Life is fleeting - enjoy it while you can

[Krapow]

I can see such a resemblance in her early pic, mate.

She might have just decided she's had enough living like that, so stopped eating. And who could blame her if that was the case, she took control.

My Da gets fed through a tube in his stomach, and he had always said if he ended up in a care home to kill him.

But in the real world you can't do that, the best we could do as a family was a 'Do not resuscitate'.

As much as it'lll obviously hurt me when he passes, it'll also be a sense of relieve for him, no more suffering, as no way would be want to be like me is, bedridden, incontinent, can't talk etc. 

[galenkia]

My sister Jan has around two to three months if she’s lucky.

Gonna have to make a major decision about my future after I bury her as I’ll have nobody, she’s all I have.

Makes you reassess your life and priorities.

[Krapow]

3 minutes ago, galenkia said:

My sister Jan has around two to three months if she’s lucky.

Gonna have to make a major decision about my future after I bury her as I’ll have nobody, she’s all I have.

Makes you reassess your life and priorities.

Agreed!

Enjoy it while you can, mate, don't put off things you've always wanted to do, just do them when you still can.

By the end of the year i'll have spent near £20,000 on holidays this year. I could've got a nice motor with that, but for what, to go to Tesco the odd night, the odd weekend away when i could go by train anyway. I don't need a car in London. I could have it in the bank, but for what, to look at and think the balance looks healthy.

I'd rather spend it on something i want to do and will enjoy, while i still can. Two trips diving with sharks this year, hopefully seeing the Northern Lights in December, and a wee all inclusive to Turkey to just relax in October.

You just don't know what's round the corner, i'm enjoying life while i still can, whilst also not being stupid. I have property, and i'll not leave us skint. My responsibilities are taken care off. 

But yea, my Dad's stroke and Covid made me reassess my life and priorities. And i'm glad it did TBH, gave me to 'push' to do things i always dreamed of doing.

[galenkia]

17 minutes ago, Krapow said:

Agreed!

Enjoy it while you can, mate, don't put off things you've always wanted to do, just do them when you still can.

By the end of the year i'll have spent near £20,000 on holidays this year. I could've got a nice motor with that, but for what, to go to Tesco the odd night, the odd weekend away when i could go by train anyway. I don't need a car in London. I could have it in the bank, but for what, to look at and think the balance looks healthy.

I'd rather spend it on something i want to do and will enjoy, while i still can. Two trips diving with sharks this year, hopefully seeing the Northern Lights in December, and a wee all inclusive to Turkey to just relax in October.

You just don't know what's round the corner, i'm enjoying life while i still can, whilst also not being stupid. I have property, and i'll not leave us skint. My responsibilities are taken care off. 

But yea, my Dad's stroke and Covid made me reassess my life and priorities. And i'm glad it did TBH, gave me to 'push' to do things i always dreamed of doing.

I am 55 tomorrow so I can access my pension, and I also have a very tidy savings.

Once Jan has passed I’ll make a decision about what I’m gonna do for the rest of my life.

[Krapow]

2 hours ago, galenkia said:

I am 55 tomorrow so I can access my pension, and I also have a very tidy savings.

Once Jan has passed I’ll make a decision about what I’m gonna do for the rest of my life.

Aye, this year was a wee bit special for me, 20 years clean and sober, so an 'appreciate being alive' and go for it year, as i'd be dead if i hadn't stopped. And also the Lapland trip was booked with a deposit before Covid, so only getting now and paying the balance.

Next year and going forward i'd wouldn't be spending that, but around £10,000 on 2 Thai trips, as flights are around £3000 per trip for the 3 of us, then hotels, diving, spending etc. 

I'm fine with that, and like you and your Pension, i've been thinking about mine, and talking with genuine Pension Advisors via my work, to ascertain when it's financially possible to retire. It's just a bit more complicated for me with a 7 year old daughter, her schooling, i want her to stay at school in London, and so would she. But i'm  not complaining, i wouldn't have it any other way. 

If i got a decent lottery win, we'd be away and a top class paid International school somewhere in Thailand 

[galenkia]

46 minutes ago, Krapow said:

Aye, this year was a wee bit special for me, 20 years clean and sober, so an 'appreciate being alive' and go for it year, as i'd be dead if i hadn't stopped. And also the Lapland trip was booked with a deposit before Covid, so only getting now and paying the balance.

Next year and going forward i'd wouldn't be spending that, but around £10,000 on 2 Thai trips, as flights are around £3000 per trip for the 3 of us, then hotels, diving, spending etc. 

