LIMERICKS

[Nightcrawler]

There was a young girl from Penzance

Who boarded a bus in a trance

Everyone f*cked her

Including the Conductor

And the driver came twice in his pants

 

 

ADD YOUR  FAVORITE

[coxyhog]

10 minutes ago, Nightcrawler said:

ADD YOUR  FAVORITE

'Twas on the good ship Venus,by god you should have seen us.

The figurehead was a nude in bed sucking a dead man's penis....

Can't remember any more.

[fygjam]

There was an anti-vaxxer from Roi Et
When asked about vaccination said "Not yet"
When the virus said "Gotcha"
He cried "Oh doctor"
"Get me some ivermectin from the vet"

[lazarus]

There once was a troll on 24/7.
Who thought he was smart as a god from heaven,
Though everyone knows
That's not how it goes,
For his schtick didn't make sense at the 7/11.

Edited November 13, 2021 by lazarus

[nampla69]

Pretty sure I heard this the first time I saw the film Arnhem. Two wounded paras sharing a ciggie and talking.

Remember it to this day:

There once was a barmaid from Swale

On whose chest  was tattooed the price of pale ale

And on her behind

For the sake of the blind

Was the same information in Braille

[KhunDon]

There was a young man from Kent

Who’s cock was exceedingly bent. 
 

To save further trouble he stuck it in double and instead of coming, he went. 

[Siam Addict]

On 11/13/2021 at 11:51 AM, coxyhog said:

'Twas on the good ship Venus,by god you should have seen us.

The figurehead was a nude in bed sucking a dead man's penis....

Can't remember any more.

Same first line as the brilliant Sex Pistols song Friggin in the riggin.

Heres the full lyrics

… It was on the good ship Venus
By Christ, ya should've seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed

And the mast, a mammoth penis

 

… The captain of this lugger
He was a dirty bugger
He wasn't fit to shovel shit
From one place to another

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Captain's name was Morgan
By Christ, he was a gorgon
Ten times a day sweet tunes he'd play
On his fuckin' organ

 

… The first mate's name was Cooper
By Christ he was a trooper
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Hold on
Give it some bollocks

… The second mate was Andy
By Christ, he had a dandy
'Til they crushed his cock on a jagged rock
From cumming in the brandy

 

… The cabin boy was Flipper
He was a fuckin' nipper
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Ahoy Jimmy

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… The Captain's wife was Mabel
To f**k she was not able
So the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
Across the barroom table

 

… The Captain had a daughter
Who fell in deep sea water
Delighted squeals we knew the eels
Had found 'er sexual quarters

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

 

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

[KWA]

18 hours ago, Siam Addict said:

… Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was f**k all else to do

Our version was:

 

Friggin' in the riggin'

Wankin' on the plankin'

Masturbatin' on the gratin'

There's f*** all else to do

[Bazle]

Quote

A limerick (/ˈlɪmərɪk/ LIM-ər-ik)^[1] is a form of verse, usually humorous and frequently rude, in five-line, predominantly anapestic^[2] trimeter with a strict rhyme scheme of AABBA, in which the first, second and fifth line rhyme, while the third and fourth lines are shorter and share a different rhyme.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)

[gs joe]

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His pockets full of crackers. One fell down between his legs,
And blew off both his knackers....

 

limerick or parody

[KhunDon]

There was a young chap from Kent 

whose cock was exceedingly bent

so to save further trouble

he stuck it in double

 and instead of coming, he went. 

[boydeste]

2 hours ago, KWA said:

Our version was:

 

Friggin' in the riggin'

Wankin' on the plankin'

Masturbatin' on the gratin'

There's f*** all else to do

Ditto.

[forqalso]

There was a young sailor named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates.
But a fall on his cutlass
Has rendered him nutless,
And practically useless on dates.