HiEnergy Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 · Hello Everybody, I'm new here on these forums and I am very curious to know about the dynamics of dating a Thai women. I know I know (be gentle please)...you'll probably say here comes another one! Anyway.. · I'm in my early fifties, one child and a marriage that's not been working for years now separated ..nothing dramatic! I've dated a few women here and there but nothing serious. While surfing I cam across some stuff about Thai women and I decided to get myself an account on a Thai dating App for kicks. I had never been to Thailand before but I've travelled extensively around the works and SE Asia and am pretty familiar with some of the cultures out there. So I get to chatting up with a few women and most of them are either hooker/bar girls or poorly educated women looking for a sponsor, Not to mention scammers. Not much of any kind of an intellectual connection there! A month into the app and I'm getting pretty bored I run into this lady who seemed pretty different from the rest. She seems educated, running her own business in Isan (She is originally from BKK), speaks basic English and is 41 years old and single..no children. A few days into our conversation (I'm doing most of the questioning) she tells me she was in toxic relationship with a Thai man that worked with her in a Bank prior to her starting her business) and he never cared for her, cheated her out of money was violent enough to put her in the hospital. Now she is depressed and taking Anti-depressants for the past 3 years. I urge her to get off the medication and try alternative stuff. To make it short at some stage we take a shine for each other (after 5 months of chatting) I decide to visit Thailand as I am going to Singapore on business. I get to Bkk and she flies down from Ubon to meet me. We stay together at a hotel and everything seems good. I learn (prior to my trip) that she owns 3 houses, which she has shown me over a Video chat, she also drive decent cars..so my general impression is that she is pretty well off as she claims. Her family has property in BKK too. 20 days go by and we've been travelling around the country to..Phuket, Ayutthia, Pattaya. In Bkk I am even taken to her friend office who is a senior bank manager. Even though I am doing most of the spending she sometimes chips in on her own when I dont have change..no demand for gifts or expensive restaurants. So everything checks right. At the back of my mind I'm always cautious. So I fly back to Europe and we are chatting everyday. Suddenly there is a problem as one of her customers is defaulting on a large payment and she's running out of capital. She make no demand from me. But I can see she is stressed and depressed and is trying to resolve issues with a lawyer (I've seen docs). On my part I am encouraging here and she continues to happily chat with me and I never even offered to send her any financial help either. A few weeks later she suddenly reveals to me (I presume without thinking) that it was not her Ex b/f she had a toxic relationship with but her ex business partner who is actually Butch (Woman). :))) ! And it gets better..I press her to send me pics of her partner and she shows me pics of them both with this butch resting her hand on he just like if they were a couple. I was pretty taken aback as to why she went on to spin such an elaborate story of her ex who is supposed to be a man she was in love with...she had even showed me a pic of a girl who supposedly was the one her ex left her for. Now the story remains the same but the characters change!! When I ask her for a explanation she suddenly brickwalls me says this was her past and she has nothing to explain as to why she did not tell the truth....just a vague comment that she was concerned I might not continue talking to her given my conservative views. But she insists she is not into women, and it was her partner who was in love with her and purely platonic, and the money she was cheated out was because of the other women her business partner was seeing. Also one a fit of fury this butch violently attacked her and she was in the hospital for a few weeks. I saw pics and doctors report - detailed stuff. Fascinating situation..just when you thought you saw it all! · · Next she says she is sorry for not telling me the truth but refuses to continue talking saying that she is convinced that from now things wont be the same so lets e friends. I take 2 days to think about as my alarm bells are going off! I decide to act as normal and pretend to go along with whatever explanation she has offered to get to the bottom of this drama. We continue chatting for a day as before and then I cut her off for a day. She writes to me a message asking what is wrong and I briefly reply I am dealing with a personal problem and will be back. I get back to her after 3 days...she responds, then I ask her to call me back and she does not...just a smiling emoji. I do not insist but next day I call her up and after a short chat she says she just want to be friends and she will let me know in the future if there will be anyone in her life blah blah! So here were my observations about here since we stared talking 5 months ago...she never asked me much about my past, except what I told her. It was always me doing most of the calling, rarely would she call (She maintained that she did not want to disturb me, even though I told her I would not be). After those 20 days in BKK, we never really talked about any future seriously but we had planned to meet in November, either I would fly her down or I would go to Bkk meet up. She never asked me to visit her in Ubon where she lives and I presumed that she probably wanted to make sure who I was before inviting me over etc. There is lots more to write and about small stuff that bothered me. · · I read a lot on forums about Thai women and how differently perceive things about Farrangs. Not to mention the countless complaints from Expats about how manipulative many of the Thai women were. · · What intrigues me here is this elaborate spin she has been giving me and I suspect its only half the truth. At any point she did not ask me for money for her problem....which to be honest I am sure she was having as there was lot of stuff and video I saw when talking to her... But a times I probably got this nagging feeling that she was probably expecting me to offer to help (I may be wrong...but I am always alert). So is a part of the culture to lie and spin such yarns? I was introduced to her sister and cousin over video on one occasion. Also I am sure she was always by herself as whenever I called she answered and was alone at home. My concern, after reading so much on Thai women, that I was ( not sure) possibly being set up for something?? Its clear she is educated and not lacking financially...how she dresses, spends, drives and talks. But the lying bit I cant figure out..and yes before I forget the famous silent treatment with no explanation..always it was me that contacted her. I lost no money, had a good time...my intentions were pretty genuine. Bit by nature I am very suspicious and have dated from several cultures so I am on my guard. But this one has me intrigued. It has several tell a tales of whatever others have experienced with some Thai women! So much lying and drama!! Yes and the Thais obsessing with social media and their phones...posting childish stuff of Tik Tok...social media...countless selfies!! Whats going on in Thailand? Its certainly different that many other Asian cultures I have experienced. Another thing I noticed that Thais dont seem to read a lot, I have not seen one bookshop in BKK and I did go around the city. I'm not looking for relationship advise, but there seems to be too much drama and loads of complaints about the women not being very truthful. With no disrespect to the Thai culture or people..but this bit really intrigues me. I did like the country though and will visit again! Would if anyone would care to seriously comment! 😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Butch Posted August 20 Popular Post Share Posted August 20 (edited) Note: This is my personal opinion and I'm in NO WAY an expert, there are some better qualified guys here than I who will hopefully answer with more info. You've done the right thing by exercising your own "caveat emptor". At the age of 41 she's effectively going to be single for the rest of her life in Thailand as culturally they tend to marry at younger ages, that is unless she meets a foreigner. That's "by the by" however and doesn't really have much of an impact on the situation or the future. Thais don't really like confrontation, and the "face" plays a big part of the culture. I'm sure there are members here who know families who have a BMW on the driveway but jack shit in the fridge. 3 houses , nice cars etc all give the impression of "face" but paying for them is a different thing altogether, and it might be that she's got herself in too deep and has perhaps come out with a story to cover. I'd be looking to find out if the business she has can sustain the lifestyle she leads, and if it does not, I'd be asking myself why. I'd be concerned about the level of dishonesty on both a relationship and business level. LGBT relationships are perfectly normal in Thailand, and accepted. Her reluctance to share the truth with you at first would again, encourage me to ask why. I'm sure you've been open and honest to her and she has a good idea of your financial situation and emotional investment, so it should have been reciprocated. I've found that Thai females also work very much on a basis of unless they are asked, they won't tell. Now, the past is the past and none of us are in any kind of position to judge others on what they have done, which is handy because I'd really be in the shit if that was the case. I think that past relationships / actions / "misdemeanors" are best left alone as they only lead to ill feeling and arguments when they resurface. Some of us prefer to hide our pasts, others are open. It's purely down to the individual and Thais are no different from any other culture in that respect. There's a difference between hiding our past by not talking, and lying about it to deceive on purpose - whether or not that deception is protecting her or even you. Thai women are manipulative, but judging by your writing I'd wager that you are not an idiot and can see where this is heading. Yes, she wants you to offer financial support, because they all want that. She doesn't want to lose face by asking because your reply might be "You've got 3 houses and drive a good car, why do you need my money" (which would be my response). So that leaves more questions than answers with regards to the situation, which in itself is a red flag. I'd be tempted to put down on a bit of paper or sheet of A4 all the "red flags", then see if there is a counter to them or a motivation on her part. See where there's balance and truth, look to where she's been 100% truthful and the areas in which she hasn't. If a woman told me she could cook and she couldn't, that's one thing. If she told me she was a virgin and she wasn't, that's a different thing altogether. Sorry