Evil Penevil

A few more options for Christmas dinner: Chik n Coop is a value-for-money (500 baht) , all-you-can-eat option for anyone interested in a U.S.-style Christmas dinner. Evil

Good news for fans of tacos, burritos, quesadillas and other Mexico-inspired food! Taco Taco Tex-Mex has opened a new restaurant on Soi 9 off Pattaya Klang, not far from its former stall in the Buakhao Night Market on Soi Buakhao. 9 The menu has expanded considerably since the food-stall days. Prices have also risen, but that's understandable considering it's now an air-conditioned, enclosed sit-down eatery with about 20 seats. The young woman who owns Taco Taco is throughly familiar with Mexican and Tex-Mex cooking. Remember, they aren't the same thing. Tacos, the restaurant's menu mainstay, are basically street food in Mexico and her tacos are closer to the Mexican original in flavor and form than the U.S. fast-food taco. The pork and beef in her menu offerings are slow-cooked. In all the dishes I've tried. she's captured the big, bright flavors of Mexican and Tex Mex in the right proportions. The other night I tried the shrimp ceviche tostados at 260 baht. Small bowls of pineapple salsa and home-made hot sauce ( fiery hot!!!) accompanied the tostadas. Pieces of raw shrimp had been marinated in lime juice, mixed with pico de gallo (diced tomato, onion and chilies with cilantro) and placed on three toasted corn tortillas. Excellent! There was nothing Taco Bell-ish about those tostadas or the sauces. The pineapple salsa gave a sweet hint and a few drops of the hot sauce (enough for me!) added heat. The interior of Taco Taco is clean, functional and well-lit. As well as its food items, Taco Taco also offers hand-shaken margaritas (120 baht), beer and other beverages. I've tried the margarita and it's both delicious and strong. It was reassuring the walls weren't covered with sombreros, Mexican blankets, pinatas, burros or guitars. Instead of Frito-Bandito-style symbols, Taco Taco uses painted skulls as a table decoration as well as on its logo and exterior neon sign. Skulls have been a common motif in Mexican art since Aztec times. This has to be the most original restaurant bin I've seen in Thailand. As a nod to Tex side of its food, Taco Taco has begun with Taco Tuesdays, a U.S. innovation since the 1950s. It began as a promotion on a weekday that was slow for a Mexico-inspired restaurant in Texas. and now encompasses many restaurants across the U.S. that sell tacos. According to the owner, Taco Tuesdays have already become popular and Tuesday is the busiest day of the week for her. It gives customers the chance to sample a variety of tacos at a discounted price. The above graphic and the first pic in this post come from Taco Taco's Facebook page. You can see more photos of Taco Taco's food on its FB page. Taco Taco's hours of operation are; Monday, 5 p.m. to 10 p.m.; Tuesday- Saturday, 12 noon to 10 p.m.; closed Sunday. Below is a map that pinpoints its location for anyone not familiar with the area. Bottom line: Taco Taco is a great option for anyone who enjoys Mexico-inspired street food served on or in a tortilla. I'll be reporting again from Taco Tuesday. Evil

I went to Steak 9 Rai on Third Road last night at about 9.30 p.m. to have a steak. Unfortunately, the beef steak for 139 baht and the T-bone steak (300 g) for 229 baht were both finished. Considering the restaurant is open between 4 p.m. and 1.00 a.m., it seemed a bit early to run out of beef, but maybe they were busy earlier in the evening. There were six other diners when I arrived. Anyway, the waitress recommended I take the chicken steak for 85 baht. I wasn't thrilled but I went ahead with the chicken. This is what I got: a good-sized piece of chicken breast fillet; a handful of industrial crinkle-cut fries; a mound of salad, mostly lettuce; and a tiny bowl of stone-cold generic gravy from a packet. The fries were hard, dry and room temperature. They had obviously been sitting for awhile. The gravy was straight from the refrigerator. The salad was fresh, but had been covered with bottled Thousand Island dressing, much I dislike. The chicken was tender, but overcooked and totally lacked any sort of seasoning. even salt or pepper. The liquid on the plate in the photo below is from the Maggi sauce bottle in the condiment basket. I had doused the fillet to give it some taste. A bland grilled chicken fillet is good as a low-calorie source of lean protein, but not much of an eating experience. I finished the fillet and left the fries and most of the salad. The worst part of the meal was crossing Third Road. Even at that hour it was busy and I had to wait a long time for a break in the traffic both coming and going to Steak 9 Rai. Crossing Second Road is bad enough, but Third Road is a nightmare due to cars, motorcycles, trucks and buses zooming along at a higher rate of speed. Bottom line: Steak 9 Rai is regarded fondly by resident ex-pats for its inexpensive but good quality beef. I've also had good pork chops and fish fillets there and have written positive reviews of them. That said, last night's chicken steak was a disappointment. Once I summon sufficient courage to attempt to cross Third Road again, I will go back to Steak 9 Rai for the beef. But it's a bit of a Catch-22 situation for me. The best chance of getting a steak is between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m., but that's also when Third Road is busiest. Evil Trivia: In one of those unintentionally humorous transcription errors, Steak 9 Rai has become Steak 9 Rat in the blurb for free WiFi on the cover of the menu. And in case anyone is unfamiliar with the location, here's a map:

The Hideaway Guest House and Bar on Soi 15 between The Avenue and Soi Buakhao has recently added a Rib Shack. A sign at the front of the Hideaway says the hours are 6 p.m. to midnight, but a post by the owner elsewhere says the dinner menu is available from 5 p.m. to midnight. The Hideaway also serves breakfast and has snacks like onion rings and chicken nuggets available at other hours. As the name indicates, grilled spare ribs are the focal point of its menu, which features a limited number of dishes. That's an admirable approach I wish more Pattaya restaurants would follow. It's far better to concentrate on a few dishes consistently done well than a long list of mediocre offerings. It's a grill menu with a U.K. rather than U.S. touch, as you won't find Cumberland sausage at many BBQ places in Memphis or Kansas City. I wasn't in the mood for spare ribs the night I ate at the Hideaway and had the grilled chicken breast for 175 baht instead. It came with a choice of French fries or rice and I took rice. The chicken breast was moist, tender and had a good charcoal taste. It wasn't overwhelmed by the BBQ sauce. The small portion of salad consisted of fresh and crispy ingredients. I'm not a fan of raw onion on salad, so I pushed it aside. The condiment basket included a bottle of Heinz salad cream and I used it with an extra splash of malt vinegar rather than the thousand island dressing on the plate. The Hideaway is a clean and comfortable place to have a meal, a snack or a drink. Customers can play pool for free and there's a big-screen TV for sports. The service is very friendly. I had never been to the Hideaway before and the owner greeted me warmly, then came back and asked if everything was OK once my meal arrived. Two of the waitressed also asked me the same question. That sort of interaction with the customer is sadly lacking in many Pattaya restaurants. Bottom line: I'll be back to try the ribs and the Thai daily special. Evil

