Stuff you do or won't do on an Aircraft

[Butch]

I saw a crappy Daily mail link today from a former trolley dolly telling us how we shouldn't do X,Y or Z on a plane (as passengers, and keeping it sensible stuff like not shouting "bomb" or "allah akbhar" goes without saying) - however, I won't post it as it is literally crap.

Although stuff I won't do on a plane does include one of her points and that is to drink hot beverages or more importantly, non bottled water. She said the Water tanks on the aircraft are not that strictly cleaned and are "disgusting". How true this I I've no idea but I rarely drink non bottled or non filtered water anyway, especially on a plane.

I also try not to use the toilet if possible, and always brush my teeth and wash with bottled water, or just use a wet wipe around my chops on my visit to the bog. Wiping all surfaces down goes without saying (always have, always will) and I also use my own headphones and avoid using the blankets (I've heard there's a danger of red eye). i'm not adverse to stealing the blanket at the end of the flight however.

Also I ensure I wear my shoes when visiting the toilet, as standing in other peoples piss is unpleasant. As for the food, I'll eat it but I order a vegetarian meal as special dietary stuff is usually served first and take a mars bar or granola bar in case.

 

Edited August 24, 2022 by Butch
grammar

[Derek Dangleberries]

After years of flying Business Class I learnt not to drink champagne on a flight because it gasses you up and makes you fart.

[Derek Dangleberries]

Also business....... when they come round offering chocolates, hold the box with your left hand and take as many chocolates as you wish with your right hand because they can't pull it away ...(Thank my Mum for that bit of advice)

[coxyhog]

2 hours ago, Derek Dangleberries said:

After years of flying Business Class I learnt not to drink champagne on a flight because it gasses you up and makes you fart.

Whenever I've flown business short haul I've always got as much bubbly down my neck as I could.It was always going to/from work & I never had to drive at either end.Also I used to fly between Muscat & Bangkok a lot business & did much the same.I've always thought of it as part of the fare,& if working part of my wages.

On the short haul aircraft that I used to work on the potable water tank was sterilised on every major check,so probably annually.Having said that I always used to drink a coffee with cognac on long haul,maybe the cognac sterilised it.

Only problem I ever had was my first flight to Malmo,where I worked for nearly 3 years.It was Bad Airways & I had a chicken sandwich.Cost me around £1000 in lost fees.

[Sangsom]

Long haul flights nearly always get pissed so I sleep. Tend to buy some duty free vodka and put it into about a third of a small Fanta bottle. That gets me there after a few of the wines they serve.

[Derek Dangleberries]

8 minutes ago, coxyhog said:

Whenever I've flown business short haul I've always got as much bubbly down my neck as I could.It was always going to/from work & I never had to drive at either end.Also I used to fly between Muscat & Bangkok a lot business & did much the same.I've always thought of it as part of the fare,& if working part of my wages.

I've always guzzled the red wine and also drank the port in tumblers like the uneducated heathen that I am...

[Derek Dangleberries]

2 minutes ago, Sangsom said:

Long haul flights nearly always get pissed so I sleep. Tend to buy some duty free vodka and put it into about a third of a small Fanta bottle. That gets me there after a few of the wines they serve.

Going via Amsterdam when flying cabbage class I always purchased the selection box of Laphraoig and split it open in my carry on ...just in case ...

[Stillearly]

I find it really difficult to sleep on aircraft ( doesn't matter where on the plane I am sat ) ... so normally just drink at a steady pace and watch movies 

[Derek Dangleberries]

Whilst flying EVA PE you should grab the FA as early as possible and get as many bottles of Baileys as she will give you because they run out fast !!!!

[Derek Dangleberries]

Just now, Stillearly said:

I find it really difficult to sleep on aircraft ( doesn't matter where on the plane I am sat ) ... so normally just drink at a steady pace and watch movies 

Do you every cry and sob out loud at the sad bits ....????

[Stillearly]

Just now, Derek Dangleberries said:

Do you every cry and sob out loud at the sad bits ....????

Worst ones were "Marley and Me" , "Warhorse" and "Coco"  ...🥲

[galenkia]

Always flown long haul smashed on booze and tranq's.

Upon landing, sometimes I wasn't sure what country I was in as I was so wrecked.

God knows how immigration let me in.

[forqalso]

Don’t tranquilize yourself until the plane is at cruising altitude.  The least thing that could go wrong is you have to change planes before takeoff and you sleep through it, the worst could trying a fuzzy headed egress because of an aborted takeoff or something along those lines. Low, low odds I know but it still happens. 

[Butch]

1 hour ago, forqalso said:

Don’t tranquilize yourself until the plane is at cruising altitude.  The least thing that could go wrong is you have to change planes before takeoff and you sleep through it, the worst could trying a fuzzy headed egress because of an aborted takeoff or something along those lines. Low, low odds I know but it still happens. 