I'm fine with that, and like you and your Pension, i've been thinking about mine, and talking with genuine Pension Advisors via my work, to ascertain when it's financially possible to retire. It's just a bit more complicated for me with a 7 year old daughter, her schooling, i want her to stay at school in London, and so would she. But i'm  not complaining, i wouldn't have it any other way. 

If i got a decent lottery win, we'd be away and a top class paid International school somewhere in Thailand 

I’m not thinking about retiring as such, more about taking some time out to deal with my situation and spending time trying to get my mind sorted.

 I’m a very emotional person so I find it hard to deal with difficult things.

[Krapow]

6 minutes ago, galenkia said:

I’m not thinking about retiring as such, more about taking some time out to deal with my situation and spending time trying to get my mind sorted.

 I’m a very emotional person so I find it hard to deal with difficult things.

I hear ya, though the only thing i would say is make sure you don't have too much time on your hands with nothing to do, you can be sitting dwelling on things, and that's dangerous.  You need structure, purpose, especially at a time like that.

But you know yourself best, and i'm sure you know this, and your substance misuse worker said told you the similar.

[galenkia]

2 minutes ago, Krapow said:

I hear ya, though the only thing i would say is make sure you don't have too much time on your hands with nothing to do, you can be sitting dwelling on things, and that's dangerous.  You need structure, purpose, especially at a time like that.

But you know yourself best, and i'm sure you know this, and your substance misuse worker said told you the similar.

I speak with my addiction counselor twice a week, she is basically preparing me to lose my sister. She and my sister Jan are concerned I’ll self destruct after I lose her, and I am as well, as she is all I have.

Gonna be a difficult time so I hope I can deal with it.

[Aqualung]

26 minutes ago, galenkia said:

I speak with my addiction counselor twice a week, she is basically preparing me to lose my sister. She and my sister Jan are concerned I’ll self destruct after I lose her, and I am as well, as she is all I have.

Gonna be a difficult time so I hope I can deal with it.

Take on board what Krapow has written Alan. Well at least try please. 

You've already overcome for the best part your main demon so it would be a crying shame if you went back there whatever the circumstances. 

That said, I'm being hypocritical as I can't follow any advice I've been given because I'm weak willed and basically fucking lazy. 

I've lost all my family in the space of 8 years. 2012-2020...father,younger brother and my dear old mum. 

It's bloody tough mate and for me I can't get through a day without thinking about who I've lost. It's especially worse as I live in Sweden at the moment and when I view YouTube videos of where I spent 55 years living it does get me thinking about stuff....... I'm a sentimental person I guess. 

Don't go back to the booze mate... I'm f***d because of it. Get on that motorcycle, get to Loftus road if you must lol! 

Stay strong mate. 

[Golfingboy]

@galenkia Happy 55 mate! I’m sure there is part of you that’s relieved you made it this far….but you’ve been such a good lad, don’t ruin it please. What is it, 4.5 years sober? That’s bloody impressive and I’ve heard there is no such thing as a “small slip” for a former hard drinker, it would really be a backwards step. 
 

Like many on here, I have no real advice to offer about Jan…..you know it’s coming very soon and sounds like you 2 are super tight. But I’m sure you have positive friends in London as well as being on the board to keep you occupied, as well as riding when it isn’t pissing rain 

Assuming you’re not getting any extended vacation from work, you will have to decide how much time you’re at her side those final weeks. I went home at 7 pm because of curfew, we got the call Dad passed at 2:20 am. Got dressed and got there at 4, honestly when I think back I’m happy I am not traumatized, seeing him laying there, still warm and wrapped like a mummy. You’ll probably take an hour or so, lean close to her, reminisce, cry like you never have before…..and then the system will do their jobs and take care of the details. 
 

Nobody can fault you mate, you talk about your time together often on here, she’s happy to have you in this awful time. Stay strong mate, it’s not pleasant, but not insurmountable like you may think 

[galenkia]

1 hour ago, Golfingboy said:

@galenkia Happy 55 mate! I’m sure there is part of you that’s relieved you made it this far….but you’ve been such a good lad, don’t ruin it please. What is it, 4.5 years sober? That’s bloody impressive and I’ve heard there is no such thing as a “small slip” for a former hard drinker, it would really be a backwards step. 
 

Like many on here, I have no real advice to offer about Jan…..you know it’s coming very soon and sounds like you 2 are super tight. But I’m sure you have positive friends in London as well as being on the board to keep you occupied, as well as riding when it isn’t pissing rain 

Assuming you’re not getting any extended vacation from work, you will have to decide how much time you’re at her side those final weeks. I went home at 7 pm because of curfew, we got the call Dad passed at 2:20 am. Got dressed and got there at 4, honestly when I think back I’m happy I am not traumatized, seeing him laying there, still warm and wrapped like a mummy. You’ll probably take an hour or so, lean close to her, reminisce, cry like you never have before…..and then the system will do their jobs and take care of the details. 
 