I haven't had much luck at the Chunky Monkey. I tried the 99-baht daily special yesterday- chicken rissoles with onion gravy and mashed potatoes- and it was as bland as, well, unseasoned chicken.   The only flavor came from the thick, glutenous package gravy to which a few bits of onion had been added. The chicken patty itself was totally lacking in any sort of seasoning and consequently, no taste either. On the plus side, the mash was good and the patty had been cooked properly. It wasn't dry inside, but it had an extremely smooth texture, though, which gave it a weird mouth feel. The rissoles would have been much helped by the addition of diced onion, garlic, carrot, green pepper, whatever, but most of all it needed herbs or spices. There are dozens of variations to Australian-style rissoles. There's no one right recipe, but there is a wrong way. I scraped off the icky gravy and gave the rissoles a few splashes of HP Sauce from the condiment basket. That improved them, but it didn't make them good. Bottom line: The Chunky Monkey now has two strikes against it in my book. In the near future, I'll try either the Sunday roast or the meatloaf dinner. A third strike will put it out for me as a dining option for quite awhile. That's unfortunate, as it has a convenient location and an enclosed air-conditioned dining area. It's well-lit, clean and spacious, with the background music played at a blessedly low volume and friendly service. Not many budget restaurants in Pattaya tick all those boxes. The prices for bottled beer are very low (55 baht for Leo and Chang, 65 baht for SML) and big bottles cost 79 baht. Perhaps that will be enough to attract customers who aren't concerned about bland food. However, the cocktail van across the street could give it a run for the money. 

Hemingways in Jomtien: The Hard Rock Hotel has two options: I've had both and both are good. The more expensive option at the Starz Diner was a huge buffet with a lot of appetizers and non-Christmas dishes as well as the traditional Christmas fare. There's plenty of stuff (sushi and other seafood, Asian hot dishes, Asian desserts) that appeals to Thais and other non-farangs. For me, I want to fill up on turkey, stuffing, gravy, hopefully cranberry sauce and Christmas pudding. I don't care about appetizers and sides, so the limited carvery in the Hard Rock Cafe is fine with me. However, if you have a Thai partner along, then Starz is better unless she's really into farang Christmas food. Evil

Second one:

A couple of quick updates: The 99-baht summer specials at Harry's have ended and the price of the pizza from across the street at Pizeria ZIP has gone up to 200 baht, The Chunky Monkey has raised the price of its Monkey Madness specials to 89 baht from 79 baht. It has also added inexpensive Sunday dinners (chicken, pork and beef): I have a feeling the pics that accompany the menu listing for the Sunday dinners are a bit optimistic. Otherwise, the prices of main menu items seem unchanged. Evil

First ad I've seen this year: Three sittings at Retox Game On: 12, 3 and 6 p.m. Evil

I wish I could have included the Chunky Monkey's 99-baht spaghetti bolognese special of the day in the "Under 300 Baht ... And Good!" thread, but it just didn't make the grade. What I got was tasteless sauteed ground beef dumped on top of a plate of spaghetti. There was no real sauce and no seasoning at all, Italian or otherwise. Some pieces of onion and garlic and maybe a spoonful of tomato puree had been added to the beef, but in such a small quantity and cooked for such a short time they didn't add any flavor. The watery liquid wasn't a sauce. Even the little dish of grated Parmesan cheese from a package was flavorless. If there were an Olympics of Blandness for restaurant food, this would be a gold medal winner. But as standard restaurant fare, it ranks no higher than mediocre. For 99 baht, I'm not expecting the best spaghetti in town, but it should at least have a proper sauce with an Italian flavor. The Chunky Monkey (on Soi Buakhao across from Tree Town) ... has been open about three weeks and has already established itself as one of the more popular eateries in the area. I certainly wish it well, but I hope the spaghetti bolognese will improve. I've only eaten there twice and so far the Chunky Monkey is batting 50-50 with me: one good meal, one mediocre. You can read about the good meal here (post #25). Bottom line: The mediocre spaghetti special won't deter me from returning to the Chunky Monkey. Evil

I hadn't eaten at Mama's Cafe at the Beach Road end of Soi 6 for a long time. I was down on the Six the other night for a bar crawl and decided to try it again. Most of my dining on Soi 6 hasn't been done in restaurants. I had tried the French version of shepherd's pie at Mama's in the past and went with it again. It cost 290 baht with a small side salad. It was good, but a different recipe than I recalled. This version was ground beef and onions topped with mashed potatoes and a layer of Gruyère cheese. I would have preferred the other version, which had excluded the cheese and featured mashed potatoes seasoned with nutmeg. No nutmeg this time round. Bottom line: If you want something more substantial than sushi on the Six, Mama's Cafe is a reasonable option for French and Italian food. Evil

Does anyone know who is behind Pattaya 24/7? I'm not looking for real-life names, just a handle or an association with a bar or other business. Evil Sent from my Sunny2 Plus using Tapatalk

