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I remember when a good friend brought in a girl they were having a drink and he introduced her to Ben and i. Ben asked her if she had any kids she replied she did not Ben told her she better hurry cause you cant have any after 50 years old. She was 30 that friend and good customer never went back into Secrets again.

Is there a pie under the chips? 😉

thats ranking up with the "whens it due" comment to someone, only to find out she isnt pregnant ... just fat 555555

Yes. This was my main course before I put the mint sauce and gravy on it.

A relatively small procession heading up Second Road from Pattaya Tai early this afternoon - I suspect, from the local school. Pictures not easy to get as the traffic wasn't stopped.

One year it was my son-in-laws birthday whilst my Daughter was visiting me from the UK. It was also the annual firework display and Kevin invited us all to watch it from Mabilia where we had the most amazing view. A real nice guy.

That's even really small for a cupcake

5555555 They run wild around my local area mate.

He'll arrive soon enough!

Had many a nice afternoon drink with Keith (KGB),he's a lovely fella.

A blonde woman is in a plane bound for Toronto when the pilot says over the speakers- Ping! "You are now free to move about the cabin." The blonde calmly gets up from her seat in second class, strolls over to an empty seat in first class, and promptly gets herself situated. One of the newer flight attendants notices this, so, naturally, she heads over to the blonde and tells her: "Excuse me, Ma'am, did you happen to just come from second class and sit down here, in first class?" "Yes, I did," the blonde remarks, "Is this a problem?" "Well, yes, it is. I'm afraid you'll have to return to your seat in second class." "Look, lady, I'm a blonde, I'm sitting in first class, and I'm heading for Toronto. Period." The attendant is quite new at her job, so she heads to the cockpit of the plane to get help from the copilot. The copilot returns and repeats the "you have to move back speech", but the blonde woman yet again returns with "Look; I'm a blonde, I'm sitting in first class, and I'm heading for Toronto. Period." The copilot doesn't want any trouble, so he heads back to the cockpit and tells the pilot about the situation. "You man the controls, rookie. My wife is a blonde- I can take care of this." The pilot walks over to the blonde woman, whispers something into her hear, and she suddenly gets up and returns to her second class seat without hesitating. "That was amazing!" the flight attendant told the pilot, "What did you say to her to make her move so eagerly?" "I told her that first class doesn't go to Toronto."

A muntjac made a worse mess of the front of my car than a VW Golf did hitting the rear!

A mate of mine hit a full grown stag deer many years ago and it totally destroyed his car, he was lucky to survive it.

I was lucky, I drive a 530D BMW and he went under both wheels on the drivers side with minimal damage.

They are a solid lump for sure, in the last month I have had a pheasant hit my windscreen, a pidgeon hit my side window and I have run over a Muntjac.

What do you call a Canadian popstar with a small penis? Justin Beaver.

No, I fished in Slovenia, but will be fishing in Croatia in September this year. I was recording it but have started to watch it now!

Watching Monster Carp ... @boydeste in Croatia, didn't you fish there ?

I'll stick with betting on football and the occasional trip up to Atlantic City. If I am going to throw my money around and lose, at least I can blame myself, not some shyster farangs in SEA.

Just arrived in Ukraine 🇺🇦

The room in which Jesus held the Last Supper in.

Jim Bouton.... MLB player, wrtier, and baseball icon died. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/10/sports/baseball/jim-bouton-dead-ball-four.html?action=click&module=Latest&pgtype=Homepage&login=email&auth=login-email

Snap !!

breakfast..... Yahoooooo!

Courtesy of the red button, I believe! Never forget the waitress' look of amazement as she repeated the order several times to check it was right, or the gobsmacked look on Haydn's face...!! He offered me a drink after I'd won a cap, and said that I'd never wear it.

Glanced at the rules and put a team in. You can I think change your team as much as you want before the first game, which is Friday 9th August.

Armchair Athletic FC has joined the league 🏆⚽

Kataleya loves porridge so into the microwave as was too lazy to cook on the hob. First two attempts. Ended up cooking on the hob after my earlier failures. Bath time next, what can go wrong.....

Just seen my wife out the door for her first day at her new job, very proud of her. Me, I am trying to make a cup of tea in silence as I have the wee one sleeping on the couch. Hope I get to savour my cuppa before she awakes. Just Kataleya and me, could get interesting; thankfully in my condition she will go to school in 4 hours and I can have my nap.

Rip Torn dead at 88 Unfortunate name in the circumstances but I really liked the guy, was good in Men In Black and Dodgeball but was around in the industry for a long time. Was also on Larry Sanders show and many more. RIP Rip https://www.tmz.com/2019/07/09/rip-torn-dead-dies/

The inability to stand still was the biggest giveaway.

Yellow and soft, definitely a Europhile, lol.

That's one hell of a stammer you've got there.

Tried to made pancakes today. Or how something simple becomes a pain... milk, flour, eggs, butter, salt, sugar... Showed the Miss on Youtube how it is done, just for her information, and I start mixing my ingredients. Of course "no, not like this, blablabla.... Now the hair on my arms starts to turn itchy. How the hell you know how to do, you never eaten this..." Anyway I go my way. Semi success. Looks ok, taste ok, but not special. Now she takes a small bowl of my mix, adds mashed banana (way too much of it), in the pan...her first one is ok. Way too sweet for me, but hey... Second one, she decides its not sweet enough, so more banana... Needless to say the result in the pan looks more like scrambled eggs than a pancake ! Start eating it (face....) but after 2 spoons "I think better throw in the garbage..." Face has its limits...Old frog big smile ! Ok, why the orange colour ? Because I bought something, written in Indonesian, that I thought was to give on orange / mandarine taste. Turned out it is a colorant... Too late, its in the mix already ! Her turn to smile .... Next time I'll to find vanilla. When I am eating MY last pancake she ask to taste "Mmmm taste nice like that" .....Grrrrr.... been trying to explain since 1 hour this is the way to do .... Sorry for the lack of Grand Marnier or cognac, but $$$$$

Lunchtime Haddock, Chips & Peas.

Summertime here 2 times per week, they have these farmer guys come in from Central Calif and sell fresh fruit....Peaches are always good for me.

R.I.P long time Secrets BM and a friend The Simulator Guy was his name on the Secrets and FLB boards. Took him to the Philippines and Cambodia with our group some here will know him most will not pretty much kept to himself.

A political one (well Malaysia politics) Najib and Mahathir go into a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Najib steals three curry puffs and puts them into his pocket. He says to Mahathir, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't even see anything and I don't even need to lie." Mahathir says to Najib, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result." Mahathir goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a curry puff and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Mahathir swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one and he eats it as well. Then Mahathir asks for a third pastry and eats that, too. The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the three curry puffs?" Mahathir replies, "Look in Najib's pocket."

What do you tell a Bar Girl with 2 black eyes? Nothing. You've already told her twice!

Edited below some of my favourite Tommy Cooperisms: A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age.' The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well.' A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'. The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy. Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them. You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. "Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in. A man goes into the doctors. The doctor says, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.' Man says, Why? The doctor says, 'I don't like my neighbours' Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.' Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove." I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week .... and pulled a mussel. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms" I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're right the steaks are too high." A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Probably died later on as most things do after being hit hard.