Derek Dangleberries

And to match your curtains !!

At my age it is important to remain inquisitive and try to learn something new each day...Today I learnt that my sheets are blue !!

Coufal is fit and id playing. I need West Ham to bring me some points tonight !!!

He gets them promoted, then only 7 games in they sack him...Pretty shabby treatment IMO.

As usual I was up early and at first light I finished off cutting my hedge. I then stripped my bed for the "Annual Bedsheet Washing Ceremony" I managed to bend my sheets and put them in the neighbour's washing machine. They put up quite a fight and I received quite a few bites and bruises but they are on final spin so have to go hang them up soon .... that is if they haven't disintegrated in the wash!

Bloody Hell! My drunken transfer is on the bench!

May I suggest washing it down with a bottle of Gewurztraminer preferably in the company of a pretty young lady wearing a nice summer dress ....

Thanks to@Mr. Smooth I am listening to this ....

Does the toasted bread chunks have a layer of garlic butter spread on them ...?? Hope so - I can taste it in my mouth just looking at it !!

That Wessex appears to be looking really dejected, poor thing. I bet it has been to places and done things that would scare the pants off most people and now there it sits unwanted. I bet it could tell a tale or two after a few pints.

A cup of pee you mean !!!

Yep, I transferred this week at 46.13 with TW. I apologise if I came across as a doom and gloom monger. I have experienced the biggest swings here, over the decades but that is in the past. I am only interested in each day and what I get for my money. Sorry.

Indeed Carp diem .... fish the day !!

Back down to 45.3 ....If I was a cynical bastard I'd say something dodgy was happening (or zwielichtig as one Thai person might say) every time it gets above 46.

It is possible to catch something in UK in the winter but they tend to be Bloaters. Or is that a Red Herring?

Definitely!! It can be the best Sunday afternoon type sex ever!!! Do exactly as it says. Both of you get horny, you put your willy in and neither of you move!! It is like "edging" but much slower. The cat loves it!!

I'm gonna gamble on sticking with my drunken transfer from Tuesday. I could twist 2 injured players for a -4 or -8 but fuckit, anything can happen on the International break. Injuries, quarantine or leprosy who fucking knows!! As far as I'm concerned you might just as well Wild Card and choose Pugh,Pugh, Barley McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb

What I'd like to know is how the hell did the soi dogs let you get that close to my house!!???

A couple of friends of mine were working on a rooftop. When they saw smoke billowing up the stairwell they called 999 to report the fire before making their way down using a different route. On their way to the car they saw a large crowd gathering around a Firetruck with a "simple simon ladder" being extended. "There are people trapped on the roof" !!! Sheepishly they approached the fire chief and told them it was them that made the call. Apparently it all ended in a few laughs and handshakes all around as they were pleased to have a "real life" practice.

Perhaps he has withdrawn or maybe he is one of the FPL Managers that have been "compromised" and been deleted. Did you get a email from FPL warning about it?

Posh bastard!

When I first went contracting I was very frugal.I once stayed in a cheap B&B with shared "facilities". One morning the landlady complained about me taking a piss during the night after a good few sessions down the pub. After trying to piss out the window I discovered there was a tin roof below me so I decided to piss in the kettle. When she bumped into me in the morning taking the kettle full of piss into the toilet to empty she said "oooh nothing like a brew in the morning!" EDIT = Just off Church street in Malvern. Possibly Portland Road.