ArtyGraph

Don't be daft! How could he present it when it was probably him hiding from his Tajikistan bird in the GoGo Bar.

Tonight (13th Jan) on 5 documentary series about about Tourist Police in Bangkok. Starts at 10pm .

British man, 50, is killed on the stroke of midnight in front of his fiancee as firework he was trying to light explodes in his face amid New Year celebrations in Thailand Gary McLaren, 50, died while ringing in the New Year with his Thai fiancee and friends in the party resort of Pattaya, eastern Thailand, on December 31. Mr McLaren, who was originally from Corby, Northamptonshire, had been partying at the Miami A Go Go bar before stepping outside and trying to light a 50cm cardboard tube packed with fireworks. Onlookers said his initial attempts to light the fireworks failed, but he succeeded on a second attempt, causing smoke to pour out of the tube. The fireworks then exploded in his face, knocking him to the ground. Police and medics were called and performed chest compressions on Mr McLaren, but he was pronounced dead at the scene. Posting on Facebook after the accident, she wrote: 'This is [our] last picture honey, you will be in my heart for ever babe. RIP Gary McLaren.' Rod Parsons added: 'RIP my brother Gary McLaren 'You were like a brother to me & I’ll always be forever grateful plus in your debt for everything you’ve done for me and my son Corey Parsons.

Looked offside to me?

Wife texts me on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen." I text back: "Pour some luke warm water over it." Wife texts back: "Computer completely f***d now."

A petrol station owner in Ireland was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.' Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.' A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.' As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.' Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick. My wife won twice last week.

Nah, leave it. Funnier with the original for sure. 😄

A message for the little prick who stole my antidepressants , trainers and hi-vis jacket from my van... I hope you're happy but remember you can run but you can't hide.

Must be playing Scotland?

Actually quite a few but don't tell them!

Group E : Lazio, Celtic, Rennes, Cluj It was Cluj that knocked Celtic out of the Champions League just a fortnight ago. Surprising they're in the same Group again. Was hoping Feyenoord and Celtic would meet after the Dutch twats beat Celtic in the European Cup Final in 1970 in the San Siro. What a wasted trip that was 😄

Group A: PSG, Real Madrid, Club Brugge, Galatasaray Group B: Bayern Munich, Tottenham, Red Star Belgrade, Olympiakos Group C: Manchester City, Shakhtar Donetsk, Dinamo Zagreb, Atalanta Group D: Juventus, Atletico Madrid, Bayer Leverkusen, Lokomotiv Moscow Group E: Liverpool, Napoli, RB Salzburg, Genk Group F: Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund, Inter Milan, Slavia Prague Group G: Zenit St Petersburg, Benfica, Lyon, RB Leipzig Group H: Chelsea, Ajax, Valencia, Lille Group I: Celtic, Rangers, Aberdeen, Hearts

Matthewh? Though he was an ex-member?

37.08 from Transferwise currently.

My mate just came back from a fortnight in Phuket and proudly boasted he was shagging twins when he was there for the duration. I asked him if they were identical and he said Nou had long black hair and brown eyes whereas NooNoo had a beard and a dick.

Unusually very hot in Aberdeenshire yesterday so the little one and I went to play in the garden with the puppy. I just had a pair of shorts on and low and behold a police car turns up after complaints from several neighbours. I just told the officers I thought the shorts made a lovely hat!

6 month old Yorkshire terrier Bitch FREE to loving home. Friendly little thing but barks day & night. If interested let me know and I'll jump over my neighbours fence and get it for you.