if the above is a word salad, but again , please read my own caveat at the top. Edited August 20 by Butch 5 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zambo Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 Sock puppetry in long-form. It's difficult to know where to start. "The butch violently attacked her and she was in hospital for a few weeks" really? A knife? Police? Assault? A few weeks is over a month right! "Thais don't read a lot", "not one bookshop in BKK". Got to admit on my visits to Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy the latest Graham Greene hasn't been the main topic of conversation. I'd be tempted to make the posts shorter and use flashbacks to add elaboration. I've reread several times and think i see the "problems" we could respond to: 1. Thais lie so much. In fact Thais do not lie more than others in SE Asia. 2. Thais follow social media too much. Worldwide and yes, too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aqualung Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 2 hours ago, Butch said: Note: This is my personal opinion and I'm in NO WAY an expert, there are some better qualified guys here than I who will hopefully answer with more info. You've done the right thing by exercising your own "caveat emptor". At the age of 41 she's effectively going to be single for the rest of her life in Thailand as culturally they tend to marry at younger ages, that is unless she meets a foreigner. That's "by the by" however and doesn't really have much of an impact on the situation or the future. Thais don't really like confrontation, and the "face" plays a big part of the culture. I'm sure there are members here who know families who have a BMW on the driveway but jack shit in the fridge. 3 houses , nice cars etc all give the impression of "face" but paying for them is a different thing altogether, and it might be that she's got herself in too deep and has perhaps come out with a story to cover. I'd be looking to find out if the business she has can sustain the lifestyle she leads, and if it does not, I'd be asking myself why. I'd be concerned about the level of dishonesty on both a relationship and business level. LGBT relationships are perfectly normal in Thailand, and accepted. Her reluctance to share the truth with you at first would again, encourage me to ask why. I'm sure you've been open and honest to her and she has a good idea of your financial situation and emotional investment, so it should have been reciprocated. I've found that Thai females also work very much on a basis of unless they are asked, they won't tell. Now, the past is the past and none of us are in any kind of position to judge others on what they have done, which is handy because I'd really be in the shit if that was the case. I think that past relationships / actions / "misdemeanors" are best left alone as they only lead to ill feeling and arguments when they resurface. Some of us prefer to hide our pasts, others are open. It's purely down to the individual and Thais are no different from any other culture in that respect. There's a difference between hiding our past by not talking, and lying about it to deceive on purpose - whether or not that deception is protecting her or even you. Thai women are manipulative, but judging by your writing I'd wager that you are not an idiot and can see where this is heading. Yes, she wants you to offer financial support, because they all want that. She doesn't want to lose face by asking because your reply might be "You've got 3 houses and drive a good car, why do you need my money" (which would be my response). So that leaves more questions than answers with regards to the situation, which in itself is a red flag. I'd be tempted to put down on a bit of paper or sheet of A4 all the "red flags", then see if there is a counter to them or a motivation on her part. See where there's balance and truth, look to where she's been 100% truthful and the areas in which she hasn't. If a woman told me she could cook and she couldn't, that's one thing. If she told me she was a virgin and she wasn't, that's a different thing altogether. Sorry if the above is a word salad, but again , please read my own caveat at the top. Brilliant post Butch. 2 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiEnergy Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 6 hours ago, HiEnergy said: · Hello Everybody, I'm new here on these forums and I am very curious to know about the dynamics of dating a Thai women. I know I know (be gentle please)...you'll probably say here comes another one! Anyway.. · I'm in my early fifties, one child and a marriage that's not been working for years now separated ..nothing dramatic! I've dated a few women here and there but nothing serious. While surfing I cam across some stuff about Thai women and I decided to get myself an account on a Thai dating App for kicks. I had never been to Thailand before but I've travelled extensively around the works and SE Asia and am pretty familiar with some of the cultures out there. So I get to chatting up with a few women and most of them are either hooker/bar girls or poorly educated women looking for a sponsor, Not to mention scammers. Not much of any kind of an intellectual connection there! A month into the app and I'm getting pretty bored I run into this lady who seemed pretty different from the rest. She seems educated, running her own business in Isan (She is originally from BKK), speaks basic English and is 41 years old and single..no children. A few days into our conversation (I'm doing most of the questioning) she tells me she was in toxic relationship with a Thai man that worked with her in a Bank prior to her starting her business) and he never cared for her, cheated her out of money was violent enough to put her in the hospital. Now she is depressed and taking Anti-depressants for the past 3 years. I urge her to get off the medication and try alternative stuff. To make it short at some stage we take a shine for each other (after 5 months of chatting) I decide to visit Thailand as I am going to Singapore on business. I get to Bkk and she flies down from Ubon to meet me. We stay together at a hotel and everything seems good. I learn (prior to my trip) that she owns 3 houses, which she has shown me over a Video chat, she also drive decent cars..so my general impression is that she is pretty well off as she claims. Her family has property in BKK too. 20 days go by and we've been travelling around the country to..Phuket, Ayutthia, Pattaya. In Bkk I am even taken to her friend office who is a senior bank manager. Even though I am doing most of the spending she sometimes chips in on her own when I dont have change..no demand for gifts or expensive restaurants. So everything checks right. At the back of my mind I'm always cautious. So I fly back to Europe and we are chatting everyday. Suddenly there is a problem as one of her customers is defaulting on a large payment and she's running out of capital. She make no demand from me. But I can see she is stressed and depressed and is trying to resolve issues with a lawyer (I've seen docs). On my part I am encouraging here and she continues to happily chat with me and I never even offered to send her any financial help either. A few weeks later she suddenly reveals to me (I presume without thinking) that it was not her Ex b/f she had a toxic relationship with but her ex business partner who is actually Butch (Woman). :))) ! And it gets better..I press her to send me pics of her partner and she shows me pics of them both with this butch resting her hand on he just like if they were a couple. I was pretty taken aback as to why she went on to spin such an elaborate story of her ex who is supposed to be a man she was in love with...she had even showed me a pic of a girl who supposedly was the one her ex left her for. Now the story remains the same but the characters change!! When I ask her for a explanation she suddenly brickwalls me says this was her past and she has nothing to explain as to why she did not tell the truth....just a vague comment that she was concerned I might not continue talking to her given my conservative views. But she insists she is not into women, and it was her partner who was in love with her and purely platonic, and the money she was cheated out was because of the other women her business partner was seeing. Also one a fit of fury this butch violently attacked her and she was in the hospital for a few weeks. I saw pics and doctors report - detailed stuff. Fascinating situation..just when you thought you saw it all! · · Next she says she is sorry for not telling me the truth but refuses to continue talking saying that she is convinced that from now things wont be the same so lets e friends. I take 2 days to think about as my alarm bells are going off! I decide to act as normal and pretend to go along with whatever explanation she has offered to get to the bottom of this drama. We continue chatting for a day as before and then I cut her off for a day. She writes to me a message asking what is wrong and I briefly reply I am dealing with a personal problem and will be back. I get back to her after 3 days...she responds, then I ask her to call me back and she does not...just a smiling emoji. I do not insist but next day I call her up and after a short chat she says she just want to be friends and she will let me know in the future if there will be anyone in her life blah blah! So here were my observations about here since we stared talking 5 months ago...she never asked me much about my past, except what I told her. It was always me doing most of the calling, rarely would she call (She maintained that she did not want to disturb me, even though I told her I would not be). After those 20 days in BKK, we never really talked about any future seriously but we had planned to meet in November, either I would fly her down or I would go to Bkk meet up. She never asked me to visit her in Ubon where she lives and I presumed that she probably wanted to make sure who I was before inviting me over etc. There is lots more to write and about small stuff that bothered me. · · I read a lot on forums about Thai women and how differently perceive things about Farrangs. Not to mention the countless complaints from Expats about how manipulative many of the Thai women were. · · What intrigues me here is this elaborate spin she has been giving me and I suspect its only half the truth. At any point she did not ask me for money for her problem....which to be honest I am sure she was having as there was lot of stuff and video I saw when talking to her... But a times I probably got this nagging feeling that she was probably expecting me to offer to help (I may be wrong...but I am always alert). So is a part of the culture to lie and spin such yarns? I was introduced to her sister and cousin over video on one occasion. Also I am sure she was always by herself as whenever I called she answered and was alone at home. My concern, after reading so much on Thai women, that I was ( not sure) possibly being set up for something?? Its clear she is educated and not lacking financially...how she dresses, spends, drives and talks. But the lying bit I cant figure out..and yes before I forget the famous silent treatment with no explanation..always it was me that contacted her. I lost no money, had a good time...my intentions were pretty genuine. Bit by nature I am very suspicious and have dated from several cultures so I am on my guard. But this one has me intrigued. It has several tell a tales of whatever others have experienced with some Thai women! So much lying and drama!! Yes and the Thais obsessing with social media and their phones...posting childish stuff of Tik Tok...social media...countless selfies!! Whats going on in Thailand? Its certainly different that many other Asian cultures I have experienced. Another thing I noticed that Thais dont seem to read a lot, I have not seen one bookshop in BKK and I did go around the city. I'm not looking for relationship advise, but there seems to be too much drama and loads of complaints about the women not being very truthful. With no disrespect to the Thai culture or people..but this bit really intrigues me. I did like the country though and will visit again! Would if anyone would care to seriously comment! 😉 What a great reply Butch, thank you for taking the time and exactly what I was thinking. I would however like to be fair to the lady and say that at no point did she ask me for money...even though I once subtly asked her if she needed help and she said she would manage. I know for a fact 2 of her recent customer are not paying her (She is in the construction industry). She is depressed as there is probably no capital to accept other projects. Had I known her longer and better I might have helped her, but its too early for something like this. She does own a few properties...small houses and has to decent cars so she's not poor or anything like that. My issue here is the elaborate lie and the ease with how she did...but then why even reveal this at such a late stage. I have to agree with you its a "Saving face" thing and probably instead of having to deal with confrontation or being caught with a lie.. she'll probably prefer to walk out of the "relationship" (If I can even call it that). Not that I am a saint either, but I know that if you have to lie..keep it simple as possible and at least make it believable. I see a lot of denial here and refusal to own up. I was not looking for a confession from here, I was more curious as to why she did what she did and I would deal with this issue in my mind. But no!! Again I dont know if I was being set up for something in the future..maybe yes maybe no! I know one thing for sure, I'm not going to bankroll the whole tribe! I went to that country with an open mind and well aware that I would encounter certain cultural differences. But I dont know if I should dare to insinuate that telling lies is a part of the culture...many say it is. It's my first experience and no damage done..neither emotionally or financially. 2 days ago when I called her back aft she refused to call me back..she wentt on to say that we should just remain friends and she'll let me know if there will be anyone in her life. I've heard that story umpteen times before. Two thing that really got my goat however was the sulking or silent treatment ..also an expression "I am up to you" whenever I called her. She'd reply instantly by text but never ever call me. Strange! Yes she's over 40 and its very different for here there as her clock is ticking. I'm curious to see what comes out of this in the future. For the moment my response is silence too, I wont have my intelligence insulted! If this is something common that men have to deal with I'd be extra careful! Of course exceptions are there and neither are things in our western culture perfect. Wonder if Thai men have deal with such stuff and if they do it must be tough one! Will I vist Thai again ...definitely...would I date another Thai woman ..sure..if shes educated and independent and we can communicate! Thanks for the reply again Butch, It's opening my eyes to the culture out there! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiEnergy Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 (edited) 4 hours ago, Zambo said: Sock puppetry in long-form. It's difficult to know where to start. "The butch violently attacked her and she was in hospital for a few weeks" really? A knife? Police? Assault? A few weeks is over a month right! "Thais don't read a lot", "not one bookshop in BKK". Got to admit on my visits to Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy the latest Graham Greene hasn't been the main topic of conversation. I'd be tempted to make the posts shorter and use flashbacks to add elaboration. I've reread several times and think i see the "problems" we could respond to: 1. Thais lie so much. In fact Thais do not lie more than others in SE Asia. 2. Thais follow social media too much. Worldwide and yes, too much Yes I agree I should have kept it shorter, but I prefer to write up more so as to give the whole perspective rather then answer questions if I was dating a bar girl and stuff....and she is not! Yes I saw medical report, pics etc, she showed them to me prior to changing the story...and this according to her happened 3 years ago! I know for a fact she suffers from depression, so not every situation was a lie. Well, Nana and Cowboi Soi do not represent all of BKK, and I did expect some intellectual stimulation from her with the limited English she spoke...but none. It was a lot about money how much her friends make, how much her ex director b/f made (10 Mil Baht yearly - I am skeptical)..this was as intellectual as it got. Thanks! Edited August 20 by HiEnergy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 no problem @HiEnergy - you're more than welcome. Don't worry about the length f your posts, it gives insight and also a broader picture of the issues you're facing. Regarding the lying, very often in my experience, a Thai will sooner lie than have a confrontational argument, especially one in which they are on the "wrong" side of. The irony of that is the better she knows you, the less those "cover up" lies will happen. It is a cultural thing, but it transcends more than one culture, I get it all the time with the Filipino's I deal with as well. 9/10 I acknowledge the lie but make it subtly known that I see the deceit, and 9/10 its relatively harmless and not worth the effort to argue over anyway. Both parties are then satisfied. She's been in business long enough to understand cashflow and debtor issues, she seems to have made a decent success of things so although that reduced cashflow or debt may exacerbate the issue, I'd be surprised if it was the sole problem. I might even go as far to suggest she's borrowed money from somewhere and can't pay it back. I'd also be careful not to over analyse the fact she lied so elaborately, there are factors in that she is embarrassed to admit she's struggling given the story she's already told about her success, especially when there's a potential relationship with you on the line - which would also have been possibly jepoardised had she said from the outset it was an LGBT relationship. There are definitely motives there for her to fabricate something. The fact it came out late is just one of those things, she may have forgotten part of the lie, which really was based on truth, albeit with different characters, so that in itself really doesn't change much, she just withheld certain facts that might compromise her situation but still gave a semblance of truth. Silence is a good defence in these cases, and texting is much easier because people are much less likely to "drop the ball" when replying , as opposed to verbal comms which very much puts one on the spot. That's why you, like every other member of this forum has experienced a "deaf and dumb" breakfast with a Thai girl. It means they're annoyed at you, annoyed at themselves, or annoyed at something you've done but they'd rather not talk about it because it's easier not to. That's also why she says "up to you" - avoidance of responsibility on her part, It's not a "spiteful" thing, it's a commonplace turn of phrase which can mean either she trusts your judgement, or doesn't want to be held responsible for your poor judgement. Call it an act of appeasement. you touch upon depression, again very interesting because mental health facilities in Thailand are few and far between, and a lot of mental health issues are labelled as depression when they may well be something else. It's perfectly reasonable to consider this as a factor in her behaviour as well. Everyone gets depressed, everyone deals with it in a different way. Stress and depression do go hand in hand and anti depressants merely mask the underlying factors without curing them. Also, I don't think for a moment you were being set up. Very often scams are much more elaborate and harder to see through and from the outset are designed to gauge how much you're worth and how easily you're willing to part with money or indeed look for a method of obtaining information to allow it to be taken from you. You're certainly switched on enough to be cautious of a scam, but being suspicious of all and sundry can work against you. Having spent time with her, it should have given you enough information by her mannerisms and general demeanor to see if she was genuine or not. Thai men tend not to have to put up with this because they don't have a language barrier and treat the women very differently to how we westerners treat them. Some see our kindness to Thai women as weakness. The bottom line remains very much the same. She has lied, probably will do again but to what degree is anyone's guess, I'd wager the fact she's been caught out will probably stop her to a point. Some people are good liars, some are not. She had a motive for doing so, and in doing so didn't harm you in any way, or cause any financial loss, just an element of emotional cost, but that works both ways. Expect to be lied to in Asia as a foreigner, and remember 9/10 if it's got some kind of emotional investment in it on her part, she's doing it to protect her investment and in the hope you don't ask or find out. If it's about finance, that's the time to start asking questions of her and yourself. again, sorry for the word salad. 3 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 I'd also suggest that a hardcore bargirl or GoGo girl will lie with such proficiency that it would be impossible for even the most experienced interrogator to tell, but they tend to keep their lies simple and financially based. In the early days of a relationship, integrity is seldom high on the agenda because of the unfamiliarity, more so when it comes to previous relationships. As we get more emotionally and even financially invested, sometimes one party really doesn't want a secret to come out and hides it with a lie. It's not cultural per se, it is just human nature. Another point I've noticed is that perhaps you're concentrating too much on the issues that don't actually matter or make a difference to the final outcome. It's fair to say you're not being set up for a scam, as she has had a chance to steal your ID, personal info and CC numbers by now if you've been together at hotels etc. These girls don't operate on the Professor Moriarty level of detail if they're trying to rip you off. By stop - starting comms you're not helping yourself and regarding the initiation of comms she's actually telling the truth , she genuinely doesn't want to disturb you and trust me when I say this that Thais , even educated ones, have zero concept of time zones. If she's said she just wants friendship then leave it at that and save yourself the emotional stress. Maybe look for a Thai or Filipino in your home Country instead, as long distance relationships can be bloody hard work when they start off with such trust issues as there are in this case. It's also going to be a fairly big stroke of luck to meet the right girl first time around, but don't let that put you off. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiEnergy Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 (edited) Butch, thanks for your take on this and you have made some points that I may not have considered. I just spent 20 days in here company the past few months were just on video chants and the conversations were not deep, just mundane stuff and jokes. I also forgot to point out that at a point after I confronted her she did (probably without much choice) apologize to me for not telling me about the LGBT relationship before, but held her ground that it was not a romantic relationship. She would not understand or listen to what I said, so I did even go to the length of writing her and email to explain that all I wanted to know is why this yarn and the rest would be up to me to deal with! And in all honesty, even though I might not approve of that lifestyle (No offense to anyone), It did not really bother me. What concerned me was her willingness to cut things off so easily all for something like this for it was going well. Perhaps I gave her a bit too much attention with the intention of trying to understand her culture and background. Another thing that bothered me was her lack of interest in my background, my past relationships, what I did for work. When you are trying to build a relationship or let me put it another way a friendship, you will be curious to know where the other is coming from. I found this a bit strange. But then again I may be just analyzing things a bit too much. Perhaps its the western culture where we question so much compared to other, I don't know. I am not smart but neither do I think I am a fool. I've dated outside my culture but this one was very different. For now I've just cut things off (At here suggestion) and I'll see how this turns. I wont be engaging with her is any way and if I will then she'll have to learn that there are some boundaries. I've never shown her any anger or negative emotion but I do speak my mind as that what resonates with me. You have a problem you discuss and sort them out. I guess its becoming a cultural lesson for me which is actually good so I know next time. I've had a Chinese-Malaysian girlfriend years before for two years and the communication was very good...no cultural clashes at all. I will admit that a limited vocabulary in English would have put my Thai friend at an disadvantage making it more difficult to make a point..I tried using very simple English and even toned down my accent to put her at ease! :))) Lets see if the drama continues (like a Thai soap opera) or it has ended! :))) So I take it you are in the Philippines? You come across as seasoned guy when it comes to these cultures! Cheers! Edited August 20 by HiEnergy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiEnergy Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 23 minutes ago, Butch said: I'd also suggest that a hardcore bargirl or GoGo girl will lie with such proficiency that it would be impossible for even the most experienced interrogator to tell, but they tend to keep their lies simple and financially based. In the early days of a relationship, integrity is seldom high on the agenda because of the unfamiliarity, more so when it comes to previous relationships. As we get more emotionally and even financially invested, sometimes one party really doesn't want a secret to come out and hides it with a lie. It's not cultural per se, it is just human nature. Another point I've noticed is that perhaps you're concentrating too much on the issues that don't actually matter or make a difference to the final outcome. It's fair to say you're not being set up for a scam, as she has had a chance to steal your ID, personal info and CC numbers by now if you've been together at hotels etc. These girls don't operate on the Professor Moriarty level of detail if they're trying to rip you off. By stop - starting comms you're not helping yourself and regarding the initiation of comms she's actually telling the truth , she genuinely doesn't want to disturb you and trust me when I say this that Thais , even educated ones, have zero concept of time zones. If she's said she just wants friendship then leave it at that and save yourself the emotional stress. Maybe look for a Thai or Filipino in your home Country instead, as long distance relationships can be bloody hard work when they start off with such trust issues as there are in this case. It's also going to be a fairly big stroke of luck to meet the right girl first time around, but don't let that put you off. Just read your other post. I was upset for a day but later I reasoned it out in my head. I'm not specifically looking to date a Thai or Philippino...I'm open to anything. As for trust issues from my side its not something I am not willing to deal with in my head. I probably put her in a spot she found difficult to wiggle out of. I am guessing her gripe was that I did not call her back and probably angered her even though she did not indicate any such emotion. She'll probably come around if she has to as I'm not going to dwell on this anyway! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pumpuynarak Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 (edited) 13 hours ago, Butch said: I'd be tempted to put down on a bit of paper or sheet of A4 all the "red flags", then see if there is a counter to them or a motivation on her part. Interesting Butch, i was taught at the beginning of my career in Financial Services to do just as you mention when confronted with a difficult situation, it was called doing a ''Duke of Wellington'', i can't remember why i'm an old git now lol List all the advantages (Pros) and then on the opposite side of the paper list all the disadvantages (Cons) its much easier to quickly make the correct decision with it written down in front of your eyes. Basic simple stuff guys but its easy to do and it works. NB - Apologies for the TF Edited August 21 by Pumpuynarak 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Be Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 21 hours ago, HiEnergy said: · Hello Everybody, I'm new here on these forums and I am very curious to know about the dynamics of dating a Thai women. I know I know (be gentle please)...you'll probably say here comes another one! Anyway.. · I'm in my early fifties, one child and a marriage that's not been working for years now separated ..nothing dramatic! I've dated a few women here and there but nothing serious. While surfing I cam across some stuff about Thai women and I decided to get myself an account on a Thai dating App for kicks. I had never been to Thailand before but I've travelled extensively around the works and SE Asia and am pretty familiar with some of the cultures out there. So I get to chatting up with a few women and most of them are either hooker/bar girls or poorly educated women looking for a sponsor, Not to mention scammers. Not much of any kind of an intellectual connection there! A month into the app and I'm getting pretty bored I run into this lady who seemed pretty different from the rest. She seems educated, running her own business in Isan (She is originally from BKK), speaks basic English and is 41 years old and single..no children. A few days into our conversation (I'm doing most of the questioning) she tells me she was in toxic relationship with a Thai man that worked with her in a Bank prior to her starting her business) and he never cared for her, cheated her out of money was violent enough to put her in the hospital. Now she is depressed and taking Anti-depressants for the past 3 years. I urge her to get off the medication and try alternative stuff. To make it short at some stage we take a shine for each other (after 5 months of chatting) I decide to visit Thailand as I am going to Singapore on business. I get to Bkk and she flies down from Ubon to meet me. We stay together at a hotel and everything seems good. I learn (prior to my trip) that she owns 3 houses, which she has shown me over a Video chat, she also drive decent cars..so my general impression is that she is pretty well off as she claims. Her family has property in BKK too. 20 days go by and we've been travelling around the country to..Phuket, Ayutthia, Pattaya. In Bkk I am even taken to her friend office who is a senior bank manager. Even though I am doing most of the spending she sometimes chips in on her own when I dont have change..no demand for gifts or expensive restaurants. So everything checks right. At the back of my mind I'm always cautious. So I fly back to Europe and we are chatting everyday. Suddenly there is a problem as one of her customers is defaulting on a large payment and she's running out of capital. She make no demand from me. But I can see she is stressed and depressed and is trying to resolve issues with a lawyer (I've seen docs). On my part I am encouraging here and she continues to happily chat with me and I never even offered to send her any financial help either. A few weeks later she suddenly reveals to me (I presume without thinking) that it was not her Ex b/f she had a toxic relationship with but her ex business partner who is actually Butch (Woman). :))) ! And it gets better..I press her to send me pics of her partner and she shows me pics of them both with this butch resting her hand on he just like if they were a couple. I was pretty taken aback as to why she went on to spin such an elaborate story of her ex who is supposed to be a man she was in love with...she had even showed me a pic of a girl who supposedly was the one her ex left her for. Now the story remains the same but the characters change!! When I ask her for a explanation she suddenly brickwalls me says this was her past and she has nothing to explain as to why she did not tell the truth....just a vague comment that she was concerned I might not continue talking to her given my conservative views. But she insists she is not into women, and it was her partner who was in love with her and purely platonic, and the money she was cheated out was because of the other women her business partner was seeing. Also one a fit of fury this butch violently attacked her and she was in the hospital for a few weeks. I saw pics and doctors report - detailed stuff. Fascinating situation..just when you thought you saw it all! · · Next she says she is sorry for not telling me the truth but refuses to continue talking saying that she is convinced that from now things wont