Nobody can fault you mate, you talk about your time together often on here, she’s happy to have you in this awful time. Stay strong mate, it’s not pleasant, but not insurmountable like you may think 

Thanks Eric.

I have three weeks holiday off work I have saved for this so I can be there for her and have time to grieve.

Gonna be hard but I’ll do the best I can to keep myself together.

[Lemondropkid]

12 hours ago, galenkia said:

I am 55 tomorrow

I love the small window when you catch up with me age wise😉

All the best my friend, sound advice from Krapow. All pulling for you on here.

[Phantom51red]

12 hours ago, galenkia said:

I am 55 tomorrow so I can access my pension, and I also have a very tidy savings.

Once Jan has passed I’ll make a decision about what I’m gonna do for the rest of my life.

Sound advice from krapow indeed,ye know,again sorry to hear about your sister,slightly off topic,this is regarding dipping into your pension when yer 55,ill be the same come november,has your pension company contacted you about accsessing your pension or is it 3rd partys ?, ive had 2 letters through the door recently cant remember name of company but it wasnt my own pension company l and g.,my thinking is surely its possible to access our own pension without a 3rd party company wanting a cut,ive not looked into it... and it was bad enough trying to get hold of l and g last year to combine 2 pensions together.

[Stillearly]

13 hours ago, galenkia said:

I am 55 tomorrow 

Happy Birthday!! Have a good day 🎂🎉

[Horizondave]

12 hours ago, Krapow said:

If i got a decent lottery win, we'd be away and a top class paid International school somewhere in Thailand 

I agree. I do love living in Wales but when it comes down to it, I am really here because of my daughter (she is 8). If we had more money (got a large 5 figure sum suspended offshore), I would be back to Thailand and living in Hua Hin. 

I am already on 2 pensions (have another not taken yet) and would live comfortably in Hua Hin but just not enough to send Kataleya to a good international school. Porn, also has a good job with the NHS and is enjoying earning the money, not that I see much of it, so she would rather be here.

I will probably just look forward in the future to spending more time overseas in Thailand and the Philippines (have a grown up daughter there), that will be in over 3 years time when Kataleya is responsible enough to let herself into the house with her own door key. If I could take monthly trips away every so often, I might be happy to still locate in Wales. That might change if Stonewall become spokesperson for the next government.

[galenkia]

4 hours ago, Phantom51red said:

Sound advice from krapow indeed,ye know,again sorry to hear about your sister,slightly off topic,this is regarding dipping into your pension when yer 55,ill be the same come november,has your pension company contacted you about accsessing your pension or is it 3rd partys ?, ive had 2 letters through the door recently cant remember name of company but it wasnt my own pension company l and g.,my thinking is surely its possible to access our own pension without a 3rd party company wanting a cut,ive not looked into it... and it was bad enough trying to get hold of l and g last year to combine 2 pensions together.

Not heard anything yet but I have a lot of savings so I don’t have to access it for a long time.

But if I wanted to take over 4 years off work then I would have to.

[galenkia]

Got a lovely birthday card from my colleagues at work.

On a half day holiday and gonna go to my sisters in the minute.

Edited September 1, 2023 by galenkia

[Derek Dangleberries]

49 minutes ago, galenkia said:

Got a lovely birthday card from my colleagues at work.

On a half day holiday and gonna go to my sisters in the minute.

Happy Birthday mate !!!

I would be too embarrassed to write in the card because my handwriting is like a 10 year old...Your mates have very good handwriting !!

Edited September 1, 2023 by Derek Dangleberries

[ChiFlyer]

7 hours ago, Stillearly said:

Happy Birthday!! Have a good day 🎂🎉

Same here.

[boydeste]

@galenkia

Happy birthday Al.

Have a great day.🥳

Edited September 1, 2023 by boydeste

[Krapow]

8 hours ago, Horizondave said:

I agree. I do love living in Wales but when it comes down to it, I am really here because of my daughter (she is 8). If we had more money (got a large 5 figure sum suspended offshore), I would be back to Thailand and living in Hua Hin. 

I am already on 2 pensions (have another not taken yet) and would live comfortably in Hua Hin but just not enough to send Kataleya to a good international school. Porn, also has a good job with the NHS and is enjoying earning the money, not that I see much of it, so she would rather be here.

