Sigi

A lady dies and goes to heaven. She arrives at the pearly gates and is greeted by Saint Peter. There are a few people waiting, so she strikes up a conversation with him. Just then, she hears a blood curdling scream! "What was that?" she asks. "Oh, don't worry about that," says Saint Peter, "It's just someone getting a hole drilled in their head so they can be fitted for their halo. A few seconds later, she hears another agonized scream, this one even more terrible than the one before. "What was that?!" she asked anxiously. "Oh, don't worry;" says Saint Peter soothingly, "It's just someone getting holes drilled in their back so they can be fitted for their wings." The lady starts to back away. "Where are you going?" asks Saint Peter. "I think I'll go downstairs, if it's all the same to you," says the lady. "But you can't go there," says the saint, "You'll be raped and sodomized!" "That's OK," says the lady, "I've already got the ***ing holes for that."

A modern Islamic couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets with their Mullah for counselling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, We realize it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together. Absolutely not, says the Mullah. It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately. So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife? No, answered the Mullah, It's forbidden in Islam. Well, okay, says the man, What about sex? Can we finally have sex? Of course! replies the Mullah, Sex is OK within marriage, to have children! What about different positions? asks the man. No problem, says the Mullah. Woman on top? the man asks. Sure, says the Mullah. Go for it! Doggy style? Sure! On the kitchen table? Yes, yes! Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video? You may indeed! Can we do it standing up? No, says the Mullah. Why not? asks the man. Because that could lead to dancing.

Thomas Krüger – Flashmob Piano Medley at French Airport Paris-Orly (Amazing spontaneous Piano Medley at French Airport Paris-Orly! What a CRAZY Flashmob moment starting my holiday in Paris there with my mother who is filming it only with a smartphone.) The Rock and Roll Piano Police

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness as he suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For £100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Porsche I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your football season ticket. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for your African tour and even the 4 x 4. HE paid for our country club membership, and he even pays my Credit Card bill!' Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do? The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a <deleted> cold.’

While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice." The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!" "Oh, Thank you!" the man replies. "Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"

Pulling Strings Mariachi Flashmob! Burbank,California Flashmob de Mariachi en España

A man goes to confession after a long absence. He sits in the booth, looks around & says to the Priest, ''The confessional has really changed father. I don't remember Guinness on tap and gay porn mags in the booths". The Priest replies, "That's because you're in my ****in seat!''

A wealthy husband and his wife were having dinner at an upscale restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with George?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. “Ours is prettier," she replies.

Jurgen Klopp flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi boy play football. Kloppy is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left, Klopp gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the lad comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. 'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.' 'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten up and now your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.' The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry..' 'Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' screams his mum, 'it's your bleeding fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!'

By chance I found the perfect sound for my pics .