't take care of yourself" and hearing her quietly replying "I know". It still brings a tear to my eye when I think of the courage it took to say those words, knowing how much her life would change - that brief moment of lucidity in the middle of her increasing madness. After this, we were lucky to get her into a month's respite care in a lovely new care home which ended up, again very luckily, in a permanent placement. For the first nine months or so she was in the dementia ward, which I was free to come and go from any time as I had been given the door code. I'd go up and have lunch with her quite often for the first few months and there were some interesting moments, such as when she thought she was back in 1930's England again - "have you come down from Sutton Coldfield today?" - er, no. After she started losing her mobility she was transferred to a regular ward and there she spent the rest of her days - I'd been given joint financial authority long before this and paid all her bills for her, as well as moving into her house and doing considerable renovations over the next six years that she spent in care before mercifully passing away, renting out my own place in the meantime. I'd get up to visit her at least once a week for the first couple of years, but for the last five years she was completely catatonic, just nothing left mentally at all and it broke my heart enough that my visits dwindled to once a month or so. When I finally got the call that she was failing, I spent most of a day with her, holding her hand and talking to her - of course without response - then went home that evening, only to be awoken by "The Call" in the middle of the night and it was all over. I might add that my older local brother, who stayed as much out of the whole thing as he could, visited her twice in the first six months of her care and then never went back again - "I just can't handle it" - well, somebody had to and I was the one to step up - my eldest brother living in Australia would have gladly helped out but couldn't do anything from that distance. My father had also spent his last year in this care facility and was mentally sharp up until the end, but was completely worn out physically from the trials of his younger years - depression, war, living rough, etc. and of course Mom was there to care for him in his declining years so I wasn't much involved with that - she'd been a nurse in England during the war and for some years after before moving to Canada so had knowledge of this. As much as I was sorry to see Dad go, I miss my Mom so much more because nobody will ever love you like your mother does and she was always there for me when I needed her - may they both RIP. 6 3
Popular Post Britboy Posted June 13, 2022 Popular Post Posted June 13, 2022 That's a really moving story @maipenrai. As a finale to my story above, my mum passing early April 2020, at the start of the first lockdown, meant we couldn't have a funeral. While that was disappointing, when I thought about it there wouldn't have been many people there anyway. She'd lost touch with pretty much all her friends, there were only a few distant relations left, who mostly live miles away. My mum had kept my dads ashes, they were on display in a high little nook in the hallway leading from the lounge to the kitchen. We had mum cremated, so until the house was sold I put her ashes next to dads. When the house sale completed, my brother took the ashes to keep at his home. Now I'm going to come back to Thailand, as early as late next week, today I contacted him to say we should do something with them. Mum and dad lived in Lowestoft, Suffolk, right on the east coast. My mum was born there, my dad moved there from Wisbech when he was young. They loved the Suffolk coast, were involved with the local lifeboat and her dad, my grandpa, worked at Pryces all his working life, providing supplies to what was a huge trawler and drifter fleet. After my dad died, mum joined the local yacht club. It was about 200 yards from her house and whenever I went back to see her we'd go there for lunch. She just loved that. So my brother and I are going to meet in Lowestoft on Saturday, which is the day our dad would have been 100, and we're going to sprinkle both their ashes into the north sea, off the South Pier, which is 100 yards from the yacht club. 1 8
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