I'm going to take a jump back in time and post a trip report on the Biergarten on Suk Soi 7 in Bangkok that I did in 2005 for a Bangkok board. The pic on the left shows what it looked like back in 2005 and the one on the right what it looks like today. I lifted both from the Net. The Bier Garten was renovated inside and out in 2008 and more work has been done since. It's no longer the sleazy place I described in the T/R, Think of the T/R as a frozen snapshot of bygone days. Tunnels of Purgatory - the Biergarten at Suk Soi 7 Freelancer beer bars have always seemed in-between places to me. There are better options in LOS for either serious drinking or girl hunting, but much worse ones as well. The bars themselves are usually ramshackle and offer only a minimal comfort. More attractive girls are often just a stone's throw away and the male customers tend to be a sullen if harmless lot. It's sort of a whoremonger's limbo, somewhere between P4P heaven and hell. Within this niche, the Biergarten at Soi 7 has achieved semi-legendary status. Its location in the heart of the Sukhumvit pink zone is a huge factor in its success, but the biggest attraction is the never-ebbing supply of girls willing to spread their legs at bargain rates. Nothing about them screams bar girl or hooker, but if they were to become any more accessible for P4P, they'd have to turn themselves into public parks. These girls look... well, normal. A few bear the scars of too many years in the flesh trade, but mostly they're the kind you see riding the BTS every morning or behind the counters of noodle shops and convenience stores. Some are attractive, others less so. On the whole, it's average ho's for average Joe's rather than mingers for mongers. The bar functions like a scaled-down P4P version of a Wal-Mart. It relies on self service and doesn't offer high-end products, but the everyday low prices can't be beat. There are no mamasans or bar fines and none of the blatant sexuality, pushy solicitation, loud music and rowdy drunkenness that mark a lot of go-go bars. Unlike massage parlors or brothels, a punter can spend as much time as he wants browsing the aisles before he decides to buy. When he does find a girl that strikes his fancy, he simply smiles or nods and she comes right over. After some conversation, they either leave together or he moves on to another girl. Many guys find that an appealing setup, from the Skid Row decor and cheap beer in bottles to the direct negotiations with willing girls. It's sort of like Baby Bear's porridge in the story of Goldilocks - not too hot, not too cold, but just right. Average mongers, average girls, average bar, great location. Put them together and what do you get? The Biergarten on Soi 7. It falls considerably short of the pinker pastures of BKK pussy paradise, but is nowhere near the dark caverns of P4P hell on Soi 3. The Biergarten runs right through pussy purgatory and a lot of punters seem content to explore its many tunnels. I once asked a star provider at an upscale Bangkok P4P establishment what she thought of the Biergarten. "Old man cheap Charlie place," she instantly answered. A harsh judgment and not entirely unfair, although it would have been more accurate to say, "Middle-aged man cheap Charlie place." You'll encounter some gray beards as well as downy-cheeked youngsters still in their teens, but most of the male clientele falls in the 35-to-50-year range. There's no doubt that for many of the guys who frequent the Biergarten, it's really about PP4P - penny pinching for play. The Biergarten could serve as the headquarters of the ICC (International Cheap Charlies, pronounced "ick"). These connoisseurs of cut-rate I'm Gay are determined not to let their Bangkok breaks break their banks. And there's nothing terribly wrong with that. It's their money to spend or not spend as they choose The cheapos themselves suffer most from their excessive attention to dead presidents and live Thai kings. Through their reluctance to part with few hundred baht extra, they miss much of the joy and excitement available in LOS and settle for pale versions of the real thing. I've heard that someone once tried to open the ultimate cheap Charlie joint in BKK- bring-your-own booze and inflatable love dolls instead of bar girls- but I dismiss that as an urban myth. For my own tastes, there's a bit too much of the "Bah! Humbug!" spirit at the Biergarten. Like Ebenezer Scrooge celebrating Christmas with a bowl of gruel, morose cheap Charlies sit hunched over their beers, worrying they've given a taxi driver or food vendor 20 baht too much. I don't know if visions of stunners ever dance through their heads, but they are determined no freelancer will get more than the absolute bottom rate. However, there's an enormous difference between what could be called thrifty Charlies - who don't want to pay too much yet thoroughly understand how the game is played - and the truly cheap Charlies, who somehow find pride in taking advantage of desperately poor girls. The extreme cheapos fancy themselves great bargainers, wise in the ways of P4P and the world, but they're not really liked or respected by the girls. They have about as much street cred on the lower Suk as Vanilla Ice does in the South Bronx. The Biergarten is not my favorite spot in Bangkok, nor is it one that I'd actively avoid. Usually I've gone there in the company of friends who like the place much more than I do. A visit from February is a case in point. It was my last full day of a seven-day business trip to LOS. By 1.30 p.m., I'd finished everything work-related and was on the way with a colleague to the lower Suk. I planned on stopping by the Eden Club but he preferred the less structured approach to P4P of the Biergarten. I agreed to have a beer with him before I took the short walk to Soi 7/1. At 2.00 p.m., maybe 20 punters and twice as many girls had already gathered on site. Only a few mongers were locked in conversation with girls. Most of the guys were sitting alone, just sipping their beers. A quick glance around didn't inspire me to abandon my plans to visit the Eden Club, but my friend was already motioning over a girl, apparently someone he knew. Her facial features were more Korean than Thai, with her hair cut in a punk-inspired style and dyed a reddish hue. She was thin - borderline anorexic - and dressed in drab clothes. I didn't consider her attractive. As she sat down next to my friend, she smiled with the sad eyes that usually signal a starfish. He introduced us but I've forgotten her name. She spoke English quite well, if with a heavy accent. He asked her the standard "How are you?" questions, then about her campaign to find a sponsor. She wanted 40,000 a month to become a one-man girl, but with takers in short supply, she'd consider a "time-share" arrangement under which two guys pay 20,000 baht each. He pressed her for details and she tried to explain how it would work. It began to sound more like a clip-card approach - pay for nine sessions in advance and get the tenth for free - than joint-custody P4P and seemed about as workable a notion as building a perpetual motion machine. My friend had obviously heard this before, found the subject amusing and wanted to entertain me with it. That struck me as poor P4P manners. However oddball her ideas, the girl didn't deserve to be humiliated in front of another farang for the price of a drink. The more she talked, the more I struggled to follow what she was saying, and it wasn't all because of language difficulties. I began wondering if some of her non sequiturs might be the result of a pill or two to take the jagged edge off the P4P grind. I tried to see if her pupils were dilated, but that's always hard to tell with Asian girls and I couldn't really decide. Anyway, the conversation was depressing me and I decided to split for the Eden Club. My friend asked me to return to the Biergarten after my session so we could have dinner together. I agreed, more to maintain a collegial relationship than out of any desire to spend more time with him. On the way to Soi 7/1, I attracted the attention of a tout for one of the Indian tailor shops. "Nice suit, boss. Where you get made?" he asked, but I just sighed at the Sikh on the Suk. As usual, the 90-minute session at Eden Club rocked my universe. I was so taken with the lead heroine of my dynamic duo, the fabled Gina, that I immediately booked a take-away session with her, beginning that night at 10.00 p.m. I worried my eyes might be bigger than my dick, but I was determined to maximize the sexual content of my remaining hours in LOS. Besides, I've had a weakness for girls named Gina since my high school days, when I met a lovely (and horny!) debutante from Richmond with that name. Throughout the years, I've fondly remembered her as VA Gina. Still basking in the afterglow of total satisfaction, I went back to the Biergarten to meet up with my friend and have a beer to restore vital body fluids. The place had filled up considerably since mid-afternoon. Almost all the seats at the bar as well as the side tables were occupied, with girls still outnumbering punters by two or three to one. I couldn't see my friend, so I went deeper into the bar in case he had changed position, as befits an experienced monger. It was sort of like walking down Commercial Avenue on Chicago's South Side back in the 1960's - you could hear six different languages spoken in half a block. Not surprisingly for a place named Biergarten, there was a heavy German presence and about equally many Brits and Aussies. There was also a sprinkling of non-German continental Europeans, from Italians to Finns, but very few North Americans. Both the girls and the punters held around 5 on the conventional 1-to-10 scale. If you plotted the looks of the bar's males and females on a graph, you'd end up with a classic bell-shaped curve. A few examples were at either extreme of the curve and most were bunched up right around the mid-point. I saw a couple of real cuties, but many more who wouldn't be winning any prizes for beauty unless in a contest arranged by a kennel club. A few were prime candidates for Miss Bangkok Bow-Wow 2005. Nevertheless, one of the pug uglies had drawn considerable advantage from her looks. Back in 2003, the BKK municipal government had offered a 100,000 baht reward for the best suggestion on how to make the city a more beautiful place to live. The Biergarten pug won it by promising to move to Pattaya. The opposite side of the Biergarten equation - the punters - were on the whole a nondescript group, although there were a few memorable exceptions. I thought I had spotted several U.S. celebrities, members of Howard Stern's Whack Pack, but not so. The Gary the Retard look-alike proved to be a member of an inbred Appalachian tourist group and Elephant Boy turned out to be speaking Norwegian. Some of other guys had definitely been hit with the ugly stick, maybe even the whole tree. I couldn't decide if one guy looked more like Homer Simpson or Yoda with clipped ears, it was pretty much a toss-up. There were also some eternally re-occurring beer bar types. A 90-pound weakling, the kind that always got sand kicked in his face at the beach in the old Charles Atlas advertisements, sat furiously scribbling in a notebook. He looked every inch a nerd - Coke bottle glasses, coat-hanger arms and legs, a Spiderman t-shirt, swimming trunks and flip-flops. I don't know if he was writing a letter to his mother or the program for a new video game, but he was oblivious to his surroundings. He could have just as easily been sitting in the Topeka Public Library and I wondered if he realized he wasn't in Kansas anymore. I imagined him clicking his heels together and saying, "There's no place like home! There's no place like home!" At one end of the bar was a bigger loser - much, much bigger. This guy was about 5'8'' and must have tipped the scales at a minimum of 350 lbs. If I'd been at a beachside joint in Phuket or Pattaya, I'd have been tempted to shout, "Free Willy!" He had bristles on his chin that would have done a wart hog proud and the tufts of hair on his head looked like something a cat coughs up. He wore a sweaty sleeveless top that was too short, allowing his hairy belly to billow over the waistband of his 4X bermudas like the filling out of a jelly donut. His butt cheeks smothered the barstool, with saddlebags of fat hanging from the edges. He seemed a hopeless gutter-ball case; a TV makeover show that took him on would end up titled Mission: Impossible. I doubted even the least attractive girls at the Biergarten would ascend that mountain of blubber without significant compensation for hazardous duty. Then an ingenious thought struck me. If he walked into the Grace Hotel, he'd be the most appealing male specimen there. In