I will probably just look forward in the future to spending more time overseas in Thailand and the Philippines (have a grown up daughter there), that will be in over 3 years time when Kataleya is responsible enough to let herself into the house with her own door key. If I could take monthly trips away every so often, I might be happy to still locate in Wales. That might change if Stonewall become spokesperson for the next government.

Yea, for what my money gets me in London, i'd get a much better standard of life in Thailand, apart from the schooling.

But as said, i'm not complaining, i wouldn't have it any other way.

[Glasseye]

On 8/31/2023 at 11:29 PM, ChiFlyer said:

These changes can be tough to go through. I tried having mom live in an assisted living apartment when she started to recover a little at one point. That only lasted a few months. Mom had always been a bit of a pyro and some of her neighbors started complaining that she was leaving both the door open and stove-top on. I guess walking past the open door with flames showing in the kitchen was a little unsettling. The assisted living management told me that she had to go. At that point I put her in a nursing home.

My job at that time was such that I traveled a lot. I could not afford a live in nurse without jeopardizing my ability to fund upcoming college costs for my children.

 

When my mom faded away with cancer my sister and I were going to try to rotate and try to enable her to stay in the house. But with dad being 93 at the time the stress factor would be overwhelming, especially for Mom. 

We were able to get her into a very good place, but the only room available was on a dementia unit.

I was there almost every day. I learned a great deal from that experience. We made the right decision... Mom was much better off there.

Anyway.... often there was a dementia patient that would just casually walked into the room and go through moms drawers (the ones where you store stuff). I was amazed at how Mom dealt with it. Your post made me recall that.

 

‐‐----------

 

Binlid... my condolences. Life can throw a lot at you at times. You'll keep the boat steady. There will be moments of unexpected rough waves. But your boat is strong, you'll get over them.

Thanks for sharing.

 

 

 

[Glasseye]

On 9/1/2023 at 1:15 AM, Krapow said:

I can see such a resemblance in her early pic, mate.

She might have just decided she's had enough living like that, so stopped eating. And who could blame her if that was the case, she took control.

My Da gets fed through a tube in his stomach, and he had always said if he ended up in a care home to kill him.

But in the real world you can't do that, the best we could do as a family was a 'Do not resuscitate'.

As much as it'lll obviously hurt me when he passes, it'll also be a sense of relieve for him, no more suffering, as no way would be want to be like me is, bedridden, incontinent, can't talk etc. 

 

My aunt made it to 98. 

Years before we had more than one conversation about end of life things.

She said when the time came she would just stop eating. I completely respected her with her wishes and foresight. And that was the way it ended. Although when the time came it was agonizing for me. 

[Glasseye]

17 hours ago, Phantom51red said:

Sound advice from krapow indeed,ye know,again sorry to hear about your sister,slightly off topic,this is regarding dipping into your pension when yer 55,ill be the same come november,has your pension company contacted you about accsessing your pension or is it 3rd partys ?, ive had 2 letters through the door recently cant remember name of company but it wasnt my own pension company l and g.,my thinking is surely its possible to access our own pension without a 3rd party company wanting a cut,ive not looked into it... and it was bad enough trying to get hold of l and g last year to combine 2 pensions together.

I kicked in mine at 51.

 

There were several reasons I left when I did. But the way things factored out mathematcally I calculated the equivalency of the wage reduction if I stayed working.

 

Continue working for peanuts, or be set free forever. 

I was out the door the first day. I've never looked back.

[Glasseye]

On 9/1/2023 at 1:34 AM, Krapow said:

Agreed!

Enjoy it while you can, mate, don't put off things you've always wanted to do, just do them when you still can.

By the end of the year i'll have spent near £20,000 on holidays this year. I could've got a nice motor with that, but for what, to go to Tesco the odd night, the odd weekend away when i could go by train anyway. I don't need a car in London. I could have it in the bank, but for what, to look at and think the balance looks healthy.

I'd rather spend it on something i want to do and will enjoy, while i still can. Two trips diving with sharks this year, hopefully seeing the Northern Lights in December, and a wee all inclusive to Turkey to just relax in October.

You just don't know what's round the corner, i'm enjoying life while i still can, whilst also not being stupid. I have property, and i'll not leave us skint. My responsibilities are taken care off. 

But yea, my Dad's stroke and Covid made me reassess my life and priorities. And i'm glad it did TBH, gave me to 'push' to do things i always dreamed of doing.

I have found that many of those things I used to think were on the way in that fantasy world of life after working aren't what I need at all.

Extra stuff can often cause extra worries. It is amazing how fast you can burn through money. 

The security aspect of money (secure income) is critical. Some of the pension scams and underfunding is despicable.