ChiFlyer Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 I am probably writing this just to get in touch with my own thoughts. We had a birthday party supper with another couple at Natan's in Jomtien. I am not a fan of Natan's, but the others wanted to go there. The food was not bad. Everyone had a fish entree. So what is unusual about this situation that I am writing about it? The birthday boy in all likelihood is celebrating his last birthday. This is not a sad story. The man has made it to 81. He suffers from Stage-4 Alzheimer and his quality of life has become significantly reduced. This is not in anyway a recent diagnosis. The doctors say that he is a bad bet to make the New Year. Given his situation moving on might be the best thing. The man is not a friend of mine. His wife is about the sweetest person that I know. At this time she is probably my wife's BFF. The ladies cooked this idea up and I agreed to go along thinking this might put a little more positive note on things for the BFF. It did do that and I am glad that I did this, despite being out 5000 (2 bottles of wine with 3 of us drinking it). The party against the bittersweet backdrop went reasonably well. At the beginning the birthday boy did not remember why he was there and thought it was someone else's bday. Toward the end he did remember that it was his bday. Although shortly after that realization, he asked my wife what her name was despite having met her probably 50 times before. At lunch a few months back he asked her that 5 times. Yep. He did hang in there for desert -> Chocolate Ice Cream. He does remember that he likes ice cream. 4 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golfingboy Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 My Dad’s dad and his wife(grandparents) both passed at 81 on Monday evenings 4 weeks apart in late 1998. Was a tough holiday season, Dad handled everything as one brother was in O&G living everywhere BUT Canada, other one passed at only 33. They had good lives, Granny was a stay at home wife/Mom who never drove a car, Gramps was a retired bus driver who had a heart of gold. Unfortunately, his 4th stroke finally took him out, I believe quitting smoking in his 60’s did more harm than good. She was so busy looking after him, that she missed a few checkups, by the time she could no longer ignore her belly pain, had a tumour the size of a grapefruit and passed in a month So even back then, today, and in the future, I think 81 is a decent age to reach. Alzheimer’s is awful though, Gramps had dementia with the strokes & he was very tough to handle the last few years. Work mate of Dad’s who I emailed to let know of his passing, lost his wife in 2020 to same thing at 60-61. Started losing it at 50, at home 5 years then in a home the final 5…..didn’t recognize her own husband and used to tell him to leave when he visited. She used to babysit me in the 80’s……sad to know she was gone so young, but hey that’s life eh? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 A mate I worked with started early onset dementia aged 55 , the last three years he has been in full time care and doesn't know much of what is happening... a close friend died of a heart attack aged 31 , the night before we were due to fly to Brazil two close friends have died of cancer , one aged 58 the other aged 60 ... So I definitely believe in the sentiment expressed in the thread title ... maybe time to book another holiday .. 😉 555 I also agree with some other recent threads , that everyone should have their financial affairs / wills in order , so it's simple for those left behind and your wishes are followed ( I've seen a couple of messy situations where that didn't happen ) 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pumpuynarak Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 Life is not a dress rehearsal.......enjoy it while you can is my motto. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChiFlyer Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 My mother died of dementia related illnesses that built over 5 years. These were probably related to a series of mini-strokes. I was not really that close to her before this. She had a Victorian attitude about things and disliked her hippie type son. Both of us were products of the times we came of age in. I would agree that her times (Spanish Flu, Great Depression, WWII) were much tougher than mine. Still despite our differences, when the time came, I was the one (with help from a cousin) that had to IMO transition her affairs. At this time, I was an almost always on the road IT warrior paying child support. I could not provide a home for Mom without jeopardizing my own financial future, which in turn jeopardized the education of my children (her grandchildren). After a few futile attempts at Assisted Living, I moved her into a nursing home. I was able to fund this from her estate, which I had assumed POA over. She thought she was in a hotel and that her brother (died 20 years earlier) was in a room across the hall. She occasionally mistook me for my father (weird feeling for sure). In any case seeing a loved one or family member through this type of thing is difficult best case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krapow Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 (edited) 7 hours ago, Pumpuynarak said: Life is not a dress rehearsal.......enjoy it while you can is my motto. Absolutely, and has been my mindset since my Dad took a bad stroke, and then covid hit the world. You just don't know what's around the corner, so whilst not leaving us skint, i'm enjoying it as much as i can while i still can. Diving with sharks a couple of months ago, hopefully again in a couple of weeks, and going to see the Northern Lights in Lapland at the end of the year. Edit, oh, and also a 12 trip top Turkey booked for October, and flights already booked for Thailand March/April next year. Edited July 4, 2023 by Krapow 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 I have told the story before in here. I believe it was