the land of the mega-hideous, the merely repulsive man is king. It reminded me of a great scene from Alice in Wonderland, in which the Duchess' baby turns into a pig and scampers off into the woods. Alice commented that while the baby would have become a dreadfully ugly child, it made a rather handsome pig. Of course, the Biergarten beluga couldn't really reign in P4P hell, despite his comparative good looks. The other guys at the Grace would skin him alive just to hear him scream, then sell the carcass to the Japanese as whale meat. I found a seat near the entrance and ordered a beer. The guy beside me was spooky looking to the max. He had eyes that never seemed to blink and a haircut just like Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He was dressed in jet black clothes, with a long-sleeved shirt buttoned to the collar. I don't believe in vampires, but I'm convinced BKK has its fair share of serial killer wannabes. I pictured this guy saying, "Good evening, Clarice," perhaps with a German accent. Even if he didn't go as far as Hannibal Lector, he could easily be the type to put parakeets and hamsters in a blender for a small-animal smoothie. The P4P ocean is full of weirdos who present dangers for any provider, inside or outside LOS, but the waters at the Biergarten appeared safer for trolling than most, despite a few off-putting types. The punters were almost exclusively Western farangs, so at least the girls wouldn't be contaminated by the toxic sands of beaches from the Middle East. A few yards away, a tall, handsome young fellow represented the opposite end of the Biergarten appearance curve. He had tanned, movie star features and a very athletic physique. One of the most appealing girls in the bar, a perfect spinner, was glued to his side. He'd done well for himself, considering the general pool of talent. But if I'd had that kid's looks and body, I'd be somewhere else, making a play for the likes of Paris Hilton, not squandering my youth on P4P at the Biergarten. Although the bar was full, the atmosphere was still very low-keyed. Not much noise, no blatant drunks. Some of the guys I'd noticed two hours earlier were still sitting in their original seats, silent and motionless. Maybe they were seeking enlightenment by meditating on their chit glasses and had passed into a trance. I began pondering if they were the P4P equivalent of the predatory fish and insects which remain still for hours, then suddenly lash out when suitable prey moves into range. I imagined one of these patient punters swinging round on his stool, grabbing a girl by the arm and asking breathlessly, "Will you take 500 baht short-time?" Inside my head, I saw myself doing something outrageous to rattle the guys. Maybe jumping on the bar and shouting through a bullhorn in the style of a 1960's campus protest, "Girls of Biergarten, unite! You have nothing to lose but your cheap Charlies." Or more in keeping with my personal style, yell that I was paying 5,000 baht S/T, just to see of any of the cheapos would faint. In fact, I did nothing but take a swig of beer. Whatever fascination Biergarten held for me was fast waning. I assumed my colleague had found a more entertaining way to spend the evening than dinner with me and I began to think about how I would wile away the hours until I met up with Gina from Eden Club again. A quick bite to eat, then... to shop or to rest? That was the question. I was leaning towards the shopping option when I noticed a girl who brought my focus back to P4P. She was in her early twenties and quite attractive, at least a 7, maybe an 8. Great facial features (for a facial), good figure, nicely dressed in jeans and top. Without much trouble I could imagine she was one of the often-mentioned-but-seldom-seen university student freelancers. She was standing with a few friends inside the entrance to the Biergarten. All were above average in looks and didn't appear in a hurry to enter into the beer bar bargaining zone. I winked and smiled at her and she smiled back, so I motioned her over. She spent a few moments discussing the invitation with her friends, and they all turned to look me over. Some giggling and grins in TG style, then my chosen cutie moved to join me. I realized I'd been caught up in the "kid in the candy store" syndrome. Like an eight-year old with birthday money burning in his pocket, I wanted to buy more sweeties than I needed or could handle. I'd just had a two-girl session that had left me pumped out and I planned to meet one of those girls again in a few hours, yet now I'm thinking about an in-between adventure. My spirit was willing, but my flesh would definitely be weak, if not limp. With a lot of effort and a tablet of Viagra, I might - and it was a big might - be able to do justice to the Biergarten babe, but that would leave me with about as much energy for the all-nighter with Gina as the winner of the Boston Marathon after he crosses the finishing line. I didn't want to rely too heavily on chemical sex-drive enhancers. Jerking off won't make you go blind, but excessive use of Viagra can, or so I'd heard. I figured the only way out of my predicament would be to go for some kind of exotic oral variation, such as a hot-tea BJ. Just thinking about it brought a little life back to Mr. Skippy, but he wasn't ready for straight-up BKK boom-boom. As the girl sidled up next to me, I asked her name. She had trouble understanding me and that dashed any illusions about her being a university student. After a few tries, she grasped what I was asking and told me her name was An. Pronounced in the first tone, An means harmony in standard (putunghua) Chinese; I had no idea if it had the same meaning in Thai. I then asked her if she wanted a drink and that was easier to get across, since I gestured to my beer and the bartender with the same sweep of my hand. She nodded and ordered and the bartender brought her some fruit concoction. I didn't want to dis Miss Harmony, but our conversation was going nowhere. How the hell could I negotiate a hot-tea BJ if she had problems comprehending "What's your name?" She kept looking back at her friends and giggling, which was intriguing and unsettling at the same time. She definitely seemed new to the game, even if she wasn't a university part-timer. A lot of guys prefer rookie nookie and that's understandable if you're out after a longer-term girlfriend experience, but didn't bode well for what I hoped to get. Out of curiosity and sheer momentum, I kept on going and asked her if she wanted to go back to my hotel with me. She asked "What hotel?" and I told her the Landmark. I know it's a major violation of Cheap Charlie bargaining strategy to reveal that you're staying in a four- or five-star hotel before you agree to the price, but I don't think many girls actually have a sliding scale based on the star rating of the punter's hotel. They're mostly concerned about the time it will take them to get to and from the hotel. It was then time to talk price. She had a hard time grasping "How much" When she did understanding, she had an even harder time saying it, but with the help of pen and paper, I learned her price was 1,500 baht for S/T and L/T wasn't an option- "No like," she said. I'd pretty well decided nothing exciting was going to transpire between Harmony and myself, but I wanted to find out if her repertoire included sucking as well as fucking. She did't understand "blow job" or "sa-moke" or "yum yum" and it would have been a bit much to start with sign language with half a dozen punters watching our interaction. I just let the matter drop. Silence for awhile as she sipped her drink, then she asked me if I wanted her to "go back Landmark." I shook my head "no." She looked peeved and if she'd possessed the vocabulary, she'd have probably asked me why. As it was, she shrugged and went back to her friends. I paid my tab and left. I had ventured very little and gained almost nothing, other than the knowledge that an attractive Biergarten FLer seemed confident she'd get 1,500 baht for S/T. The open-air restaurant on Soi 7 directly across from the Biergarten was doing a roaring trade and I figured I could do worse for dinner. A lot of punters were there with girls, but also a fair number of farang tourist couples and even a few Asian family groups. I stood waiting for awhile for a waiter or waitress to notice me, but none did. Just as I was about to leave, an older man - maybe the manager - said something in Thai and motioned for me to wait. I don't know what he said, but I assumed it was the equivalent of O.J. Simpson's last words to Nicole, "Your waiter will be with you soon." A waiter did indeed turn up and I had a tasty and cheap dinner. The raw oysters on the half-shell, Thai style, were especially good. After I finished my meal, I went back to the Biergarten one more time to see if my colleague had turned up. He hadn't, but the place was indeed crowded by then. There was considerable traffic both in and out, with heavy competition for the cuter girls as they returned in hopes of a second or even third S/T session.. Quick as a rat up a drain pipe, punters would approach the cuties as soon as they entered the bar. I didn't notice An, but I didn't stay more than a few minutes this time. My take-away with Gina turned out to be an exceptionally memorable experience. Smooth and sweet, she was like dipping into a beaker of warm honey, but that's a story for another thread. A few hours after we fell asleep, the night took a big swing for the worse, I awoke with stomach cramps that kept me doubled over on the way to the bathroom. I am no stranger to food poisoning and figured that was what had hit me, probably from the oysters. I'll spare everyone the details, but the 30 minutes that followed were among the least appealing of life. Projectile vomiting and diarrhea turned my digestive tract inside out. Once my system was empty, I thought it would recover quickly, just as I had done many times in the past. I didn't want to disturb Gina, so I lay down on the sofa in the sitting room (I had a suite). Chills gripped me and I began to shiver uncontrollably. Gina woke up at that point and the sight of me trembling like a leaf in a storm terrified her. She thought I was having convulsions. She immediately phoned down to front desk, screaming in both Thai and English. She then rushed to me and, in tears, berated herself for not noticing I'd been sick. I tried to convince her it wasn't that bad, but I wasn't sure I believed it myself. I couldn't stop shivering and my stomach felt like I'd swallowed razor blades. A couple of guys from hotel security quickly appeared in the room and they were spooked by the shivering as well. The senior guy wanted to call an ambulance, I guess he didn't fancy having a farang die on his watch. I absolutely refused that idea, but agreed a doctor should be summoned. I spent the 45 minutes until he arrived alternately sweating and shivering. Gina and the two security guys hovered over me the whole time, asking if I was OK every time I closed my eyes. The doctor was very good. He diagnosed me with acute food poisoning and severe dehydration. The shivering and sweating was a result of fever. In a five-star version of M*A*S*H, he strapped my hand to the TV remote for the intravenous antibiotics and hung the infusion bag from the bedside lamp. He left me with a half dozen different kinds of pills, including Valium to help me sleep. Feeling no pain, I dozed off around 6.00 a.m. I woke up around 4 p.m. and was in good enough shape to make my flight back to the States without too much discomfort. It took a few more days for me to recover entirely. I learned a couple of important lessons from the whole episode: 1) don't eat raw oysters in Bangkok; and 2) if you're going to get sick, make sure you're staying in a five-star hotel and are with a girl from the Eden Club. I'm sure an off-the-rack freelancer wouldn't have handled the situation nearly as well. And the Biergarten at Soi 7? In short, it's to P4P like Ronald Reagan was to American politics - not as good as his supporters hoped he'd be, not as bad as his detractors feared he'd be. My overall impression was reinforced by my experiences that day [and by the short visit Oct. 20]. It's not a bad place, but not a great one. If you have any expectations of pulling one of the nicer looking girls, then you have to pounce quickly or invest considerable time in waiting. If you're content with (or turned on by) a woman who's less attractive, you'll have plenty of choice. At the Biergarten, you'll forgo the sublimest pleasures of BKK pussy paradise as well as avoiding the horrors of P4P hell. I've never had a really satisfactory session that originated at the Biergarten, but that's what purgatory is all about - avoiding hell, hoping for heaven.

