karon steve

Poor old bloke gets run over by a bus. Gets up to the pearly gates and is greeted by St Peter . Hello George mate, sorry about the accident but chin up your on VIP list. Can i get you anything? Sure enough says George could i have word with the virgin Mary. Soon enough Mary pops her head around the gates and greets George. What can i do for you? Well, says George. Ive been to all the holy places in the world. Seen tapestries, statues, frescoes and loads of paintings of you and the baby Jesus, but in all of them you're never smiling. I wondered why? Mary looks at him and says quietly I was hoping for a little girl.

So why do they have to wear masks?

For me the result was a travesty. Hamilton dominated start to the last lap. Can someone tell me why an F1 driver in a single seat car has to isolate?

I received an accidental wrong number text yesterday, it said: 'Hi, got a new phone in town, this is my new number be home soon, love ya, Dave xxx' Being me I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I text the bloke back: 'Don't bother, I don't love you, you're a crap in bed & I have been shagging your brother.' I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came: 'You ok mum?'

A little old lady enters a sex shop with her zimmer frame She gets to the counter and asks "vvvviiiibrator" Salesmen "Yes madam here is our standard 6"" "No bbbiiigggeerr" "Well we have the 7" macho man" "No bbbiiigggeerr" "The next size is the Stretcher. 9" and 6 inches of girth." "No bbbiiigggeerr" " Ma'am the biggest we have is the monster dong" and produces a vibrator the size of a thermos flask. "Thhhaaaatss ttthe baaastard. Hoow do you tuuurn it oofff?"

Can't say about James Bond but apparently 007 is now a fat arsed black women with child bearing hips. I would have paid extra to see her get in that Aston. I was disappointed with the film, the plot meandered, the worst tailored Bond ever and the Bond girls reflected current fashion by being overweight. Probably my last Bond movie.

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada, and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?" "Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car, and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country. The history, the beer, the culture..." "Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson beer, that's us, eh Jim? "So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.

I saw a filthy car today on which someone had written "I wish my wife was as dirty as this car"... Some one else had written, "She is when you're at work".

My initial thought when I first saw that picture was that he didn't have enough cash to cover his bin so was escorted to get it. Body language of the totty perhaps?

Lando Norris got pole by tyre choice and lost the race by tyre choice. Feel for him.

My ex wife when she wanted something.

Is there a Windows version or similar?

I was suffering with a really bad cold. Snot everywhere when some old boy wandered past and gave me an aluminium canister which contained a red powder which he told me to snort. Instant end of a runny nose and it never came back whilst I recovered from the cold. Biggest business opportunity I ever missed. In Kata, Phuket was a pharmacist Dr Chusak. Whenever us locla farangs were prescribed tablets etc. we would go to him, tell him the diagnosis and he would then discard the majoirty of the items as unneeded. We let him keep the discarded items which he used on his annual trip to treat the hill tribes for free.

The Havenwood series by Clayton Taylor Wood. Fantasy with great pace. The Magic Collector is book one. https://www.goodreads.com/series/297210-magic-of-havenwood

I thought that he only caught big fish?

Thanks for sharing. One of a few films that I've watched from start to finish for a loooong time. Did you find tne ending disappoiniting?

Got to be at least 20 years ago and it was in the outside bar.