be the same so lets e friends. I take 2 days to think about as my alarm bells are going off! I decide to act as normal and pretend to go along with whatever explanation she has offered to get to the bottom of this drama. We continue chatting for a day as before and then I cut her off for a day. She writes to me a message asking what is wrong and I briefly reply I am dealing with a personal problem and will be back. I get back to her after 3 days...she responds, then I ask her to call me back and she does not...just a smiling emoji. I do not insist but next day I call her up and after a short chat she says she just want to be friends and she will let me know in the future if there will be anyone in her life blah blah! So here were my observations about here since we stared talking 5 months ago...she never asked me much about my past, except what I told her. It was always me doing most of the calling, rarely would she call (She maintained that she did not want to disturb me, even though I told her I would not be). After those 20 days in BKK, we never really talked about any future seriously but we had planned to meet in November, either I would fly her down or I would go to Bkk meet up. She never asked me to visit her in Ubon where she lives and I presumed that she probably wanted to make sure who I was before inviting me over etc. There is lots more to write and about small stuff that bothered me. · · I read a lot on forums about Thai women and how differently perceive things about Farrangs. Not to mention the countless complaints from Expats about how manipulative many of the Thai women were. · · What intrigues me here is this elaborate spin she has been giving me and I suspect its only half the truth. At any point she did not ask me for money for her problem....which to be honest I am sure she was having as there was lot of stuff and video I saw when talking to her... But a times I probably got this nagging feeling that she was probably expecting me to offer to help (I may be wrong...but I am always alert). So is a part of the culture to lie and spin such yarns? I was introduced to her sister and cousin over video on one occasion. Also I am sure she was always by herself as whenever I called she answered and was alone at home. My concern, after reading so much on Thai women, that I was ( not sure) possibly being set up for something?? Its clear she is educated and not lacking financially...how she dresses, spends, drives and talks. But the lying bit I cant figure out..and yes before I forget the famous silent treatment with no explanation..always it was me that contacted her. I lost no money, had a good time...my intentions were pretty genuine. Bit by nature I am very suspicious and have dated from several cultures so I am on my guard. But this one has me intrigued. It has several tell a tales of whatever others have experienced with some Thai women! So much lying and drama!! Yes and the Thais obsessing with social media and their phones...posting childish stuff of Tik Tok...social media...countless selfies!! Whats going on in Thailand? Its certainly different that many other Asian cultures I have experienced. Another thing I noticed that Thais dont seem to read a lot, I have not seen one bookshop in BKK and I did go around the city. I'm not looking for relationship advise, but there seems to be too much drama and loads of complaints about the women not being very truthful. With no disrespect to the Thai culture or people..but this bit really intrigues me. I did like the country though and will visit again! Would if anyone would care to seriously comment! 😉 Sounds kinda normal, and yes there are book shops like in Paragon and a few other malls, they will go silent when its too hard, and for the bi/butch/lesbian thing one TGF from 10 years back offered up info on one of her early relationships with a Butch girl, 2 ys it went for she said, I asked was she Bi, she said no, asked why did she get with the butch, she said she was kind and well in her face all the time, how did it end? When the TGF went to university. Move on a few years, was seeing someone in BKK on and off on my visits and later when I moved here, educated, manager, was 37 when I met her, surprise surprise she had been butch, showed me her pics from several years earlier, yep she was butch alright almost unrecognisable, apparently an exGF scammed and broke her heart, think she decided to try guys from then on, she did lack experience but she was eager to learn, I kinda find it hard to believe she could just turn but it does happen... Every Thai woman blames the ex for having an other woman, its always the ex why it went south, so take that with a grain of salt, normally they are not talkative about there Finacial stuff, and yeah there not great talkers over dinner generally speaking unless other Thais are there. Dont give up, I always set my filters to min Bachlors Degree no kids ages 30-48 lives in BKK, no shortage ever, women in there 30's just seem to be more available best success rate was 36 to 39, though my early TGF was 40 who had the Bi/Butch gf, and most importantly they all had decent jobs, and yea if they pay for an ice cream or coffee there a keeper, if you where 30 and look like Brad Pitt back then they might pay for your dinner, sometimes. I learned a long time ago if I herd something that wasn't going to cut it with me id cut and run in an instant, that was back home and here, could be anywhere, having the big head on the shoulder doing all the thinking makes getting into trouble harder, why you wasted time with her when she started to tell you about her Finacial mess is beyond me my number one rule with Thais but its with anyone talk or bring up money they get blocked and deleted so dont go there. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiEnergy Posted August 21 Author Share Posted August 21 Hi 2Be, That bi/butch thing really caught me off guard and I wanted a short explanation (and not a confession) so I could get my head around it. The financial thing just I guess came up when she was very stressed about 2 customers not paying their dues and on top of that one of her workers ran away with some money. I could see she was genuinely stressed. At no point did she ask me for money though. I was trying to encourage here to hang on in there as (according to her) thing were not looking up. To be honest at some point I was even wondering if she would indirectly ask me for help..she did not. Our problem started with her lie and when I pressed for an explanation it went down from there. Perhaps I should have not have insisted as she was already stressed and could not take the pressure and played it ore cool. But I also have to do justice to myself as my alarm bells sound off when I am told a lie or the story changes especially this early into a relationship or what you might call it. Other than that things were okay. Its more of the cultural bit and how to social dynamics are in Thailand that interest me. Communication seems to be a hurdle there even if they speak a bit of English. Her English is a 4/10. Now coupled with the Thais avoiding a confrontation or being questioned and the save a face thing, one has to decide how to deal with this. I consider myself a pretty flexibil guy but I will set boundaries. What I was happy about was that she was an educated girl self sufficient and closer to my age. I will have to agree that the stuff you said about blaming an ex..yes that element was there coupled with the "switch" of characters. I am no one to judge someone's past or be some sort of a moral compass, for I have a pat too. But I do expect a certain amount of sincerity, all of us do I suppose. Conversations were there but not anything deep or intellectual. I did see a lot of social media posts of her and her friends, countless selfies that set me thinking that a lot of then were seeking some kind of validation, thats again purely my opinion! That story you mentioned about that person you knew was butch.. I can sort of draw a parallel ...well of some kind to what I was given to believe. Life indeed, just when you though you saw it all! Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemondropkid Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 23 hours ago, Zambo said: Sock puppetry in long-form. It's difficult to know where to start Quite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Be Posted August 23 Share Posted August 23 On 8/21/2024 at 7:03 PM, HiEnergy said: Hi 2Be, That bi/butch thing really caught me off guard and I wanted a short explanation (and not a confession) so I could get my head around it. The financial thing just I guess came up when she was very stressed about 2 customers not paying their dues and on top of that one of her workers ran away with some money. I could see she was genuinely stressed. At no point did she ask me for money though. I was trying to encourage here to hang on in there as (according to her) thing were not looking up. To be honest at some point I was even wondering if she would indirectly ask me for help..she did not. Our problem started with her lie and when I pressed for an explanation it went down from there. Perhaps I should have not have insisted as she was already stressed and could not take the pressure and played it ore cool. But I also have to do justice to myself as my alarm bells sound off when I am told a lie or the story changes especially this early into a relationship or what you might call it. Other than that things were okay. Its more of the cultural bit and how to social dynamics are in Thailand that interest me. Communication seems to be a hurdle there even if they speak a bit of English. Her English is a 4/10. Now coupled with the Thais avoiding a confrontation or being questioned and the save a face thing, one has to decide how to deal with this. I consider myself a pretty flexibil guy but I will set boundaries. What I was happy about was that she was an educated girl self sufficient and closer to my age. I will have to agree that the stuff you said about blaming an ex..yes that element was there coupled with the "switch" of characters. I am no one to judge someone's past or be some sort of a moral compass, for I have a pat too. But I do expect a certain amount of sincerity, all of us do I suppose. Conversations were there but not anything deep or intellectual. I did see a lot of social media posts of her and her friends, countless selfies that set me thinking that a lot of then were seeking some kind of validation, thats again purely my opinion! That story you mentioned about that person you knew was butch.. I can sort of draw a parallel ...well of some kind to what I was given to believe. Life indeed, just when you though you saw it all! Cheers Look they go quite when it gets hard, they don't want confrontation, they wont (im generalising here and its my experience dating here for 20ys) "talk about it" it magically gets sorted overnight over a week without words, will it happen again? depends on the woman, even there Buddhist and devout and go to temple and pay merit they really know little about the wave of life and its ups and downs, Thais are all about money, they maybe not as bad as the Chinese, example another Aussie