How Do You Cope ?

[Glasseye]

I know there are no easy answers and that we all have different backgrounds, experiences in life, and perspectives. We all process things differently in our minds and view the World in different ways. But, we are all human.

 

I have always been able to process over time sad events that have happened, whether they were directly within my own realm or somewhere else. But of course managing those losses and recognizing almost daily unbelievable acts of violence and hardship, it's not always easy.

 

Recently there was another mass shooting in the area where I previously lived, Raleigh North Carolina. Five completely innocent people were gunned down randomly by a fifteen year old kid.

 

Watching the short interviews of some of the family members who lost loved ones, the depth of the sadness I felt was significant. Then there was the killings of the children here recently in Udon.

 

I mean man..... I will keep on keeping on until my last breath. But, there are moments when no matter what I do to insulate myself from that sort of anguish it still hits hard and deep. Each time it takes a bit more out of me.

The "coping mechanisms" are there (getting ready for a nice walk). But those mechanisms have limitations.

 

Just curious if any of you guys have any thoughts on this. Understanding that there are really no easy answers. Just would like to know some of your thoughts and how you cope with the incredible violence we see every day.

[Phantom51red]

Nothing else for it but to get on with it,think we've became so used to these horrible sad events now there's just a kind of numbness and disbelief that sets in.

[galenkia]

Been through a hell of a lot of shit in my life,so pretty used to dealing with it.

Drugs and alcohol numbed most of the pain.

To be honest, I don't take other people's problems to heart anymore, have enough of my own to worry about.

[happyfalang]

Unless it was someone you knew personally you have to put it aside.  I mean even on days when there isn't a news report that catches your eye there is violence and evil i the world.  Letting something like this effect you isn't worth it.

 

[Horizondave]

It is sad that many events in our lives are negative, yet they are unfortunately part of what life is about (although hopefully not a major part) and possibly what makes us stronger in our resolve. It can define us as we go about our daily meanderings, some of us can switch off but that doesn't mean we don't care. It is a coping mechanism.

Nobody seeks out bereavement, accidents, tragedy but there are many who try to hide from it all in safe spaces or surround themselves with a forcefield that limits their ability to see certain films, TV programs or any negativity of any sort. They don't want to watch news about war or death or killing of innocents, but trouble is those very people can be more traumatised by events that smack them in the face than those who have not closed their eyes.

Today kids get upset at opinions, they are shocked at a view different to theirs and during Covid some couldn't cope at not seeing their friends. God, forbid, they don't get enough likes on Facebook; quite a few suicides occur due to their inability to deal with reality.

I don't want to see bad events in my life but to ignore them or to limit what comes into my space is not going to keep me sane through our lives.

If we leave our front door and own a TV, we will see things we may not want to, but it is the reality that some of us will deal with better than others.

[Freee!!]

Frankly, like @galenkia, if it doesn't concern me directly, I don't take it to heart anymore either. Been there, done that, got the (psychic) scars, so no more. It may seem cold and heartless, but I got those scars because I wasn't, at least not nearly enough.

[coxyhog]

If it doesn't affect me then it doesn't bother me.

Shit happens.

[Zambo]

For guns and mass killings, presumably by mentally damaged people as the sane by definition could not carry out such an act, I do think both access to guns and more responsible reporting by friends, relatives and instituitions would help. So although I can't feel the pain of those closely affected I do think more could be done. Thailand for example has a very high figure for gun ownership, but are safeguards in place.

For suffering in general, be that by famine, war or political failings I quote from George Galloway

"...........which killed one million Iraqis, most of them children, most of them died before they even knew that they were Iraqis, but they died for no other reason other than that they were Iraqis with the misfortune to be born at that time."

Just the luck of the draw perhaps.....

I am lucky to have been born in a free country, to a good family with the opportunity to be well fed, educated, earn some money and travel the world. It is hard to imagine the difficulties so many endure. But we can only really take care of, and feel responsible for, those close to us either emotionally or physically.

[boydeste]

14 hours ago, Zambo said:

I am lucky to have been born in a free country, to a good family with the opportunity to be well fed, educated, earn some money and travel the world. It is hard to imagine the difficulties so many endure. But we can only really take care of, and feel responsible for, those close to us either emotionally or physically.

Ditto for me too!

[Yessongs]

Like alot of us that have been around a while, we all long for the time when violence etc. was not so prevalent. There are no easy answers no doubt, the world has changed and not so sure for the better. 

I have never been one to live my life in fear, I am not going to start now, but....for those of us who have kids that have been a very important part of your life, I worry about them going forward. When you are in your 30's, you are in the peak of your life ( so to speak) you want to go out and do things, you are not the " sit around the house type" then you have to be aware of your surroundings these days. Sad...........but true. 

@Glasseye The incident you referred to must have hit home for you from North Carolina...just senseless. 