I do know him, but not well. Of course if he had been there that night I probably would have said something, but I have never seen him at Harry's and was unaware he had any ownership connection. Harry's had a lot of Swedish customers and I am sure one of them will say something. Evil Sent from my Sunny2 Plus using Tapatalk

I'm quite proud of myself after going down six trouser sizes in the past 12 months. I've dropped eight sizes and 70 pounds in total over the past 18 months. At my most recent check-up, the doctor said my weight is now at the upper end of the range that is considered normal for my height and age. I could go down another 10 or 15 pounds, but that would be largely for cosmetic reasons and not on medical grounds. He urged me to exercise more to replace fat with muscle, which should put me at the lower end of the normal range. No radical weight-loss regime was involved. I followed some simple rules and the pounds fell away. Millions, perhaps even billions, of words have been written in books, magazines and newspapers as well as on Websites about dieting and shedding excess weight. I can sum them all up in one six-word sentence: Burn more calories than you consume. Of course, that's a lot easier said than done for many of us. But by obeying the prime directive to eat less and exercise more, I was able to get rid of most of the fat I'd been lugging about. I'll give some pointers than helped me over the past year and a half. They aren't revolutionary and you can read similar pointers in just about any book or magazine article on weight loss. However, they are Pattaya-specific, i.e., losing weight while living as a retired farang in Pattaya. They may or may not work for others. And the standard disclaimer: if you have any serious medical conditions, you should definitely consult a doctor before attempting to lose weight. Also, if you are morbidly obese in the clinical sense of the term, then diet and exercise may not be enough. In fact, exercise could even be harmful. An invasive procedure like bariatric surgery (gastric band or gastric bypass) may be the only answer. If you want to reduce your weight, think a moment about how you gained the extra pounds. Have you been carrying them all your life or did you gradually increase from a normal weight over a period of 10 or 20 years? Or did you experience a sudden jump in weight in a couple of years? This is important, because a life-long weight problem or a sudden jump could indicate faulty metabolism, whereas a gradual weight gain is probably not more than too much food and too little exercise. My first step was taken during a trip to the U.S. I visited a doctor who specialized in weight loss and he gave me a battery of tests. He discovered I did have a problem with my metabolism, which helped explain the weight gain I'd had while living in Pattaya. My sluggish metabolism was rectified rather easily, but that still left me with close to 80 pounds I needed to drop. The doctor said I should limit my intake of calories to less than 2,000 a day while getting more exercise. He advised me to take vitamin and fiber supplements and to drink three liters of water a day. He also added the standard admonitions to avoid junk food, sweet stuff and beer. That's pretty standard advice you can read anywhere, but it's still the right way to go. The odd thing is I have always eaten a more healthy diet in Thailand than in the U.S. In the seven years I've been here full-time, I've eaten at fast-food restaurants maybe 10 times. I rarely have Western breakfasts and the baked sweets that tempted me in the U.S. - pies, cookies, dough nuts and the like- aren't readily available in Pattaya in a form I like. I've never been one for chocolate and other candies, nor ice cream. The calorie-rich deli sandwiches I loved in NYC are rare in Pattaya, too. If I have a soft drink, it's almost always Coke Zero. I eat more vegetables and fruit here than I did in the U.S. I eat far less beef and more chicken, fish and pork than before, but that's mainly because it's hard to get good beef in Thailand. A steak has been a once-a-moth treat for a long time now. The one "bad thing" I consumed more of in Thailand was beer. I drank between 30 and 40 bottles of San Miguel Light a week, which at 100 calories per bottle means 3,00 to 4,000 extra calories every seven days. Since 3,500 calories is equivalent to one pound of body fat, I could have picked up an extra 70 pounds in 18 months just from beer. I also wasn't getting much exercise in Pattaya beyond light walking and heavy f*cking. Given my metabolism also went wonky at some point, it's not surprising I'd packed on the pounds. My immediate change in lifestyle was to exercise more and cut way back on the beer. I also stopped eating bread and processed meats except on rare occasions. I figured I got enough carbs through rice and noodles. Otherwise I didn't make any huge changes to my diet. Since I was in poor physical condition, I started easy with the exercise. I swam and used an exercycle for the most part. I have a bad knee and it rules out jogging and even long walks. Once I'd lost about 30 pounds and had less burden on my knees, I started walking vigorously, but for short distances. Swimming and the exercycle were perfect forms of exercise as they don't put any pressure on the knees but burn a lot of calories. I hate, hate, hate lifting weights or working out in a gym other than the exercycle, but I am now doing more traditional gym workouts as my goal has shifted to building muscle. And that's basically how I lost 70 pounds in 18 months. I burned more calories than I consumed. A few practical tips: I can't emphasize enough the importance of drinking plenty of water. As the body burns fat, the metabolic process produces waste chemicals that need to be flushed out ASAP. You also need to keep yourself well hydrated if you're exercising in the heat and humidity of Pattaya. Dehydration is a big health risk, especially the older you are. An added benefit of drinking a lot of water is that it curbs your appetite. A glass or two of water before each meal reduces the amount space in your stomach for food. Soup is a great diet food. Not only does it help with hydration, it fills you up with less calories. Luckily Thai cuisine includes plenty of nutritious and healthy soups. Fruit is without doubt the best snack when dieting. Buy a bag of watermelon chunks instead of a bag of potato chips or French fries. If your cholesterol levels allow it, a hard-boiled egg is a protein-rich snack. I'm lucky in that I've always had low levels of bad cholesterol and high levels of the good, so I kept a few hard-boiled eggs in my fridge to quell any sudden hunger pangs. If you're not doing physical labor during the day, you don't need a big breakfast. Fruit and yogurt are a good start for people who don't usually do anything more strenuous than sit at a computer. Try to get at least 25% of your daily intake of calories from lean protein like chicken or fish. Salmon, while expensive, is a top diet food. Beef and pork are also good if the fat is trimmed away and they aren't fried. You don't have to shun fried foods entirely, but keep them to a minimum, maybe as a once-a-week treat. Exercise can cause some unwanted side effects, at least in the beginning. Muscles that are forced to work harder or in a different way than usual can get stiff and sore. This is temporary and actually a sign exercise is having a long-term positive effect. As long as you don't overdue things and cause yourself a injury, an over-the-counter pain reliever should be enough to take care of any discomfort. Even if you exercise at a measured pace, you may experience muscle cramps which are a lot more of a hassle than muscle pain. Cramps are also a natural consequence of weight loss. As fat melts away between and around muscles, the muscle tissue has to adjust to its bigger "living space" and this can cause cramps in the legs, abdomen and arms. I'm not going to go into too much detail here, but a Google search for "muscle cramps exercise" will turn up a lot of information about how to deal with them. I didn't become a teetotaler while dieting, but cut back significantly on my alcohol consumption, from 30-40 bottles of beer a week to five at the max. There were several stretches when I didn't drink beer or anything else alcoholic for a month or so. In a sense, I was lucky because I have an allergy to wine, so I never drank it. I gave up on strong spirits about 20 years ago because they irritated my stomach too much. I was- and remain- a big fan of beer. I think it's one of the most refreshing beverages there is in hot weather. But to reduce my intake of calories, I stopped drinking beer with most meals and saved my "beer allowance" for nights out in bars. That basically meant drinking much more slowly than had been my custom and switching to Coke Zero or water when I had polished off five bottles. That was perhaps the most difficult part of the whole weight-loss campaign. It wasn't a physical craving for alcohol, but bars just aren't that much fun if you're not a little tipsy. Evil