condo owner here I got to know his TGF has started a little kitchen next to a 7/11 cause "he dont give her enough money", I did say there all about $$, anyway he's the kind that likes his woman home 24/7 so he pays, she mentioned to my partner she wanted/needed more cash so she could send home to layabout, words of my mate, son and parents anyway he got behind it set it up for her and off she goes, he got me to go have lunch there, ordered a takeaway for my partner who has a 5 days a week job, and I payed for two meals, a Thai in 98% of cases never gives you anything for free, its about the money, yet we the farang are expected to be generous, mind you we have doubled dated many times socially so we are well known to each other. Just last night I asked the TGF how much was left of the 20,000 I gave her to cover costs of something we are doing, 11,000 she told me, oh great I said, there are several more small expenses to come I believe but I should I thought get 8 or 9000 back, nope, mind you my woman is an accountant knows the value of a buck plainly said to me that I said to her not to be cheap over what im paying for in regards to this project, that she saved me another 20,000, original bill was for 40,000, so she's keeping the change, yep, that's what she said, a bit pissed and she knew it, this morning got up as if nothing happened and expected a good morning kiss and I walk her to her car to see her off to work...are you getting a picture? Thais in general dont pay admissions, seen this a few times over the years, most recently 2 car loads of us, TGF's sisters and with Thai husbands drove up from Pattaya to cant spell the city name north of bkk a heritage area, to some temple, it was meant to be famous, the only thing I think its famous for is the lucky dip a 1000 people were gathered around trying to win something, reminded me off my Catholic up bringing and what the nuns told me Jesus said about casting the merchants from the temple, this lucky dip thing was in very bad taste in my opinion, yet sisters got involved....then they wanted to drive to see some of the ruins, now I been twice before and told them there are fees to get in to see, we arrived, when they seen the 50B fee they turned around, yep drive 300 plus k trip to buy a lottery ticket and then go home. Anyway my point is in the early days of getting to know someone any talk of money problems etc should be hit on the head, as I said I wont go there I just get rid of them quick, but this hardly ever happened as I was firm within my criteria, most of my dates etc have been managers and I seem to have scored accountants a lot, when I met someone online my standard questions where, where in bkk do you live? as anymore than 30 min by cab Thais will struggle to meet and really do you want to be hanging out in a far out area with no transport? Job? again at the very least a BD and an office job,, many claim to have a degree and where working or doing some sort of food store, that office job was 100points if she worked 5 days which most higher up the food chain do, and 50points if 6 days, that 7th they get tired cleaning a 25sq m condo doing washing and in-between checking Thai Friendly and FB and can maybe meet you in the evening, working hours here are crazy 10 till 10, do you want to date a girl working in Central that has wed off only? or someone working in a market that's there 7 days a week? Kids, do they have any? (some forget to fill out there profiles completely) Seen what a terrible teenager can do to a realtionship first hand, not going there, Again if I heard what I didnt like I didnt bother, in the back of my mind has always been there are plenty of attractive single childless women with good careers here that suite me so I dont have to accept just anyone no matter how hot she looks. Sex in Thailand, we get it easy, well I think we do, might be something to do with there religion, as far as I know Buddhism doesn't really say to much about it, unlike Christianity and Islam where its "sacred". The girls are very into it, want it just as much, as for bi lesbian butch/tom etc, think they maybe be free in mind on this, respecting is king, sexual orientation and willingness to or the opportunity to experiment because of the lack of taboos might have something to do with it, I dont know just my thoughts. Most of the women ive been out with had decent enough English red flag if its very good, though one TGF had studied English in Australia and worked for a multi national hospital and used it daily, and believe it or not could be engaged in long and meaningful conversations (the only one) as long as you led other wise she would revert to blank stare and quietness, she was very good if you wound her up, and didnt look at her phone outside of business hours much, had a passion for fashion magazines, she use to stay with me when I came to BKK when visiting, I never got over watching her leave the hotel room, as she turned her back to me to walk away a kind of mystical change came over her going from a smiling cute honey into a walking ready to deal with the world robot. And while we are on the subject of work, few can think outside of a box here, 5 guys installing a stone top in my bathroom were stumped when they found the wall wasn't square I told them no way where they going to calk the 1cm gap to nothing, they just couldn't get there heads around what to do, after watching them for 10 min suggested the fix, all happy they left and did what I suggested next day. This sort of thing happens all the time, in stores the parrot says "no have" "cannot" even thrust the manufactures phamplet with said product your after on it will go away and come back and say no have...learned to not take any notice off sales staff just go straight to the manger when your ready to order. Getting to the tom as she called herself in AU we say butch, sexual orientation is respected here and no taboos, sometimes a traumatic experience can lead to a switch, maybe she was bi all the time and didnt know it, now I think she these days is bi, she sent me many picks when she travels and openly told me one of her friends is lesbian so you know my mind wanders, anyway when I got with current partner I cut contact with every Thai woman I knew, jealousy is practised widely here, dont give them any ammunition to use against you, no matter how harmless a contact is they will at some point abuse there boundaries and go through youre phone, once they detect something you wont ever live it down, I have line open on pc that the miss can see when she walks past, she's very sharp and misses nothing and from time to time im quizzed on who's this....As for sincerity, they are though they may leave things out, just about in all walks of life here your only ever given enough information to make it to the next step then if you ask told a little more till you reach the next step and on it goes, Thais in general dont say to much but just enough which is really infuriating when dealing with immigration in particular. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nickrock Posted August 23 Share Posted August 23 1 hour ago, 2Be said: Look they go quite when it gets hard, they don't want confrontation, they wont (im generalising here and its my experience dating here for 20ys) "talk about it" it magically gets sorted overnight over a week without words, will it happen again? depends on the woman, even there Buddhist and devout and go to temple and pay merit they really know little about the wave of life and its ups and downs, Thais are all about money, they maybe not as bad as the Chinese, example another Aussie condo owner here I got to know his TGF has started a little kitchen next to a 7/11 cause "he dont give her enough money", I did say there all about $$, anyway he's the kind that likes his woman home 24/7 so he pays, she mentioned to my partner she wanted/needed more cash so she could send home to layabout, words of my mate, son and parents anyway he got behind it set it up for her and off she goes, he got me to go have lunch there, ordered a takeaway for my partner who has a 5 days a week job, and I payed for two meals, a Thai in 98% of cases never gives you anything for free, its about the money, yet we the farang are expected to be generous, mind you we have doubled dated many times socially so we are well known to each other. Just last night I asked the TGF how much was left of the 20,000 I gave her to cover costs of something we are doing, 11,000 she told me, oh great I said, there are several more small expenses to come I believe but I should I thought get 8 or 9000 back, nope, mind you my woman is an accountant knows the value of a buck plainly said to me that I said to her not to be cheap over what im paying for in regards to this project, that she saved me another 20,000, original bill was for 40,000, so she's keeping the change, yep, that's what she said, a bit pissed and she knew it, this morning got up as if nothing happened and expected a good morning kiss and I walk her to her car to see her off to work...are you getting a picture? Thais in general dont pay admissions, seen this a few times over the years, most recently 2 car loads of us, TGF's sisters and with Thai husbands drove up from Pattaya to cant spell the city name north of bkk a heritage area, to some temple, it was meant to be famous, the only thing I think its famous for is the lucky dip a 1000 people were gathered around trying to win something, reminded me off my Catholic up bringing and what the nuns told me Jesus said about casting the merchants from the temple, this lucky dip thing was in very bad taste in my opinion, yet sisters got involved....then they wanted to drive to see some of the ruins, now I been twice before and told them there are fees to get in to see, we arrived, when they seen the 50B fee they turned around, yep drive 300 plus k trip to buy a lottery ticket and then go home. Anyway my point is in the early days of getting to know someone any talk of money problems etc should be hit on the head, as I said I wont go there I just get rid of them quick, but this hardly ever happened as I was firm within my criteria, most of my dates etc have been managers and I seem to have scored accountants a lot, when I met someone online my standard questions where, where in bkk do you live? as anymore than 30 min by cab Thais will struggle to meet and really do you want to be hanging out in a far out area with no transport? Job? again at the very least a BD and an office job,, many claim to have a degree and where working or doing some sort of food store, that office job was 100points if she worked 5 days which most higher up the food chain do, and 50points if 6 days, that 7th they get tired cleaning a 25sq m condo doing washing and in-between checking Thai Friendly and FB and can maybe meet you in the evening, working hours here are crazy 10 till 10, do you want to date a girl working in Central that has wed off only? or someone working in a market that's there 7 days a week? Kids, do they have any? (some forget to fill out there profiles completely) Seen what a terrible teenager can do to a realtionship first hand, not going there, Again if I heard what I didnt like I didnt