I agree this is the best advice. Being the lightweight that I am I took a xanax given to me by a mate on a flight about 5 years back. I took it just before dinner on the EVA flight which is 2 hours out of LHR usually, was woken up not far out of BKK, but I felt like crap and didn't get to feel half compos mentis until half way through the walk to immigration.

[Butch]

1 hour ago, galenkia said:

Always flown long haul smashed on booze and tranq's.

Upon landing, sometimes I wasn't sure what country I was in as I was so wrecked.

God knows how immigration let me in.

"And upon hearing the words "Welcome to Kabul" @galenkia thought me might have possibly been at the wrong gate during boarding..."

[Nightcrawler]

4 things I have never done on a plane in all my years of flying:

1. Take a dump.

2. Clap when the plane lands

3. Enter a toilet with no shoes on. 

4.Ask for a second meal 

I really don't get all that clapping business  on touch down, as if it's some kind of a miracle that the plane made it,or congratulating the pilot for doing their job of flying the aircraft. Who are they clapping for, ffs ?

[Butch]

4 minutes ago, Nightcrawler said:

4 things I have never done on a plane in all my years of flying:

1. Take a dump.

2. Clap when the plane lands

3. Enter a toilet with no shoes on. 

4.Ask for a second meal 

I really don't get all that clapping business  on touch down, as if it's some kind of a miracle that the plane made it,or congratulating the pilot for doing their job of flying the aircraft. Who are they clapping for, ffs ?

Thus we can, by your admission surmise that you have:

1.  Joined the mile high club (with either male or female company)

2. Been caught masturbating under the blanket and asked to desist.

3. stuffed all the lavatory paper down the toilet once finished, thus putting other passengers to deliberate inconvenience as the toilet is then closed.

4. asked for a second drink

5. Had an unfortunate erection when the male steward delivered aforementioned beverage.

[Nightcrawler]

1 minute ago, Butch said:

Thus we can, by your admission surmise that you have:

1.  Joined the mile high club (with either male or female company)

2. Been caught masturbating under the blanket and asked to desist.

3. stuffed all the lavatory paper down the toilet once finished, thus putting other passengers to deliberate inconvenience as the toilet is then closed.

4. asked for a second drink

5. Had an unfortunate erection when the male steward delivered aforementioned beverage.

I admit to 3&4. 😁

The last time I flew on BA Club Class, I made sure I got friendly with one of the mincer cabini crew and ending up with 9 empty miniature Jack Daniels on the floor and 5 full ones that I stuffed in my hand luggage. 

[Butch]

3 minutes ago, Nightcrawler said:

I admit to 3&4. 😁

The last time I flew on BA Club Class, I made sure I got friendly with one of the mincer cabini crew and ending up with 9 empty miniature Jack Daniels on the floor and 5 full ones that I stuffed in my hand luggage. 

Are you not sure it's 4 and 5? lol...

 

Edited August 24, 2022 by Butch

[Nightcrawler]

Oh, and one more thing. 

Never used that cheap cologne they place in the lavatories 

I usually freshen up before the breakfast or last meal arrives before landing. In slum class the toilets become a disaster area and queues outside . Piss all over the floor and toilet bowl stacked up to the brim having stuffed loads of toilet paper down during the flight. 😁😁

[Butch]

7 minutes ago, Nightcrawler said:

Oh, and one more thing. 

Never used that cheap cologne they place in the lavatories 

I usually freshen up before the breakfast or last meal arrives before landing. In slum class the toilets become a disaster area and queues outside . Piss all over the floor and toilet bowl stacked up to the brim having stuffed loads of toilet paper down during the flight. 😁😁

Do you still wear "eau du tramp"?.

I still reckon I'm one of the few pax who still reads the "disaster card" and pays attention to where the exits are. Last thing I need is a woman, child or OAP getting in my way when I'm trying to escape the aircraft during an emergency.

[galenkia]

1 hour ago, Butch said:

I agree this is the best advice. Being the lightweight that I am I took a xanax given to me by a mate on a flight about 5 years back. I took it just before dinner on the EVA flight which is 2 hours out of LHR usually, was woken up not far out of BKK, but I felt like crap and didn't get to feel half compos mentis until half way through the walk to immigration.

Did so much booze and tranq's on a flight home from Thailand I was still unsteady on my feet two days later.

[Nightcrawler]

26 minutes ago, Butch said:

Do you still wear "eau du tramp"?.

 

I always bring my own satchet of lavender water to freshen up with. 🤗

[Derek Dangleberries]

4 hours ago, Stillearly said:

Worst ones were "Marley and Me" , "Warhorse" and "Coco"  ...🥲

My daughter took me to see "Coco" in Central.... I cried in the foyer watching the public information film about child trafficking !!!

[Butch]

37 minutes ago, Derek Dangleberries said:

My daughter took me to see "Coco" in Central.... I cried in the foyer watching the public information film about child trafficking !!!

Mr Dangleberries...I think you might be a bit lost...:) but I alsop wept buckets at "warhorse"

Edited August 24, 2022 by Butch