I've been living in Pattaya as a retiree since late October, 2011. I've really enjoyed myself and seven years seem to have gone by in a flash. I've had very few bad moments in the past 2,555 days and I look forward to at least another seven years here. I feel that too much that's written about Thailand in general and Pattaya in particular in blogs and social media is unduly negative. I want to emphasize the positive aspects while not ignoring the downside. A more appropriate title would be "Glass Three-Quarters Full," but that's not very catchy. Like Billy Pilgrim in Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five, I will have become "unstuck in time." I may write about the past, present or future; sometimes about today, sometimes 20 or more years ago and yet other times about what the future may hold. It will be an eclectic blog covering any subject I feel may be of interest to others. I'll update it as often as I can, but I doubt it will be on a daily basis. I'll begin by wishing everyone Halloween is one of my favorite holidays and I look forward to taking full advantage of it in the various parties all over Pattaya tomorrow night. I plan to kick things off with both an earlier start and early climax at Sexy in the City on Soi 6. AJ (aka Xylanic) hosts one of the best Halloween parties in town. And I'm optimistic that the horde of zombies I encounter later on Walking Street will be friendly, at least no worse than usual. My first substantial post in this blog will cover a topic that at least some of us have to deal with: losing weight in Pattaya. Over and out until the next installment. Evil