bother, in the back of my mind has always been there are plenty of attractive single childless women with good careers here that suite me so I dont have to accept just anyone no matter how hot she looks. Sex in Thailand, we get it easy, well I think we do, might be something to do with there religion, as far as I know Buddhism doesn't really say to much about it, unlike Christianity and Islam where its "sacred". The girls are very into it, want it just as much, as for bi lesbian butch/tom etc, think they maybe be free in mind on this, respecting is king, sexual orientation and willingness to or the opportunity to experiment because of the lack of taboos might have something to do with it, I dont know just my thoughts. Most of the women ive been out with had decent enough English red flag if its very good, though one TGF had studied English in Australia and worked for a multi national hospital and used it daily, and believe it or not could be engaged in long and meaningful conversations (the only one) as long as you led other wise she would revert to blank stare and quietness, she was very good if you wound her up, and didnt look at her phone outside of business hours much, had a passion for fashion magazines, she use to stay with me when I came to BKK when visiting, I never got over watching her leave the hotel room, as she turned her back to me to walk away a kind of mystical change came over her going from a smiling cute honey into a walking ready to deal with the world robot. And while we are on the subject of work, few can think outside of a box here, 5 guys installing a stone top in my bathroom were stumped when they found the wall wasn't square I told them no way where they going to calk the 1cm gap to nothing, they just couldn't get there heads around what to do, after watching them for 10 min suggested the fix, all happy they left and did what I suggested next day. This sort of thing happens all the time, in stores the parrot says "no have" "cannot" even thrust the manufactures phamplet with said product your after on it will go away and come back and say no have...learned to not take any notice off sales staff just go straight to the manger when your ready to order. Getting to the tom as she called herself in AU we say butch, sexual orientation is respected here and no taboos, sometimes a traumatic experience can lead to a switch, maybe she was bi all the time and didnt know it, now I think she these days is bi, she sent me many picks when she travels and openly told me one of her friends is lesbian so you know my mind wanders, anyway when I got with current partner I cut contact with every Thai woman I knew, jealousy is practised widely here, dont give them any ammunition to use against you, no matter how harmless a contact is they will at some point abuse there boundaries and go through youre phone, once they detect something you wont ever live it down, I have line open on pc that the miss can see when she walks past, she's very sharp and misses nothing and from time to time im quizzed on who's this....As for sincerity, they are though they may leave things out, just about in all walks of life here your only ever given enough information to make it to the next step then if you ask told a little more till you reach the next step and on it goes, Thais in general dont say to much but just enough which is really infuriating when dealing with immigration in particular. That reminded me of a incident a couple of years ago got my ( now ex) Thai wife a very well paid job at a meat processing plant roll on 6 months I'm in the boning room dong maintenance and my ex is on one side of the vac pack and one of the operators ( one of several 100 asian women in there) " darling machine is kaput" ,I think nothing of it very hard to recognize a person they are all in white overalls white hat and face mask and sometimes a face shield My ex was right beside her f%%k did she kick off big time when we got home and not just that night but for months claiming I'm having a affair etc ,I can see it in her eyes( eyes are all you can see of a person in a meat processing room) later we separated and was till brought up It was that bad my Philippines mate transferred other woman in to another room ( she was also Philippines) 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiEnergy Posted August 23 Author Share Posted August 23 Hey 2Be, Interesting take here and I'm getting the same impression about many of the things you wrote here. The way it sound "all about the money" seems to be like this country has a high percentage of Golddiggers! I'm wondering if this mainly with the Farrangs or does it apply to Thai men too? My friend seems to be pretty educated and financially well off middle class. And that for me was important. Now I am no one to judge who prefers what type to date..its different strokes for different folks. But speaking from my perspective it's not exactly fun when you are dealing with barriers where you are limited by language (Basic), The cultural aspect of no confrontation or avoidance to save face. I am sure there are good women too...but with this cultural thing it just seems to be a tough task to find one. What good is a relationship if one cannot discuss their issues and have to deal with silence or avoidance?!! In a way things seem to be pretty shallow if all this is widespread. Yes Thai seems to be very sexually liberated and I agree with the Buddhist way you pointed out. In spite of such high tourism in Thai they seem to be a very closed society in many ways...its not only just smiles. Now looking back I do remember the money talk bit, stuff like how much others made and fabulous sums (I am skeptical) thrown around..all seems pivotal to their way of thinking, even though I was not asked for anything. If telling lies to save face or avoid confrontation is something ingrained in their culture then I guess Thai men are used to all this and probably have their own way of dealing with it within their own culture! Is silent treatment or pulling back by Thai women a very common trait? Because you then mentioned the jealousy bit that one has to be concerned about! It sounds very manipulative! Thanks for the perspective! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Be Posted August 24 Share Posted August 24 You raised a bit, the silent treatment is real, my partner once went for 3 days, kinda got over it, so one day after a weekend in BKK she got pissed about something minor and went on silent mode, by the time we got near home a few hours later I just tried finding a different way to my condo, she said im going the wrong way, this was my opening to "let it all out" now this silent treatment has been given to me at a number of times over the first 18 months, so I read her the 1949 Melbourne Australian Riot act in no uncertain terms making sure she understood with raised voice which is what you dont do but I was happy for her to walk, she must have been taken back, mind you this girl is use to giving orders and being important....her job, which at times she brings home, she's on call 24/7 even when we where in Europe she had to lug her laptop around for just in case, stunned....must have got the message, might even love me, since then "silence" lasts a few hrs at most. I dont suggest you do it as Thais dont take kindly to the way I said it and I was surprised with the impact its had. Money ....they are tight, buy a new place it never sees a can of paint again, generalising of course, they love to go to fancy places if your paying, travel to nice places etc, she does pay for the odd dinner, coffee, icecream, snack even bought me a pair of shoes, but you wouldn't expect that while dating, age has something to do with it, lets just say older you are the more you pay, if living with them you pay for pretty much everything, my miss has an expense account she was told to use so for a while will eat there when tired of it cooks at home then goes back to eating there, if you marry them and there working in a decent paying job they are likely to contribute but not before that wedding ring goes on the finger. They dont really tell lies, they just leave things out, when asked a hard question you wont get an answer, if you push and press like a mate of mine does to his Thai wife that's when you will get lies, they will always under those conditions tell you what you want to hear, they dont want confrontation, to bad 2 hrs later you find out it was BS, its all about the moment. What do you get with a Thai woman? they do stick if you treat them right, I have to say my partner would be the best ive ever had, my ex Italian wife was a treasure so to surpass her wouldn't be easy, there not all the same of course but you do need to know what your looking for, lot of guys just jump at the first girl they come across unfortunately they start in bars, the average Thai woman does not go to bars and pubs though the younger crowed have found night clubs, still Thai night clubs you would never know where they where while the ones you do are half full off freelancers and office workers moonlighting as freelancers, learn the culture first I did before looking here, once you find the right one you need to be able to keep them on a leash so to speak, they can run away with the fairys, have expectations etc, getting with you is an upgrade even if your 25 ys older, 2 previous TGF's one living with her Thai BF for 7ys, he saved for "there" house while she coughed up the bill for rent etc, one day he said good bye...he had the money she had nothing, the other moved the freeloader in to her apartment she was paying off, he never contributed to anything she said, 4 ys, was helping him get established in his private bus biz, she found out he got his hired help pregnant so that was the end of that, another one I was dating for a short time her ex had a mistress, the mistress phoned her up to let her know, heard this sort of thing a few times, challenges the chubby, said he didnt want to break up with her and didnt want to get rid of the mistress, yeah Thai men who have good jobs often have a bit on the side, go back to how they view sex here then expect both sexes are doing it, again what the women tell you is what they want you to hear, they take no responsibility for a break down of a relationship, but once you know the culture its not hard to navigate, the idea of "forever" anywhere in the world isn't real and once you know it you can deal with it here. You can easily pull very attractive well dressed and very well groomed university educated single childless women here 15 to 30 years younger than you, that's the attraction, you just got to get use to they dont know much about Trump and the war in Gaza, they will become very traditional as in the man keeps the woman sort of thing, if you can deal with that keep looking here. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted August 24 Share Posted August 24 On 8/20/2024 at 11:45 PM, Aqualung said: Brilliant post Butch. I agree with what Butch says here even though I didn't read the initial post (I thought it might be another A.I. round up). Butch's statement kind of reminds me of what we used to call "South Siders". Brand new Caddy in the driveway, always perfectly dressed. But nothing inside the house except a big t.v. and a couch. Same same. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted August 24 Share Posted August 24 3 hours ago, Glasseye said: I agree with what Butch says here even though I didn't read the initial post (I thought it might be another A.I. round up). Butch's statement kind of reminds me of what we used to call "South Siders". Brand new Caddy in the driveway, always perfectly dressed. But nothing inside the house except a big t.v. and a couch. Same same. See it in the Philippines as well ,and to an extent the UK. I work with guys who need an overtime shift every month to cover the car repayments. In the Philippines again, it's about what's on show rather than anything else. I taught my Mrs and my daughter to try to mingle and blend in as much as possible, everywhere so as not to be a target when in a Mall or in public, but trying to get them to lose that ingrained idea of "look at me - I'm wealthy" takes some doing. That's why I drive a beaten up old Fortuner with blacked out windows, not a second look from anyone. I was slightly intrigued that the OP could be processing an AI derived post, but after reading it a couple of times I decided it wasn't AI generated. Good point though mate. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted August 24 Share Posted August 24 6 hours ago, 2Be said: Great post @2Be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiEnergy Posted August 24 Author Share Posted August 24 12 hours ago, 2Be said: You raised a bit, the silent treatment is real, my partner once went for 3 days, kinda got over it, so one day after a weekend in BKK she got pissed about something minor and went on silent mode, by the time we got near home a few hours later I just tried finding a different way to my condo, she said im going the wrong way, this was my opening to "let it all out" now this silent treatment has been given to me at a number of times over the first 18 months, so I read her the 1949 Melbourne Australian Riot act in no uncertain terms making sure she understood with raised voice which is what you dont do but I was happy for her to walk, she must have been taken back, mind you this girl is use to giving orders and being important....her job, which at times she brings home, she's on call 24/7 even when we where in Europe she had to lug her laptop around for just in case, stunned....must have got the message, might even love me, since then "silence" lasts a few hrs at most. I dont suggest you do it as Thais dont take kindly to the way I said it and I was surprised with the impact its had. Money ....they are tight, buy a new place it never sees a can of paint again, generalising of course, they love to go to fancy places if your paying, travel to nice places etc, she does pay for the odd dinner, coffee, icecream, snack even bought me a pair of shoes, but you wouldn't expect that while dating, age has something to do with it, lets just say older you are the more you pay, if living with them you pay for pretty much everything, my miss has an expense account she was told to use so for a while will eat there when tired of it cooks at home then goes back to eating there, if you marry them and there working in a decent paying job they are likely to contribute but not before that wedding ring goes on the finger. They dont really tell lies, they just leave things out, when asked a hard question you wont get an answer, if you push and press like a mate of mine does to his Thai wife that's when you will get lies, they will always under those conditions tell you what you want to hear, they dont want confrontation, to bad 2 hrs later you find out it was BS, its all about the moment. What do you get with a Thai woman? they do stick if you treat them right, I have to say my partner would be the best ive ever had, my ex Italian wife was a treasure so to surpass her wouldn't be easy, there not all the same of course but you do need to know what your looking for, lot of guys just jump at the first girl they come across unfortunately they start in bars, the average Thai woman does not go to bars and pubs though the younger crowed have found night clubs, still Thai night clubs you would never know where they where while the ones you do are half full off freelancers and office workers moonlighting as freelancers, learn the culture first I did before looking here, once you find the right one you need to be able to keep them on a leash so to speak, they can run away with the fairys, have expectations etc, getting with you is an upgrade even if your 25 ys older, 2 previous TGF's one living with her Thai BF for 7ys, he saved for "there" house while she coughed up the bill for rent etc, one day he said good bye...he had the money she had nothing, the other moved the freeloader in to her apartment she was paying off, he never contributed to anything she said, 4 ys, was helping him get established in his private bus biz, she found out he got his hired help pregnant so that was the end of that, another one I was dating for a short time her ex had a mistress, the mistress phoned her up to let her know, heard this sort of thing a few times, challenges the chubby, said he didnt want to break up with her and didnt want to get rid of the mistress, yeah Thai men who have good jobs often have a bit on the side, go back to how they view sex here then expect both sexes are doing it, again what the women tell you is what they want you to hear, they take no responsibility for a break down of a relationship, but once you know the culture its not hard to navigate, the idea of "forever" anywhere in the world isn't real and once you know it you can deal with it here. You can easily pull very attractive well dressed and very well groomed university educated single childless women here 15 to 30 years younger than you, that's the attraction, you just got to get use to they dont know much about Trump and the war in Gaza, they will become very traditional as in the man keeps the woman sort of thing, if you can deal with that keep looking here. Very interesting. How do the dynamics work with their families? As I understand that in some cases its the daughter that looks after the parents. Is that the case with the middle and rich class too? Btw I gave the silent treatment back to my friend and for 3 days after she kinda upset me. Did not seem to take it very kindly. At one point she pretends someone is calling her then she sends me a text says she just wants to be friends...🙄🙂 At that moment I texted her back telling her if thats what she wants then so be it. Have not heard from her for a few days. She did it before when we were online though never in person. But I thought I'd giver her a taste of her own pill as I find it childish. But wasn't aware it was a cultural thing!😬🙂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted August 24 Share Posted August 24 3 hours ago, HiEnergy said: Very interesting. How do the dynamics work with their families? As I understand that in some cases its the daughter that looks after the parents. Is that the case with the middle and rich class too? Btw I gave the silent treatment back to my friend and for 3 days after she kinda upset me. Did not seem to take it very kindly. At one point she pretends someone is calling her then she sends me a text says she just wants to be friends...🙄🙂 At that moment I texted her back telling her if thats what she wants then so be it. Have not heard from her for a few days. She did it before when we were online though never in person. But I thought I'd giver her a taste of her own pill as I find it childish. But wasn't aware it was a cultural thing!😬🙂 The daughter (whether she has a cock or not) is often the head of the household. The mama thinks she is but usually just a care taker. The Papa is usually out back betting on roosters and drinking gut whiskey. The daughter is making the dosh and barking out orders (but she is usually on the road in some strange bed laying flat). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trip Posted August 24 Share Posted August 24 3 hours ago, HiEnergy said: Very interesting. How do the dynamics work with their families? As I understand that in some cases its the daughter that looks after the parents. Is that the case with the middle and rich class too? Btw I gave the silent treatment back to my friend and for 3 days after she kinda upset me. Did not seem to take it very kindly. At one point she pretends someone is calling her then she sends me a text says she just wants to be friends...🙄🙂 At that moment I texted her back telling her if thIt's pretty common in Thai rural areas for Thais to have ats what she wants then so be it. Have not heard from her for a few days. She did it before when we were online though never in person. But I thought I'd giver her a taste of her own pill as I find it childish. But wasn't aware it was a cultural thing!😬🙂 It's common in Thai rural areas for there to be many children in a family, much like the West when the economy was agrarian. Here in Udon Thani/Isaan you'll usually find that one of the daughters is designated care taker of the parents, and even other siblings when they get sick. The other kids are assigned to venture off and earn Baht which they send a tithe back to the family. You'll find plenty of cynics/jaded/whatever on all social media platforms that disparage Thai parents for sending their kids off to be sex workers. I'm sure that happens, but most of the time it's more related to the general culture in Isaan for the kids to support the parents as there is very little governmental safety net here. 2 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nickrock Posted August 25 Share Posted August 25 15 hours ago, Butch said: See it in the Philippines as well ,and to an extent the UK. I work with guys who need an overtime shift every month to cover the car repayments. In the Philippines again, it's about what's on show rather than anything else. I taught my Mrs and my daughter to try to mingle and blend in as much as possible, everywhere so as not to be a target when in a Mall or in public, but trying to get them to lose that ingrained idea of "look at me - I'm wealthy" takes some doing. That's why I drive a beaten up old Fortuner with blacked out windows, not a second look from anyone. My ex was like that " nick why you buy old car ( 15 year old low milage Toyota) we/you could buy a new one .could never grasp the concept of new car depreciation and what that cost every year was more than I paid for the Toyota Some years earlier I'm informed we/she is going to build a house up in darkest issan next to sisters shack "ok what's it going to cost 1/2 mill ,OK I will lend you half interest free pay it back when you can .year later it's 1.5 to2m and 2 floors (3 levels) and its what I call flash n trash looks stunning on outside best looking place in the area .in side it's a concrete shack no thought to convenience of living like what part of the place gets all the heat from the sun etc ,regardless of the fact she only wants it so she can stay in it for 1 month a year 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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