Jokes to raise a smile? (Threads Merged)

[gs joe]

[Siam Addict]

[tko]

[lazarus]

[KhunDon]

On a Friday afternoon during the last school lesson the teacher would ask the class a question, the first to put their hand up and answer correctly got to go home early. 
 

little Johnny alway put his hand up but  teacher never asked him for the answer and he was getting pissed off seeing other classmates going home early each week, so he hatched a cunning plan for the following Friday. 
He secreted a pack of Maltesers in his pocket and as the teacher stood up to ask her question he rolled two of the sweets down the isle towards her. 
 

She said, “ok! who’s the funny little  guy with 2 black balls”?

Quick as a flash, Johnny stood up and said “Sammy Davis Junior ma’am, see ya Monday”.

[Siam Addict]

[Siam Addict]

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!" So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex. "Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon." So,the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong feet! you got dem on the wrong feet!".

[Siam Addict]

[tko]

[Siam Addict]

[Siam Addict]

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get

dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you

always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope.. just when it's raining.

[tko]

[rajs123]

14 hours ago, Siam Addict said:

For some reason I am unable to see the pics that you post. Any techies out there who might know what the problem is?

[Siam Addict]

Sorry Raj,no idea. I copy and paste them mainly from facebook.

 

Hopefully as this is text you can read it?

 

A grandson asked his grandpa one question while on the way back from school....*

What is the difference between 'Wife' and 'Girlfriend' ?

Grandpa thought for a minute and Simplified the explanation like this ;

Listen Son :

*Wife* is like a *TV*

and

*Girlfriend* is like a *MOBILE*

At home you *watch* TV ,

but when you go out you *take* your MOBILE .

Sometimes you *enjoy* TV , but most of the time , you *play* with your MOBILE .

TV is (as good as) *free* for life , but for the MOBILE , if you don't *pay* , the services will be *terminated* .

TV is *big , bulky* and most of the time *old* ,

But the MOBILE is *cute , slim , curvy , replaceable* and *portable* .

Operational costs for TV is often *acceptable*

but for the MOBILE , it is often *high* and *demanding* .

TV has a *remote*

but MOBILE *doesn't* .

Most importantly , MOBILE is a *two-way communication* (you talk and listen) , but with the TV , you *MUST only listen* (whether you want to or not) !

Last but not least !!!

Yet TVs are superior because TVs don't have *viruses* , but MOBILES often *do*

And mobiles can be easily *hacked* or *stolen* .

*Take Care*

*Stick to TV only*

[Siam Addict]

[forqalso]

I’ve had the problem copying from Facebook, so I’ll save from Facebook and post from my photo album. Sometimes I’ll see a picture from my album won’t post correctly, so I screenshot from my album then post the screenshot. I guess it has to do with the file type and there’s probably an easier way around this issue, but it works for me. 

[forcebwithu]

1 hour ago, forqalso said:

I’ve had the problem copying from Facebook, so I’ll save from Facebook and post from my photo album. Sometimes I’ll see a picture from my album won’t post correctly, so I screenshot from my album then post the screenshot. I guess it has to do with the file type and there’s probably an easier way around this issue, but it works for me. 

Check your phone's settings to see if its using the relatively new HEIC format which the forum software doesn't support. Changing the default pic format to JPG should resolve the problem of uploading pics.

[coxyhog]

[Siam Addict]

[coxyhog]

[lazarus]

[KhunDon]

I’ll get my coat. 😟

Edited July 6, 2022 by KhunDon

[Lirchenfeld]

Uh lala....

[Siam Addict]

[tko]