Feb., 2018. Happily getting ready for a night out, primping up in my room on Soi 13 when my phone pinged. The only reason I bothered to look at the phone was I was waiting for Stew to let me know he was on the way. The message however turned out to be from my best friend (since early childhood, college roomate, best man, etc.). I recognized the phone number instantly so I started to read the unusually long message. Well.... the message wasn't from him. It was his wife writing. Steve had just dropped dead in his back yard while doing some gardening. Massive heart attack, he had just turned 60. ------------------------------------ That moment was one of those life changing happenings (whether good or bad, or a combination). His sudden, early, unexpected loss influenced my outlook toward many things. The direction of my lifes views changed significantly, becomming tilted toward what the title of this thread suggests. The floodgates opened for a few years, I don't regret it one bit. Yet I eventually began to return to a more balanced view. Recognizing that everyone is different. I have a possibility of living into my 90's, reasonably clear headed. I need to prepare for any possibility, yet still take care of my health, have fun, but be reasonable. Enjoy the simple things - a smile on a dog, the beauty of a light breeze through the trees, a group of friends cracking up at a good joke, and best of all the sounds of those tunes I used to crank out on the old stereos in our back rooms and basements back in the day. Miss ya Steve. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxyhog Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 Just as I was reading this I had a call from my 93yo mother....she didn't mean to call me but she gets the phone handset mixed up with the TV remote control.I just spent about 15mins trying to explain the difference & she ended up with a fit of the giggles,which was better than the tears she is usually in. Not sure how much longer she can stay at home,she's physically very fit for her age but has zero short term memory and is only going to get worse. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasseye Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 30 minutes ago, coxyhog said: Just as I was reading this I had a call from my 93yo mother....she didn't mean to call me but she gets the phone handset mixed up with the TV remote control.I just spent about 15mins trying to explain the difference & she ended up with a fit of the giggles,which was better than the tears she is usually in. Not sure how much longer she can stay at home,she's physically very fit for her age but has zero short term memory and is only going to get worse. Thanks for sharing Coxy. Those moments of laughter are as special as anything in your (our) lives that we will ever experience. Amazing how a spontaneous event such as you mention can bring such emotion and joy, even as we struggle with the challenges and difficulties we endure. Keep your head up mate. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikerchris Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 April this year had the sad news sum1 i knew from my trips to Thailand had passed away 😞 , he dun 35 yrs in the Royal Marines , thats sum going he did not join up till he was 25, me being ex Royal Engineers we got on great , was told he was helping a mate in the Garden , told him to make a brew , next mim next door at shouting that his friend had fell over , at the inquest they said by the time he had hit the floor he was gone . massive heart attack . 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 I used to think, like most people I guess, that Alzheimer's was something that only old people sadly to go down with in their later years. Unfortunately that is not true and probably never was. My wife was in her late 30's when she started to exhibit the signs of early dementia but was not diagnosed as such. Her doctor shoved her onto antidepressants for a year and promptly forgot about her. It was not until I went myself to see her doctor to complain that a series of tests were carried out and Alzheimer's was the awful news. At the time I was told that she was the third youngest person in Scotland to receive such a diagnosis. We now know that is no longer the case by a long way. Dementia is an awful disease. You watch the person you knew and love be taken away from you in stages until they cannot recognize you and vice versa. Eventually the body starts to close down. No quality of life and bedridden. Technically my wife died of pneumonia alleviated by the enhanced application of morphine. Sometimes life is just not fair. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeb Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 (edited) 7 hours ago, Bikerchris said: at the inquest they said by the time he had hit the floor he was gone . massive heart attack . I'd much prefer the above for myself then lingering and having lost my marbles....etc Or as the Kenny Rogers song went - "the best we can hope for is to die in our sleep"..... Then there is is this - Edited July 4, 2023 by Zeb 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nickrock Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 9 hours ago, coxyhog said: Just as I was reading this I had a call from my 93yo mother....she didn't mean to call me but she gets the phone handset mixed up with the TV remote control.I just spent about 15mins trying to explain the difference & she ended up with a fit of the giggles,which was better than the tears she is usually in. Not sure how much longer she can stay at home,she's physically very fit for her age but has zero short term memory and is only going to get worse. It's actually those crazy things that you remember for many years after Mum had been bedridden for a couple of years and dad looked after her with minimal outside help last 2 weeks she had to go in to a home Mrs and I were visiting and mum kept on insisting that we move in because "you know your father can't cope on his own " dad had been doing everything