Same in Stockton, Calif for me, they arrested a guy who was just going around shooting people for what appears to be absolutely no reason. His MO was to go at night and if you happen to walk by him, he just turned around and shot you. Absolutely mind boggling the type of people out there today. 

[Glasseye]

18 hours ago, Yessongs said:

Like alot of us that have been around a while, we all long for the time when violence etc. was not so prevalent. There are no easy answers no doubt, the world has changed and not so sure for the better. 

I have never been one to live my life in fear, I am not going to start now, but....for those of us who have kids that have been a very important part of your life, I worry about them going forward. When you are in your 30's, you are in the peak of your life ( so to speak) you want to go out and do things, you are not the " sit around the house type" then you have to be aware of your surroundings these days. Sad...........but true. 

@Glasseye The incident you referred to must have hit home for you from North Carolina...just senseless. 

Same in Stockton, Calif for me, they arrested a guy who was just going around shooting people for what appears to be absolutely no reason. His MO was to go at night and if you happen to walk by him, he just turned around and shot you. Absolutely mind boggling the type of people out there today. 

 

Thanks for your thoughts Mike. I think we are on the same page.

And I did see that story about the killer in Stockton. Really f***d up. 

I hope they are able to make a strong case against the dude. For some reason I sensed that they may have arrested him before they really wanted to because they recognized his behavior was fitting the pattern. I could be wrong but from what I remember they were watching the guy for a while. This suggests to me that they were still "building a case". Which means what they had on him up to that point was not rock solid. Otherwise they would have grabbed much sooner.

 

 

[Mr. Smooth]

19 hours ago, Yessongs said:

Like alot of us that have been around a while, we all long for the time when violence etc. was not so prevalent. There are no easy answers no doubt, the world has changed and not so sure for the better. 

I have never been one to live my life in fear, I am not going to start now, but....for those of us who have kids that have been a very important part of your life, I worry about them going forward. When you are in your 30's, you are in the peak of your life ( so to speak) you want to go out and do things, you are not the " sit around the house type" then you have to be aware of your surroundings these days. Sad...........but true. 

@Glasseye The incident you referred to must have hit home for you from North Carolina...just senseless. 

Same in Stockton, Calif for me, they arrested a guy who was just going around shooting people for what appears to be absolutely no reason. His MO was to go at night and if you happen to walk by him, he just turned around and shot you. Absolutely mind boggling the type of people out there today. 

This was major news in the Sacramento area naturally and a sense of relief from the residents, as well as appreciation for LE, once the guy was arrested. For myself, it hurts for me when a local law enforcement officer....police, Deputy Sherriff, Highway Patrol, is killed in the line of duty and it's announced that the dead officer leaves behind a wife and however many kids. My father was a cop for nearly 30 years and as a youngster, I just took it for granted he would come home after his shift. Only when I was older did it hit me what could happen, and it's heartbreaking to know those kids won't ever have their father coming home again.

What did affect me the most in recent times I guess was that among the 13 dead US servicemen and women in Afghanistan during the withdraw of American forces in August of 2021, was a young woman just a few years out of high school serving her country, who had lived and went to school not 10 minutes away from my house. I know it's different being in the military from just an innocent civilian being shot to death for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but still, that hit me, as well as the community up here, pretty hard.

[Glasseye]

14 hours ago, Mr. Smooth said:

This was major news in the Sacramento area naturally and a sense of relief from the residents, as well as appreciation for LE, once the guy was arrested. For myself, it hurts for me when a local law enforcement officer....police, Deputy Sherriff, Highway Patrol, is killed in the line of duty and it's announced that the dead officer leaves behind a wife and however many kids. My father was a cop for nearly 30 years and as a youngster, I just took it for granted he would come home after his shift. Only when I was older did it hit me what could happen, and it's heartbreaking to know those kids won't ever have their father coming home again.

What did affect me the most in recent times I guess was that among the 13 dead US servicemen and women in Afghanistan during the withdraw of American forces in August of 2021, was a young woman just a few years out of high school serving her country, who had lived and went to school not 10 minutes away from my house. I know it's different being in the military from just an innocent civilian being shot to death for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but still, that hit me, as well as the community up here, pretty hard.

 

During the early stages of Afghanistan and Iraq wars there were quite a few service people coming back in body bags. Probably a lot more than most people realize.

I kind of was in tune at the time with the unfortunate reality regarding this as I had to coordinate escorts between the local airport and the towns scattered across the area. Doing those escorts (big numbers over a period of time) gave me a much different perspective compared to what I had prior to that. Most of those folks who came back in a bag had lived in a different small town. Each of those little towns (and a couple of bigger ones) felt the loss.

I remember when I was a kid walking home from school seeing those flags in the front windows of some houses. Never gave them much thought, until I learned later that those were in memory of a service person lost in Vietnam.