One problem is that Thai cooks who prepare Western food seldom know how a Western dish should taste because they don't like and never eat Western cooking. I can only imagine what pad thai would taste like if it were prepared by a Swedish cook who had never been to Thailand or had Thai food before and used a computer program to translate the recipe from Thai to Swedish. In any case, here's a recipe for classic Swedish pizza salad from a Web site. There are many variations and as I recall, strips of carrot are usually included.

I went to Harry's on Soi Diana to see if the 99-baht hamburger with fries was still on offer and to have another of Harry's Swedish dishes. The hamburger special was available, but a waitress urged me to try the 150-baht pizza special. I was surprised because I didn't recall Harry's having pizza on the menu. But then I noticed the pizza didn't come from Harry's but from Pizeria in the ZIP Lounge and Apartments across the street. I abandoned my plans for pyttipanna or biff à la Rydberg and went with the pizza. I ordered what was called capriccosa (sic) on the card. It lacked two of the toppings that go on a classic pizza capricciosa, but I don't imagine you can put artichoke hearts and anchovies on a 150-baht pizza in Thailand and still make money. The tomato sauce, cheese, mushrooms and ham were fine by me, though. I'm not a fan of artichoke hearts on pizza and wouldn't have ordered it if it had been a classic capricciosa. It was amusing to see the waitress, in the era of cell phones and the Internet, go to the top step of Harry's and yell "pizza!" across the street. I don't know what sort of arrangement Harry's has with Pizeria, but there's a Swedish angle. I lived in Stockholm a number of years while married to a Swedish woman and still remember some of variations available in pizzerias there. One of Pizeria's offerings was called "Svenne's special" and it was topped with pork tenderloin and Bearnaise sauce, definitely a Swedish touch. "Kebabpizza" is also a Swedish invention. It's not on the same level as durian pizza- yes, you can get that in Pattaya- but bizarre enough to have Raffaele Esposito spinning in his grave. I got more evidence of a Swedish connection when my pseudo-capricciosa arrived. It was accompanied by a small bowl of what's called pizza salad in Sweden. It was introduced by the Italian chef and restaurateur who opened Sweden's first pizzeria in 1969. He apparently based it on a Croatian cabbage salad. Chopped cabbage is marinated in vinegar and seasoned with oregano and sometimes caraway. It usually contains bits of red pepper and carrot as well. Unfortunately, the bowl of salad I got was inedible: way too much vinegar and what tasted more like cumin than caraway. It resembled pizza salad, but tasted nothing like I remembered it in Stockholm. The pizza itself was good; not great in my estimation, but good enough for 150 baht. It was a bit sparse with cheese, but had plenty of mushrooms and ham. The sauce was OK. The thin crust was good with just the right bottom char and still soft inside. Bottom line: I don't regard pizza as a dinner dish and almost never have it as such. I consider it a party food or snack, especially a late-night snack when out drinking. The pizza I had at Harry's would be fine along those lines. I have to rate it as good, with the horrible side salad an irrelevancy. Evil