cooked cleaning running mum in to the city for medical appointments just getting her out to the car at 90 was not a easy job 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post maipenrai Posted July 4, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 4, 2023 Alzheimer's is a cruel disease - I went through the whole experience with my own mother; she'd started to slip mentally even before my father passed away, I remember him saying that he was getting worried about her because her short-term memory was getting bad. She managed to do okay on her own for a couple of more years and then things took a marked turn for the worse and thankfully I managed to get her into a brand new gov't run extended care facility where she spent the next 6.5 years of her life - she was relatively lucid for the first year or so but then turned catatonic and stayed that way for the duration. We'd already worked the money part out with me getting control of her finances and I moved into her house, renting out my own, for the duration of her stay, renovating the whole thing while I was there. My local brother didn't want anything to do with the whole situation - he visited her in the home twice during the first six months and then never again - "I can't deal with it" - that's nice, somebody had to and that was me and it may be his turn someday, who'll look after him? My eldest brother lives in Australia, he would have been there for her and us but was just too far removed. Anyway, it was a blessing when she finally passed away peacefully and we sold her house and settled the estate some time later; my aforementioned bro and I were co-executors on her estate and inherited extra funds accordingly which annoyed me somewhat at the time as I had worked my butt off for mine and he never lifted a finger for his, but it's all water under the bridge now - more or less all a blur to me after so many years; but when I find myself having senior moments - mostly forgetting names or words or where I last used a tool - I think of what happened to Mom and a chill runs down my spine... 6 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChiFlyer Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) On 7/5/2023 at 6:02 AM, maipenrai said: ....... Anyway, it was a blessing when she finally passed away peacefully and we sold her house and settled the estate some time later; my aforementioned bro and I were co-executors on her estate and inherited extra funds accordingly which annoyed me somewhat at the time as I had worked my butt off for mine and he never lifted a finger for his, but it's all water under the bridge now - more or less all a blur to me after so many years; but when I find myself having senior moments - mostly forgetting names or words or where I last used a tool - I think of what happened to Mom and a chill runs down my spine... It was a blessing indeed when my mother finally passed. She had no joy of living anymore. She could no longer taste food and was being fed intravenously. I had been hesitating on issuing the DNR order, but with her latest problems I issued it. She was gone a few weeks later. I went to her nursing home one afternoon after issuing the DNR. She was close to comatose. I came into the room quietly and stood by the wall. I felt a strange presence in the room. The nurse who was checking out my mother's condition jumped when she noticed me. I apologized for not announcing myself. She blurted out -> "I am sorry. I thought you were Death". We both chuckled. I left and went home. A little after that I received a phone call that mom had passed. I wonder a little about that other presence to this day. My sister, who did close to nothing during my mother's passing (said sister had her reasons that I respect (mom gave her no peace)) split the remainder of the estate with me. By then due to the nursing home and medical bills that were paid out of mom's estate, that was close to nothing. I did make sure to charge my mother's funeral lunch for her friends (not many left at that point) to the estate so that sis and I got a little less. Earned me a few smiles from mom's remaining friends. Edited July 13, 2023 by ChiFlyer 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binlid Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 (edited) Lost my beloved mother at the beginning of this month, Advanced Dementia and old age were the cause of death, she was 92. Only seems like yesterday when she sat me on the draining board and washed my mouth out with soap and water for saying the word bloody. She had lived on her own since my dad died 30 years ago and in the last 8 years had suffered a series of mini strokes. Neighbours would find her wondering not suitably dressed for the cold weather, one time wearing sandals in the snow. Six years ago we, along with doctors at the hospital decided she needed to be in a Care Home for her own safety. As a result of the strokes she was unable to say anything that we were able to make any sense of though she understood what we were saying to her and would nod or shake her head .Middle of July Mum was not eating so her GP sent her to hospital for some tests to see if there was any underlying issues, they found nothing of concern and the doctor rang me to tell me that we must just send her back to the care home for end of life care and she never ate anything until the day she died 3 weeks later. Edited August 31, 2023 by Binlid 1 1 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boydeste Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 Sorry for your loss mate, sounds like a blessing in disguise at the end. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Painter Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 8 minutes ago, Binlid said: Lost my beloved mother at the beginning of this month, Advanced Dementia and old age were the cause of death, she was 92. Only seems like yesterday when she sat me on the draining board and washed my mouth out with soap and water for saying the word bloody. She had lived on her own since my dad died 30 years ago and in the last 8 years had suffered a series of mini strokes. Neighbours would find her wondering not suitably dressed for the cold weather, one time wearing sandals in the snow.O Six years ago we, along with doctors at the hospital decided she needed to be in a Care Home for her own safety. As a result of the strokes she was unable to say anything that we were able to make any sense of though she understood what we were saying to her and would nod or shake her head. Sorry for your loss, @Binlid 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChiFlyer Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Binlid said: Lost my beloved mother at the beginning of this month, Advanced Dementia and old age were the cause of death, she was 92. Only seems like yesterday when she sat me on the draining board and washed my mouth out with soap and water for saying the word bloody. She had lived on her own since my dad died 30 years ago and in the last 8 years had suffered a series of mini strokes. Neighbours would find her wondering not suitably dressed for the cold weather, one time wearing sandals in the snow.O Six years ago we, along with doctors at the hospital decided she needed to be in a Care Home for her own safety. As a result of the strokes she was unable to say anything that we were able to make any sense of though she understood what we were saying to her and would nod or shake her head. These changes can be tough to go through. I tried having mom live in an assisted living apartment when she started to recover a little at one point. That only lasted a few months. Mom had always been a bit of a pyro and some of her neighbors started complaining that she was leaving both the door open and stove-top on. I guess walking past the open door with flames showing in the kitchen was a little unsettling. The assisted living management told me that she had to go. At that point I put her in a nursing home. My job at that time was such that I traveled a lot. I could not afford a live in nurse without jeopardizing my ability to fund upcoming college costs for my children. Edited August 31, 2023 by ChiFlyer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smiler Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 24 minutes ago, Painter said: Sorry for your loss, @Binlid Yeah same as mate - May she Rest in Peace. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillearly Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 Sorry to hear your news @Binlid 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightcrawler Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 Dementia is my biggest fear. I have more difficulty in remembering names etc, but hope that it's just a sign of old age. I too have been close a couple of people who eventually died of Alzheimer's disease and it was heart breaking to see their mental deterioration 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horizondave Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 1 hour ago, Binlid said: Lost my beloved mother at the beginning of this month, Advanced Dementia and old age were the cause of death, she was 92. Only seems like yesterday when she sat me on the draining board and washed my mouth out with soap and water for saying the word bloody. She had lived on her own since my dad died 30 years ago and in the last 8 years had suffered a series of mini strokes. Neighbours would find her wondering not suitably dressed for the cold weather, one time wearing sandals in the snow. Six years ago we, along with doctors at the hospital decided she needed to be in a Care Home for her own safety. As a result of the strokes she was unable to say anything that we were able to make any sense of though she understood what we were saying to her and would nod or shake her head .Middle of July Mum was not eating so her GP sent her to hospital for some tests to see if there was any underlying issues, they found nothing of concern and the doctor rang me to tell me that we must just send her back to the care home for end of life care and she never ate anything until the day she died 3 weeks later. Really sorry for your loss, Gary. Take care mate. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemondropkid Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Binlid said: Lost my beloved mother at the beginning of this month, Advanced Dementia and old age were the cause of death, she was 92. Only seems like yesterday when she sat me on the draining board and washed my mouth out with soap and water for saying the word bloody. She had lived on her own since my dad died 30 years ago and in the last 8 years had suffered a series of mini strokes. Neighbours would find her wondering not suitably dressed for the cold weather, one time wearing sandals in the snow. Six years ago we, along with doctors at the hospital decided she needed to be in a Care Home for her own safety. As a result of the strokes she was unable to say anything that we were able to make any sense of though she understood what we were saying to her and would nod or shake her head .Middle of July Mum was not eating so her GP sent her to hospital for some tests to see if there was any underlying issues, they found nothing of concern and the doctor rang me to tell me that we must just send her back to the care home for end of life care and she never ate anything until the day she died 3 weeks later. Sorry to hear of your Mum's passing. I lost my Mum to 4 years back, she had dementia in her later years, and passed away in a care home. Like your situation care at home had just become impossible. I can see the love and happiness in the photos. Can't wish for anymore than that. Edited August 31, 2023 by Lemondropkid 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galenkia Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 32 minutes ago, Nightcrawler said: Dementia is my biggest fear. I thought you already had it. Actually demented was the word I was looking for. 😀 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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