Butch Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 (edited) Our staff building is not noted for the delicate ambience, or fine Teakwood panelling taken from a 17th Century clipper adorning the walls, nor is it renown for its interesting and unique architecture. which is probably why we're now sharing it with a team of Chinese engineers who outnumber us 2-1. As a result, we are now sharing facilities and that includes the Toilets. We've been warned that their English is better than our Mandarin, and they use a mobile google translate device all the time for the more tricky stuff. Finding footprints on the seats is becoming tiresome, and busted seats as well. We've already added lubricant to the seats as silicon spray, but today some thoughtful gent decided to piss all over the seat and the floor in both "traps". Both traps are regularly blocked and we've found shit paper just thrown on the floor. We've bounced around some ideas, the most favourable one being that we interrupt the light feed, then, when "someone" is on the toilet, we turn the light off, go in and dump a load of shitty paper over the trap wall, chuck a bit of oil over the floor outside the trap, then leave the light off and RTB for debrief. We are aware this might get us fired though, so we've got a very friendly contractor who's agreed to be our hit man for a case of Stella. Any other suggestions gratefully received. Edited October 12 by Butch 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nickrock Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 Paint ball guns hooked up to state of the art motion sensors He has a motion he get lit up and painted 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted October 13 Share Posted October 13 12 hours ago, Butch said: Our staff building is not noted for the delicate ambience, or fine Teakwood panelling taken from a 17th Century clipper adorning the walls, nor is it renown for its interesting and unique architecture. which is probably why we're now sharing it with a team of Chinese engineers who outnumber us 2-1. As a result, we are now sharing facilities and that includes the Toilets. We've been warned that their English is better than our Mandarin, and they use a mobile google translate device all the time for the more tricky stuff. Finding footprints on the seats is becoming tiresome, and busted seats as well. We've already added lubricant to the seats as silicon spray, but today some thoughtful gent decided to piss all over the seat and the floor in both "traps". Both traps are regularly blocked and we've found shit paper just thrown on the floor. We've bounced around some ideas, the most favourable one being that we interrupt the light feed, then, when "someone" is on the toilet, we turn the light off, go in and dump a load of shitty paper over the trap wall, chuck a bit of oil over the floor outside the trap, then leave the light off and RTB for debrief. We are aware this might get us fired though, so we've got a very friendly contractor who's agreed to be our hit man for a case of Stella. Any other suggestions gratefully received. Oh my dear B*ddha.... that is truly a shitty problem mate. lol I have to give this one some serious thought. I will get back with you though. Have you checked in with @Nightcrawler regarding this yet ? I'm sure he is somewhat of an expert with these types of matters. 55555555555555 ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Dangleberries Posted October 13 Share Posted October 13 I see it as dirty western habits being improved on by your Asian superiors .. The Asian squat position is the best position to take a dump and a bum gun is the best way to clean your ass.. My solution?? - Remove the toilet lid and seat. - Remove the toilet roll - Install a bum gun - Install a hand rail either side for support Jobbie Done!! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted October 13 Author Share Posted October 13 1 hour ago, Derek Dangleberries said: I see it as dirty western habits being improved on by your Asian superiors .. The Asian squat position is the best position to take a dump and a bum gun is the best way to clean your ass.. My solution?? - Remove the toilet lid and seat. - Remove the toilet roll - Install a bum gun - Install a hand rail either side for support Jobbie Done!! Problem is Derek, I'm the only bloke on the team who knows how to use a bum gun, and I ain't going to show the others how it works lol!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forcebwithu Posted October 13 Share Posted October 13 1 hour ago, Derek Dangleberries said: I see it as dirty western habits being improved on by your Asian superiors .. The Asian squat position is the best position to take a dump and a bum gun is the best way to clean your ass.. My solution?? - Remove the toilet lid and seat. - Remove the toilet roll - Install a bum gun - Install a hand rail either side for support Jobbie Done!! I don't know how some the of Asian elderly manage the squat position. Quite a few aging expats, myself included now have a hard time standing from a squat position. 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek Dangleberries Posted October 13 Share Posted October 13 Just now, forcebwithu said: I don't know how some the of Asian elderly manage the squat position. Quite a few aging expats, myself included now have a hard time standing from a squat position. Yep.. me too !!! I think the Asian resting squat position starts at an early age so their hips are used to the movement .. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boydeste Posted October 13 Share Posted October 13 Can't you take pictures and raise the issue with your, or their senior management? That aside, you need to identify the guilty party, that means someone checking before and after each person visits. Time consuming I know, but the last thing you want to do is punish the wrong person if you do take action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted October 13 Share Posted October 13 47 minutes ago, Butch said: Problem is Derek, I'm the only bloke on the team who knows how to use a bum gun, and I ain't going to show the others how it works lol!! Hire a ladyboy. I'm sure she would be more than glad to give free demonstrations.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boydeste Posted October 17 Share Posted October 17 @Butch Any update? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted October 17 Author Share Posted October 17 40 minutes ago, boydeste said: @Butch Any update? Yes mate, We decided to keep Sino-UK relations in good order as they purchased all of us a massive Chinese meal on Tuesday, so at the moment all is forgiven. One of the sparkies did report it to a Manager who said if it keeps on happening then it is potentially a health hazard so action can be taken. The shitty paper is no longer littering the floor and the cleaners are in twice a day now, so our lot have done something at least. Operation "turd avalanche" is now currently on hold. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boydeste Posted October 17 Share Posted October 17 26 minutes ago, Butch said: Yes mate, We decided to keep Sino-UK relations in good order as they purchased all of us a massive Chinese meal on Tuesday, so at the moment all is forgiven. One of the sparkies did report it to a Manager who said if it keeps on happening then it is potentially a health hazard so action can be taken. The shitty paper is no longer littering the floor and the cleaners are in twice a day now, so our lot have done something at least. Operation "turd avalanche" is now currently on hold. That's good news and sounds fairly proactive. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted October 17 Author Share Posted October 17 3 hours ago, boydeste said: That's good news and sounds fairly proactive. The general consensus was to be sensible and not risk the potential outcome over what is basically a cultural issue. Although it was considered to be a worthwhile, justified and fair method of delivering the message, the escalation may have gotten out of hand. The news of 4 Chinese female Computer Analysts turning up next week has absolutely nothing to do with it, even though one or two members of the team have taken a sudden interest in basic Mandarin and are taking efforts to improve their personal hygiene no end. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boydeste Posted October 17 Share Posted October 17 2 hours ago, Butch said: The general consensus was to be sensible and not risk the potential outcome over what is basically a cultural issue. Although it was considered to be a worthwhile, justified and fair method of delivering the message, the escalation may have gotten out of hand. The news of 4 Chinese female Computer Analysts turning up next week has absolutely nothing to do with it, even though one or two members of the team have taken a sudden interest in basic Mandarin and are taking efforts to improve their personal hygiene no end. That sounds like a win win to me. Will they be using the same toilets? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted October 17 Author Share Posted October 17 45 minutes ago, boydeste said: That sounds like a win win to me. Will they be using the same toilets? Lol yes, they've got full access as we do and they're the only ones in the building. I think it was a cultural issue which maybe got lost in translation as stuff often does. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forcebwithu Posted October 17 Share Posted October 17 2 hours ago, Butch said: Lol yes, they've got full access as we do and they're the only ones in the building. I think it was a cultural issue which maybe got lost in translation as stuff often does. It's unusual to see this kind of behavior from what I would expect are highly educated, well traveled individuals. It's the kind of behavior I witnessed when I worked on a consulting project at a community college. In that instance the offenders were the students who apparently came to school straight off the farm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted October 18 Share Posted October 18 6 hours ago, Butch said: Lol yes, they've got full access as we do and they're the only ones in the building. I think it was a cultural issue which maybe got lost in translation as stuff often does. Damn.... what about for those who like it "dirty" ? Thanks for the update mate. Why isn't @Nightcrawlercommenting on this thread ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted October 18 Author Share Posted October 18 6 hours ago, Glasseye said: Damn.... what about for those who like it "dirty" ? Thanks for the update mate. Why isn't @Nightcrawlercommenting on this thread ? He's in funtown at the moment , probably busy doing what @Nightcrawler does when he's on holiday, which is visiting gay venues, performing at gloryhole functions and walking around semi naked in a pair of chaps with the backside cut out of them. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted October 18 Share Posted October 18 13 hours ago, Butch said: He's in funtown at the moment , probably busy doing what @Nightcrawler does when he's on holiday, which is visiting gay venues, performing at gloryhole functions and walking around semi naked in a pair of chaps with the backside cut out of them. lol. I thought you guys wore those German outfits. ☺️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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