Do you mean a T-shirt for the Pattaya 24/7 Facebook group or just one that says Pattaya 24/7? Evil

Mutton tikka, jeera rice and parantha naan. Evil

The price of the breakfast-lunch buffet at Casa Pascal on 2nd Road near The Avenue has gone up. It is now 245 baht plus 7% VAT, so 262 baht total. The review below is from 15 months ago, but not much has changed since then except the price. It's still one of the best bargains around. Here's the menu from the Website) at Casa Pascal: Breads Fresh baked Croissants, Toast Twist Bread,, Whole Grain Bread, Sour Dough Bread, Half White Farmers Bread, Dark Rusticco Bread. White French Batard, Swiss Bürli Bread . White Crusty Bread Terrace BBQ Grill Eggs and Omelets, 2 different kinds of Bacon Ham and Sausages, Chicken Breast Pork Steaks Waffles and Pancakes Hot dishes 1 kind of Asian Soup; 1 kind of Western Soup; 3 Asian Specialties; 6 Western Dishes (pasta, hash brown, baked beans, meats, veggies, etc.) NOTE: You can have spätzle real Swiss rösti). Cold dishes Pork Loin Roast Different kinds of Cold Cuts Smoked Kipper Herring Pickled Fish Cheese Müesli & Cereals Yoghurt & Fruits Salad bar 6 different Salads Variety of Dressings Russian eggs Drinks Juices Cola, Sprite, Fanta, Soda, Filter Coffee and Tea; Cappuccino, Espresso, Mocha, Hot Chocolate Condiments Homemade Apricot Jam Homemade Berries Jam Orange Marmalade Honey Maple Syrup Butter Desserts Choice of Desserts NOTE: The desserts are tiny, but really good! My review: Casa Pascal offers the best breakfast buffet in its price class in central Pattaya. It is located just off 2nd Road near The Avenue and across from Royal Garden Plaza. Eggs and breakfast meats are cooked to order at an outdoor grill and fry station. The choices include steaky and back bacon; marinated chicken; ham; sausage and marinated pork. Inside, there's an outstanding selection of freshly baked breads ... along with cold cuts; a small salad bar fruits; pickled and smoked herring; cheese; Asian and Western hot dishes (soups, pasta, stir-fry, potatoes); ... cereals; yogurt; fruits; desserts; and the customary condiments. It includes as much coffee, tea, juice and soft drinks as you can knock back. It's actually a combined breakfast and lunch buffet. The friendly staff keeps the chafing dishes well filled between 8.00 a.m. and 2 p.m., which are convenient hours for those who wake up when their cocks grow, not when the cock crows. There's also free WiFi with a strong signal, although it is a bit of a hassle to log in. You can find bigger breakfast buffets in central Pattaya, but you'd be hard pressed to find a better one under 250 baht. That said, we have to keep things realistic. Should you want a full English fry up, you're better off heading to Retox, IRovers or another English pub/restaurant as some of the components of a full English are missing from Casa Pascal's buffet. But if you can accept a breakfast without black pudding, tinned tomatoes and fried mushrooms, CP is a great choice. The absolutely best breakfast buffets in Pattaya, in terms of variety and quality, are in the big hotels like the Hilton, Sheraton, Royal Cliff and Dusit. However, they cost three to five times as much as Casa Pascal, which can't be beat regarding value for money.

Yes, I spoke with him many times in Secrets. A genuinely nice guy. RIP. Evil Sent from my Sunny2 Plus using Tapatalk

For those who enjoy breakfast burritos, Smokin Joe's on Soi Lengkee has a decent one:  The breakfast burrito is a Tex-Mex innovation that dates back only to the 1970's, but quickly became popular and was included on the menus of several fast food chains. Now it's widely available as a breakfast item in all sorts of U.S. restaurants, not just those with a Mexican connection. Breakfast burritos come in many variations and the one at Smokin Joe's consists of a 12-inch lightly browned wheat flour tortilla filled with scrambled eggs, cheddar cheese and bits of sausage and smoked bacon. Condiments from ketchup through Tabasco are available for those who want additional flavor. It's very tasty, mainly because good quality sausage and bacon are used. The price was 175 baht and includes a cup of coffee or tea. I know a much bigger breakfast is available close by for 99 baht and that 99-baht or lower breakfast specials abound in Pattaya. However, that doesn't help anyone who want a breakfast burrito rather than an English fry-up or American breakfast. Retox Game On (2nd Road and Soi Honey) also has a breakfast burrito for 175 baht. I haven't tried it yet, but will. It comes with baked beans as one of the ingredients and I'll ask for them to skip that in my order. I have tried the breakfast burrito at the Golf Club on LK Metro for 80 baht (or is it 100 baht?). It was good, but very different from the Smokin Joe's version. At the GC, the breakfast burrito contained scrambled eggs, cheese, salsa and refried beans in a flour tortilla. It had more of a spicy Tex Mex flavor. It was wetter and messier than at Smokin Joe's and had to be eaten with a knife and fork. Some foods don't photograph well and this is one of them, so I'll skip the pic. Those were some suggestions for breakfast burritos in Pattaya. Are there any others? Evil

This is a good topic and of interest to quite a few members. In my experience, the restaurants won't start advertising Xmas dinner for at least a month or even six weeks. Five or 10 years ago, the most popular places were booked solid by the first or second week of December. Last year, most restaurants had seats open Xmas Eve and Day. You could walk in without a reservation. It's one more bit of anecdotal evidence that there aren't as many farang in Pattaya as before Evil Sent from my Sunny2 Plus using Tapatalk

I haven't seen the ladyboy who used to run it for awhile and read that the stall had changed ownership. But the spaghetti is still as good as ever. Evil