AussieBob Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazarus Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazarus Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 Paddy and Mick worked together in the factory and were both laid off. At the unemployment office, Paddy was asked his occupation: “Panty stitcher, I stitch de elastic in ladies panties.” He replied. Being unskilled labour, Paddy was given 100 euros a week. When Mick was asked the same question, he replied. “Diesel fitter!” And since this is skilled work he was given 200 euros a week. When Paddy found out Mick was getting 100 euros a week more than him he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office and demanded to know why Mick was getting more cash. The clerk explained that panty stitching is unskilled work, whereas diesel fitting was skilled work. “What fecking skill?” Yelled Paddy….. “I sew the elastic on the panties. Mick puts them over his head and says. ‘Yep diesel fitter.'” 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazarus Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazarus Posted March 15, 2022 Share Posted March 15, 2022 Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Years later, they get back together to discuss the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother for her 90th Birthday. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can’t see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.” Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote the first son, “The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.” “Marvin,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!” “Dearest Melvin,” she wrote to her third son, “You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious.” 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 There are two statues in a park, One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.' He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, 'Urn, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?' He asks her 'Shall we?' She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I 'II hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head.' 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Little Suzie had a terrible problem of falling asleep in Sunday school. One day, she was dozing off as usual when the teacher asked her "Suzie, who was Jesus’s mother?" Suzie, being asleep, didn't answer. It was then that little Johnny, who sat at the desk right behind her took out his ball point pen and jabbed her from behind. She perked up and shouted "Mary Mother of Jesus!" "Correct!" The teacher replied. Little Suzie went back off to sleep. A while later the teacher called on Little Suzie again by asking "Suzie, who is our one and only saviour?" Once again she didn't reply, so Johnny did as he did before by jabbing her in the back with the pen again. She sat up and shouted "JESUS CHRIST!" "Correct!" Said the teacher, and Suzie went off to sleep again. More time passed until the teacher asked Suzie "Suzie, what did Eve say to Adam after their 23rd child?" Johnny pricked her in the back again so Suzie got up and shouted "If you stick that thing into me one more time, I swear I’ll break it in two!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieBob Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts