coxyhog Posted February 5, 2021 Share Posted February 5, 2021 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazarus Posted February 6, 2021 Share Posted February 6, 2021 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ukdave51 Posted February 6, 2021 Share Posted February 6, 2021 Little Johnny and Billy come down in the morning , after taking their seats at the table the mother asks what they would like for breakfast? "I`ll have fucking cornflakes" says Johnny, "you`ll have WHAT" shouts the mother, again he say "I`ll have fucking cornflakes" with that she grabs him by the ear tells him never to use that kind of language in the house and dismisses him back to his bedroom for the rest of the day. She then turns to Billy and asks what he would like "Well I would be a c**t to ask for cornflakes came the reply" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazarus Posted February 8, 2021 Share Posted February 8, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 8, 2021 Share Posted February 8, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazarus Posted February 8, 2021 Share Posted February 8, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Phil's scrotum The vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I wish to express praise for an answered prayer. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible motorcycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced. "Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The vicar rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitespider Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazle Posted February 11, 2021 Share Posted February 11, 2021 CONFUCIUS ALMOST SAID .... Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient. Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly. Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent. Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion. Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted. Man who eats many prunes get good run for money. War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left. Man who fight with wife all day get no peace at night. It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it. Man who drives like hell is bound to get there. Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 11, 2021 Share Posted February 11, 2021 An old widowed golfer and a widow had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the elderly gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently," she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhunDon Posted February 12, 2021 Share Posted February 12, 2021 Confucius said ”a swinging chain means a warm seat”. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 12, 2021 Share Posted February 12, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 12, 2021 Share Posted February 12, 2021 8 hours ago, KhunDon said: Confucius said ”a swinging chain means a warm seat”. A good f**k is like a warm bog seat.... It's very nice but you wonder who was there before you.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karon steve Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 A man in prison with a stutter died before he finished his sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazarus Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lirchenfeld Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerry Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
code_slayer_bkk Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 There was a man named Adair Who was screwing a girl on the stairs The banister broke so he doubled his stroke And polished her off in the air ... Still puts a smile on my face 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhunDon Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 There was a young man from Kent, who’s cock was exceedingly bent. To save further trouble, he stuffed it in double and instead of cumming, he went. 😉 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ukdave51 Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 On the good ship Venus by Christ you should have seen us the figurehead was a whore in bed sucking a dead man’s penis. The captain’s name was Lugger by Christ he was a bugger he wasn’t fit to shovel shit from one ship to another. And the second mate was Andy by Christ he had a dandy till they crushed his cock on a jagged rock for cumming in the brandy. The third mate’s name was Morgan by God he was a gorgon from half past eight he played till late upon the captain’s organ. The captain’s wife was Mabel and by God was she able to give the crew their daily screw upon the galley table. The captain’s daughter Charlotte was born and bred a harlot Her thighs at night were lily white by morning they were scarlet. The cabin boy was Kipper by Christ he was a nipper he stuffed his ass with broken glass and circumcised the skipper. The captain’s lovely daughter liked swimming in the water. Delighted squeals came when some eels found her sexual quarters. The cook his name was Freeman and he was a dirty demon and he fed the crew on menstrual stew and hymens fried in semen. And the ship’s dog was called Rover and we turned the poor thing over and ground and ground that faithful hound from Teneriff to Dover. When we reached our station through skilful navigation the ship got sunk in a wave of spunk from too much fornication. On the good ship Venus by Christ you should have seen us the figurehead was a whore in bed sucking a dead man’s penis. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 I guess with all these lockdowns we need to plan ahead for next hols. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerry Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 IMG_0633.MP4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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